Love those who hurt them

As I lay on my bed and rested, I had a wonderful dream, dreaming about her and I having that lavishing life, taking her out on expensive trips having the time of our lives. Showing her how much I love and appreciate her. It was such a short dream, I wanted to dream more, but time was not on my side the alarm had turned on it was time to go to school, I was too tired to get up, I lay back on my bed and slept on, I tried to resume my dream back but it wouldn't come back, all I dreamt about this time around was about she and I, having guests at our house on our first born child's birthday party.

I got up with a happy face and smile on my face, like always; I usually tell my dreams through paintings. I did all that had to be done before having breakfast, but breakfast wasn't important that day. I had fruits to start up my day with, having fruits for starting my day was good enough, I then collected all sorts of fruits that I could carry out to my 'scrap room' that was a banana, an apple, a plum, a pear and kiwi fruit. That would keep me going for all morning as I was no longer going to varsity I was too tired for lectures.

I drew up, and painted a few painting of last night's predicament. I had my headphones on, I could barely hear a sound, if a burglar would walk into our house, he would do as he or she pleased, I painted a picture of her enjoying the sun. I opened all the pictures that I've painted of her. I was admiring my paintings, my works and enjoying the sound of my music playing through my headphones. As I kept on sorting my paintings and drawings, she walked in on me. I never wished for her to see my paintings soon enough, but only when the time was right! I don't know what made me turn around; she was shocked moved by my paintings, her eyes glowed. I removed my headphones, looked at her, I was speechless, she walked passed me and held one of the paintings, she looked at the dates and she nodded her head, and her eyes began to be teary.

"Lindy… I can explain!"

"What is it that you would like to explain?"

She was filled with terror, I tried coming closer to her, but she raised her hand, I didn't know what else to do, she looked so upset. She trembled in fear and she wept. I promised myself that I did not want to see her cry, not alone if I was the reason behind her tears.

"Lindy… please give me a chance to explain myself."

"What is it that you want to explain exactly? ... The fact that all of this was a set up! ... you and Trevor created all of this… is that what you trying to explain to me?" she kept on ripping out the paintings and throwing them on the floor.

"Lindy… please, it's not like that… just give me a chance to explain everything to you … we never planned this!"

"You are no different from among all of them… you disgust me!" she then spit on the floor in disgust.

These words cannot describe how I felt that moment, if she were to leave me that very moment; I was not going to spend more time with her. All my hard work would be in vain. She threw down the painting's she held. She was about to leave, I was not going to let her walk out on me like that; I was not going to let that happen. If she would walk out that door, she may never know how I feel about her; I had to take that chance when she walks out that door may she know how I feel about her. I stood my ground and became a man.

"Wait! … please don't go! …"

She turned around, you could see the hatred she contained, she was disgusted by my presence, and she wouldn't want to take another look at me.

"… I …"

"You're what?"

"… I'm sorry."

"Is that all? Is that what you've got to say for yourself?" she did not bother to look at me.

"Yeah… I'm sorry … and i… love … I love you!"

"What? … Are you crazy? You think after last night's kiss, love just builds up just like that!" she turned around to look at me, her voice contained so much anger.

"No… but I've loved you from the very first day I have set my eyes on you!"

She pretended to be laughing as she looked at the ceiling and looked back at me with strange eyes and said "You are completely out of your mind!" she started to leave.

"Yeah… you can say that… I am crazy about you… when I look at you my mind goes on a trip… it journeys to the outer space… how I feel about you is beyond measure…"

"Oh yeah… the day you've set your eyes on me… which is approximately…. Let me think… ten (10) days ago?"

"No its not." i had the courage to pour my heart out, it was like something was pushing me to talk to her. my voice was toned down, I moved closer to my paintings and took out my first painting of her sitting under a tree, a book on her lap and she was looking over her shoulder. I passed it on to her. She gazed into my eyes; I didn't have the decency to look at her.

"What is this? J.R when was this painted."

"The date is written at the back!" and I turned around tried to hold back the tears, I tried to ignore them. The phrase that says 'men don't cry' I couldn't ignore the tears, tears dripped out, not because I am weak, it's because I'm feeling pain, it hurt so badly. But then I have said what has been troubling me, it is well with me.

"J.R, it can't be!"

"Why not," my voice was stern so was her's

"It's been two (2) years and (8) eight months, but…"

"… But I didn't have it in me, to tell you how I felt about you all this time." I then turned around, I wanted her to see the pain in my eye's. The tears magnifying the pain I felt in my heart.

"… But why you never said a word J.R." I could sense that she was feeling sorry for me. But then, it was all in her hands.

"Because I was afraid of rejection... Where you going to date me and be in a relationship with a shy guy like me?"

"I… I don't know…"

"Yeah I thought so too … I'm too shy for you… right?"

"J.R you are not shy… you are just a quiet guy and …" She was rejecting me in a different way. All this time, me being afraid to confide my true feelings towards her, today I've finally come to face what I have always tried not to face. Rejection.

"And what does that supposed to mean… make me feel better?"

"… Maybe yes I would have loved to be in a relationship with you!"

When she said maybe, I had that second hope, I gained assurance. If maybe I would continue, pressing on, she would consider being in a relationship with me, but I said all this it was a bad timing. She had just come out from a serious relationship even though it was not so serious, she was still hurting. And last night's kiss did score me quite a few points.

"But why didn't you say something? You would have been my boyfriend; maybe I wouldn't be hurting like, I am feeling right now…" she placed her right hand on her chest.

"Ecclesiastes says everything has it's own time!" before I could finish, she spoke first.

"But J.R you and I make good friends…"

"I don't want to be your friend; I want to be more than that… don't you get it?"

"But I still have feelings for Vusi."

"Oh wow, so that means, if he would come back you would give him a chance?" I spoke out of anger.

"If he would… maybe yeah…"

"I don't believe this! I really don't,"

"J.R please,"

"Isn't Ironic? People normally ignore those who adore them and adore those who ignore them, hurt those who love them dearly and love those who hurt them." These words brought tears in her eyes.