Past?

When Cangse SanRen was 2 months pregnant, that was the last time she and Wei Changze both visited Lotus Pier. The letter they sent Jiang Fengmian was of happy news which stated that the doctor they visited told her she was 6 months into her pregnancy.

Sadly, Jiang Cheng was born 2 months after Wei WuXian.

Jiang Fengmian would never have thought anything of it before this moment. In a dark mood he flew to Yu ZiYuan's chambers to try to drown out his jealousy. But his wife was not as naive, regardless she opened her arms to him. Poor Jiang Cheng was so tiny and cried at the drop of a hat. This child sure looks like a preemie! Those were the thought that crossed Jiang Fengmian's mind. Of weak constitution Jiang Cheng cried constantly, jarring the already paper-thin nerves of his papa, Jiang Fengmian. His outer demeanor showed a deceptive gentleness which was contrary to what went inside his mind. If one may say, it only lasted for a short time before he abandoned the child to be cared for by his wife.

Jiang Fengmian stayed in his study burying himself in work. By the time Jiang Cheng was old enough his tantrums had become uncontrollable, the little child could sense the distance that his papa had towards him and his mother. Of course children are intelligent to know when they are liked or shunned, this makes them become distrustful of others and if it goes on for a very long time, in the case of Jiang Cheng they tend to show extreme caution and be weary of others. Unknown to Jiang Fengmian, his action had created a monster that would bring about the downfall of Wei Wuxian!

Secretly, the handwritten letter that Cangse SanRen had sent to him years back, Jiang Fengmian would stroke the lines of the writing so tenderly. Each night he would store it careful in his most treasured chest, smoothen the edges to keep it from creasing easily. As one would guess, he had memorized the whole words in the letter, knowing them by heart. They were said just like Cangse SanRen would have; had she been standing next to him. The epitome of gentleness even as she was presenting a life altering announcement. It was difficult for Jiang Fengmian to put a name to the emotion he felt each time he read the letter. Others accused him of having a thing for Cangse SanRen. Although, Yu ZiYuan had not said a word in his presence yet, Jiang Fengmian still felt uneasy about it. He would not say he was unfaithful to his wife, since he fulfilled his duties as husband. They both had, Jiang Yanglin and Jiang Cheng together. Neither did he bring any bastard child from the teahouse, so why was he seen as anything but filial?

Lotus Pier was like other places where people gathered, gossip was how they entertained themselves to keep going. Jiang Fengmian searched his heart but could not find the answer to the conflict that resided within.

He could tell that Wei Changze and Cangse SanRen loved each other, he secretly wished that he would one day become the godfather of their unborn child. Telling himself this, gave Jiang Fengmian a sense of reassurance that he bore no ill intention towards the couple. He could only hope for the day that the boys would meet and become sworn brothers. Looking after each other as real siblings would.

One fateful day, the letter that Jiang Fengmian read so many times found its way to his wife's study. Never in a million years would he have envisioned that a day like that would come. Thinking that none would ever find the letter.

All these years, she never wanted to believe that Cangse SanRen held a special place in her husband's heart but looking at the yellowed page made her think again. All those times when there was accusations of wandering eyes and longing towards Cangse SanRen, she chose not to let the idle chattering at Lotus Pier destroy her marriage until today. All along the betrayal came from him, Jiang Fengmian!

Anger like no other burned within Yu ZiYuan, today she was going to confront her husband with the evidence that showed his infidelity!

Yu ZiYuan left the letter unfolded by her seat, as she waited for her husband to walk into her study. Not suspecting anything was amiss, Jiang Fengmian walked into the tigress's den, not knowing that his fate had been sealed. Something caught his eyes, it was an all too familiar piece of paper that he read every day before going to bed, but before he could form a single word from his mouth. His wife, Yu Ziyuan raised her voice in accusation.

"Why? Jiang Fengmian?! Why did you betray me?!!! Did you think so little of me as to keep this hidden for years?! Am I just a replacement for Cangse SanRen?!!!!!"

Jiang Fengmian was gentle and soft spoken by nature, but his wife's wild accusation made him lose his temper, causing him to snap back in anger.

"Leave Cangse SanRen out of this! You are wrong not to have trusted me! Have I done anything to have displeased you?! Because I kept the letter from Wei Changze and Cangse SanRen, you now accuse me of been unfaithful?!"

Yu ZiYuan's face became darker, the urge to whip out Zidian and beat the crap out of her husband strongly pulsed in her veins. Hold back she did, by sheer willpower. Jiang Cheng was about three years of age when he witnessed the first open fight between his parents, the little child was playing hide and seek in his mother's study, when from where he hid, he saw the unmistakable tension between his parents.

The miniature version of his mother, Jiang Cheng's face was just like Yu ZiYuan's. Never once had he seen his father that angry with his mother, in a bid to protect her. The little child ran out of his hiding place and went straight for his father's leg, biting him at the calf.

"A-Yin! What are you doing?!!!"

Alarmed at the strange behavior of her child, Yu ZiYuan called out sharply to him. Rather than get upset with his child, Jiang Fengmian patted him twice on the head, before gently nudging him with the foot that was latched onto.

"Let him be, he is only looking out for his mother."

Hearing the familiar gentle voice of his father unlike the cold hard tone from before, caused Jiang Cheng to pry his teeth from his father's right leg.

"Jiang Fengmian we would discuss this some other time! A-Lin come here!"

Jiang Cheng cringed when he heard his mother's voice, it was one full of reprimand. Jiang Fengmian did the unthinkable, sending a portion of his Qi to where the letter rested on the table where his wife sat. In no time it turned into a speck of dust.

"Jiang Fengmian!!!!!!!"

Knowing he had angered his wife to the extreme, Jiang Fengmian left just like that with a stoic look on his face.

Back in his room, Jiang Fengmian for the first time in years, broke down like a little child, crying his eyes out. The feeling of anguish descended on him when he realized that the thing that kept him going and made his mind at peace was no more. But what other way was he to crush the suspicion of his wife regarding Cangse SanRen? Having the letter seen by someone other than him was enough pain and knowing it could be interpreted in a multitude of ways by others was something he was not ready for at all. The relationship he had with Cangse SanRen was precious and he didn't want anyone, not even his wife to throw dirt on it. His mind went back to the happy days when he and Cangse SanRen met, he felt the wetness on his cheeks but that didn't seem to matter to him. Silently, he cried himself until he fell asleep.