Tutorial level

Dark Souls. A series of games where the only way to progress is constant trial and error. Going in head first, dying to an enemy and getting used to their moveset each time you come back to life. Basically, you have to 'Git gud" to beat it. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure I won't come back to life if I die here.

Why did I decide to head into the world of Dark Souls 3 then? Well to progress in the game, it's essential that you learn how to DODGE!

*Crack*

OH GODS! WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO DECIDE THAT ROLLING WAS AN EFFECTIVE METHOD OF DODGING!?

The hollow seemed to stumble a bit during my moment of utter pain from a dislocated shoulder. Instead of taking the chance to ignore the pain and smash the dark-robed undead over the head with the club I looted. I instead took out my estus flask.

"AH FUCK, YOU DICK!" I cursed as a hacking sound came out of the undead hollow's throat as it lunged towards me, knocking the flask out of my hand as I tripped back towards the ground. My ass hit the concrete, or at least I think it was concrete. The blade knicked the top of my head as I went down.

I panicked seeing it standing above me with the blade ready to drop on me. In my moment of distress, the undead in front of me became impaled by a hail of blades. The golden portals above the air kept shooting until I realized that I needed to stop it. The golden ripples in the air disappeared as if they were never there.

I panted hard from a combination of the shitty scuffle I was just in and the fact that I wasted a lot of energy with my overreaction gate spamming. I glanced at my shoulder and noted that it was still dislocated. Shit, a sharp pain assaulted me when I touched it. How do people deal with dislocated shoulders?

Looking around, I spotted my estus flask on the ground. Taking a gulp, I flinched a bit as my shoulder seemed to set itself back in place. Man I am terrible at this, and that was just my first encounter. Okay, so either rolling is a horrible way to dodge or I just don't know how to roll properly without self harm.

Looking at the flask, it looks like there's only enough for 1 more sip. I need to get to the bonfire nearby. Luckily this is still the tutorial so there isn't a lot of enemies roaming around. Despite my wounds healing, I still feel drained from the gate spamming. If I remembered right, there should be a blue flask for energy in this cemetary.

"Oh, there it is." It was next to broken down bird fountain. I took a swig of it knowing that there was only enough for 1 gulp in there. Tastes like blueberry, I calmed down as I felt the feeling of lethargy disappear.

*SPLOOGE*

A muffled scream of pain and rage escaped me as I looked at the FUCKING ARROW lodged into my arm. With tears escaping my eyes I swerved my head to see the damn bastard who shot me. An undead that looked exactly the same as the last one, except this guy had a crossbow.

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!" I shouted as a portal opened up and ejected a spear that ripped right through it's head.

I was trying to learn to fight without over-relying on the gate, but that asshole really pissed me off. Fuck, now I really need to get to the bonfire. Staring at the bolt lodged in my arm, I have no idea what to do. Am I supposed to take it out? I still have one more sip of my estus, but what happens if I heal with an arrow still lodged in my flesh?

Also, I'm not sure where the closest bonfire is. The area looks similar to the game, but this looks MUCH LARGER than when I was playing through the game. There is only one thing I can do at a time like this.

"Fuck this shit I'm out!" I said as I brought my truck out of the gate. I'll try again later when I don't have an arrow stuck in my arm.

∞

"Be gentle!" Gold flinched as he felt the bolt twitch.

"Don't be such a baby." Koneko spoke as she gripped the arrow

"I have an arrow in my arm!"

*Rip sfx* "GAH FUCK I SAID BE GENTLE!" Gold shouted in pain as the devil pulled the arrow straight out with great strength. Blood dripped to the basement floor as the bloody bolt fell to the ground.

"You should go to a hospital, I dont see any bandages around here." She noted as she looked around the man-cave.

"No, I got something else that will work just fine." Taking out the estus flask, he took the last sip and waited for his wound to close up. He would have to refill it the next time he went to Dark Souls.

"What was that?" Koneko asked as she looked at the completely healed wound. The regeneration displayed by the Estus was comparable to phoenix tears.

"Just a potion." Gold breathed out as he moved his arm. "Are you stealing my food?" he turned to the girl who was currently taking his leftovers from his fridge.

"Consider this payment this time." She replied while munching on his tuna sub. Gold stared at her for a moment as she returned the stare.

He decided not to question it and turned on his T.V for background noise as usual.

"So, what happened?" She finally decided to ask out of curiousity.

"Oh you know, tried to get dodging practice in." he responded as he hooked up a PS3 to the flatscreen.

"By dodging arrows?"

"I was not expecting being shot at." he retorted as he decided to calm down with some good old fashion gaming.

Koneko seemed to hum as she just ate in silence after that. Gold played through the game for the next hour until he noticed something odd.

"Why are you still here?" he asked noticing the girl took up space on his bean bag.

"Nothing else to do today. In case you get hurt again, it's easier to just be here instead of getting called again." She replied with a flat tone. He did tend to call on her often these days.

"Well, wanna try a round then?" He held up the second controller.

"Give it here." It's always funner playing with more people.

∞

"Alright round 2" I said while psyching myself up for the second run through this cemetary.

Moving slowly through the quiet area with just a wooden club in my hand. I notice an undead hollow leaning against the wall. Quietly stepping up to it, I bashed the damn thing on the back of it's head.

Oh fuck it's still alive! Smashing the club down it's head a few more times, I noticed that my club broke. The fuck? Weapons never broke this fast in game. Noticing two more hollows to the side that seemed to be getting up from the sound of me bashing their friend's head in, I threw the broken club at one of them.

Picking up the broken straight sword, wait.... broken? Why the hell do all these hollows have broken swords!? What is the difference between me swinging a broken club and a broken sword!?

Back stepping the first hollow's swing I.... oh shit, I actually dodged for once, progress! I stabbed the broken sword at the hollow. I watched it fall to the ground. Nice this is getting easier, okay just one more. glancing at the other hollow who got up after being knocked down from the thrown club, I tried to pick up the broken sword again.

"It's stuck?" The damn thing is stuck in the dead hollow. "Fuck it." I grabbed the undead by the robe and threw the body at the other hollow. They really must not weigh much if a guy like me can pick them up.

The hollow became pinned underneath the unmoving corpse. Sprinting past the downed hollow, I grabbed the broken club and smashed the sharp bits right on it's face. I'm glad that hollows don't seem to bleed.

"I did it!" I actually did much better this time! My breathing was a little heavy, but it wasn't to the point of panting this time. I picked up the other broken sword and took a look around.

If I remember correctly, the path with water over there lead to the giant crystal lizard. I'm just gonna avoid that for now and come back another time. Which means, the path on the left should lead to the bonfire.

Moving through the canyon, I noted the sunlight off in the distance. Moving a bit faster, I stood there for a moment to see the incredible sight of Lothric. It was beautiful in game, but seeing it in person was another story. I didn't stay too long as I made my way to the first bonfire of the area.

How do I kindle it? I reached my hand out like in game until a spark seemed to erupt from the ashes. Nice. Taking a seat in front of the soothing flames, I noted that the embers seemed to coalesce into my flasks. Estus refilled.

Looking out in the distance, I could see the boss room. I'm gonna have to get past that huh.

∞

I fucking love the bonfire. All I've been doing the past 4 hours is abusing it for all it's worth. All I've done is get up, walk 30-40 feet to a single hollow. Practice dodging, get cut a few times, kill it then run back to the bonfire to start it all over again. How does it work? I don't question this logic. All I know is, my pain tolerance has gone up after being cut up enough times.

At this point, I'm finally able to go through this part of the tutorial without getting hit or needing to use the gate to cheese my way through it. Feels good, then again I'm basically fighting walking emaciated corpses. But this is progress to me. I've noticed white soul essence escape their bodies when they die. I'm guessing those are the souls that I'm accumulating. Souls is the currency in this world after all, I wonder if I can use them to increase my stats in this world. Things to consider when I get past the tutorial boss.

Also, I found Gilgamesh's armor. I can't wear it, I don't know what it's made of but it is heavy as hell. Feels bad, well I guess i'll just have to find some regular armor later.

"Alright Gundyr, I am here and ready to wreck your shit!" I declared as I stood in front of his unmoving form. I can see the nasty dark abyss thing behind his back, it's honestly grossing me out.

Well let's get this boss fight over with. Gripping the coiled sword lodged within his chest, I found that I can't get it out. Oh shit, how do I beat this guy if I can't even start the boss fight!?

"Well, this is awkward." Maybe I just need some leverage. putting my foot on his shoulder I try to pull the damn thing out but it is just stuck in there.

Okay, I can solve this. There is only one thing to do when I am unable to do it myself!

∞

"You want me to what?" Koneko questioned as she stared at the vehicle.

"I want you to get inside my truck and help me out!" Gold spoke again as if there wasn't anything wrong with what he said.

"Sounds sketchy."

"How? I just need you to get in my truck.... Okay I see the problem now. Please ignore the strange wording and help me out here. I need someone with greater physical strength than me!" He said as he finally realized what was wrong with the way he said his request.

∞

TEN MINUTES LATER

"What the hell is that?"

"It's some dude corrupted by gross dark shit, now just pull the sword out for me and get back." I responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

At this point the reader is probably pissed off because I so casually decided to show another character that I can travel the fucking multiverse with a truck.

Pissed off reader. Check. But chances are she probably thinks that I can access another dimension in the world or something since I'm a mage.

"Are you sure you don't need help with this?" I hear her ask.

"Aww, it's cute that you're concerned about me." I said as she pulled out the coiled sword.

"I was just asking because it'd be a shame if my client just died on me during the job." Ouch. My tiny feelings are now hurt.

"Pfft, I can handle this. Just stand over there and look pretty while I-" In retrospect it was probably a terrible idea to have a conversation while the tutorial boss stood up. I can't feel where I got hurt, but I just know that I'm hurt due to the fact that I'm flying through the air.

"Dodge!" I hear Koneko shout as I reflexively sipped my estus before the pain made itself aware and jumped to the side. I could hear my chest creak as it seemed to regenerate, guess my chest got caved in huh.

"Dodge!" I ducked as Gundyr made a wide swipe with his halberd

"YOU KNOW, YELLING DODGE IS NOT BEING VERY HELPFUL!" I shouted back as I stabbed it with a spear from the gate. This time, instead of using a broken sword from the undead. I decided to just take a spear out from the gate. I didn't want to fight Gundyr with a broken sword, that just sounds suicidal.

"Well you said not to help you!" Cheeky girl. but she has a point, I did say that.

Okay, his attacks are mainly wide swings and predictable stabs with the halberd. Main goal is to try to stay on the side of him that isn't holding a weapon. Just need to keep stabbing and side stepping.

Stab, step, stab, step, stab, *SHRIEK* I watched the gross dark matter form into a giant snake head.

"Oh right, phase two." I noted as the abyssal creature howled from behind the boss. My ears started ringing from the piercing sound as I stupidly rolled out of the way of the giant claw swipe. Fuck! I need to learn how to roll properly.

"Since when was I so close to the edge?" Huh, being on the ground near the edge of the arena. If I backed off, I'd fall down the cliff.

I felt my nervousness from when I started this damn tutorial return as I got ready to spam weapons from the gate to cheese this fight. This is a bullshit fight!

The abyssal creature made another piercing shriek while raising it's giant head. Before I could pelt it with blades, it seemed to jump? No it got launched over me?

*SHRIEK* it's howl became quieter as it fell towards the bottomless cliff. I turned back to see Koneko standing there with her hands covering her ears. She had an expression of complete irritation.

"My ears hurt." she said as I blinked. I guess it would hurt if her hearing was better than normal people.

"Well, I had it handled." I said. I mean I was gonna pelt it with blades.

"Right." She responded flatly, obviously not believing me.

"Well, let's head back. I'm tired." I said while depositing the coiled sword into the gate.

Iudex Gundyr defeated.