39_The Only Person

Flabbergasted. That was what he exactly felt when Mu Lihai learned everything from Li Yao. She told him how her past several days went by without contacting him. She told him how lonely she felt but at the same time she didn't want to be with anyone and wanted to be alone. Her heart was in chaos. Even living a single second was difficult. She felt very guilty.

She felt that she didn't deserve to be a daughter to her mother. Li Yao's mother had always been a great woman, the strongest she ever knew.

But oh how one lie was all it took for her to learn that her mother was hurting inside. She was never happy. She was depressed, saddened and hurt. And she kept it all inside. Only a diary could be her salvation. To record and to write all her sufferings into words she couldn't say.

"I admit that I did feel betrayed the moment I saw your name in the report." she said truthfully. Li Yao didn't want to lie to Mu Lihai. She couldn't.

".. I'm sorry Li Yao-" Mu Lihai was still apologizing in which she didn't find it pleasant.

"Stop that. Will you listen to me until the end?" she cut him off while she snuggled deep into the crook of his neck. His natural body scent was calming and soothing.

".. Okay.." he closed his eyes for a second and regained himself again.

"I felt like a clown. I promised myself to avenge my mom's death but little did I know that it was you all along- a man whom I really love.." her voice became a whisper in the last few words. But Mu Lihai could still hear her clearly. His heart thumped against his chest when he heard Li Yao's confession of love.

"But I just don't want to be rash. My friend told me there's something wrong with my mom and that was the first time I felt that it was indeed true. I just didn't want to admit it. I knew my mom was not herself a few days before the accident. But I brushed it off. I didn't try to ask. I didn't do anything. If only.. if only I knew- if I was a little bit considerate then.. then she might have told me her worries- she might not die and commit suicide..!"

"She might still be here with me-!" Li Yao wailed again. But this time, no tears came out. Only her cracked voice.

Li Yao always appeared as a reasonable woman. She was a capable lawyer and she rarely showed her sadness to others. She was fine living alone for six years. She was fine getting taunted by her relatives before she could take everything back.

But never did she expect that her mother- the strongest woman she ever knew, would choose to die and leave her behind.

Li Yao took a final deep breath before she could confess her innermost feelings to Mu Lihai. No one knew what she exactly felt but she wanted only the man to know.

"You know what, Mu Lihai.. I felt shocked and sad when I learned the truth. But what makes me feel worthless was the fact that a part of me was blaming my mom. Blaming her for leaving me alone in this world. I blamed her for not sharing anything with me and for being weak- look how selfish I am!"

Mu Lihai heard her and his heart ached for her. It was unbearable to see her like this. He didn't know what to do. All he could do was listen while he put his arms around her. Giving her the security that she needed.

Now he knew what it felt like when your loved ones was slowly getting ripped apart in front of you. Heart bleeding but couldn't be seen. Words sreaming but couldn't be stopped.

"I always thought that it was unfortunate for her to die because of the accident. But now I know how foolish I was. It wasn't accidental. It was her own wish." Li Yao said in a voice so restrained. She shut her eyes close so that the remaining pearl of tears fell off by themselves to her cheeks.

Now she felt peaceful. A peace that came to her for the first time in six years.

'How I wish I could tell you how much I'm thankful just because you're here..' was what Li Yao wished to say towards this man in front of her before her vision gone dark.

*

Li Yao woke up late in the afternoon. When her eyes shot opened, she looked around to see that she was laying her back on the soft mattress of the bed. Her eyes roamed to look for Mu Lihai in the room.

And she suddenly felt scared.

What if Mu Lihai decided to leave her?

What if he found it suffocating to still be with her after knowing everything?

She remembered his countless apologies towards her and she felt sad. He truly had no idea that the person he encountered six years ago on the road was her mother.

Li Yao recalled his expression when he read the report. She remembered how he took a step back from her, he wanted to not be close. He must be shocked. He must be feeling bad at that time. Li Yao couldn't guess his feelings then but she somehow could understand where it was coming from.

Because she also felt the same.

Guilt, sadness, regret.

These feelings were enough to make a person lose all reasons. People became weak once they were haunted by them. It was a vicious circle of self-hate.

While it looked like Mu Lihai had killed her mother physically, no one knew better than her that Li Yao had also killed her mother internally.

The door of the bathroom was opened and Li Yao immediately turned to the area. Her face shown relief once she saw Mu Lihai walking towards her with a bowl of warm water and a towel.

He didn't speak a word but take a seat on the bed near her. He took the towel and dipped it in the bowl. Then he squeezed it and began to wipe Li Yao's face that was stained with dried-up tears.

Mu Lihai carefully and tenderly took care of her. He treated her as if she was a delicate porcelain doll. His touches were soft that they sent flowery tingles to the base of her chest. It was the first time she felt so cared for by a person other than her family.

It was a warm feeling.

Just as she was about to say something, Mu Lihai broke the silence.

"Thank you." he started.

"Thank you for giving me this chance to be with you. For telling me everything and for believing in me." he hugged Li Yao's body close to his.

"I won't say sorry anymore. I'll apologize for anything if you want me to. But now, I'll say thank you instead of sorry." Mu Lihai wrapped his arms on her back and he rubbed it softly as if giving her the assurance she needed.

Li Yao felt blessed she almost cried again. Why was he the one who was thankful? Shouldn't she be the one to say thank you instead?

This man.. he was a one in a million.

He was her only man.

"Mu Lihai.. thank you for being with me." Li Yao returned his embrace with a tight hold on his waist.

"Thank you for loving me so much.." she wanted to say that she didn't deserve a man like him but she instead kept it inside.

Li Yao knew she didn't deserve Mu Lihai but she didn't want to let her love stray. She met him by chance, but all those chances finally made them a couple. She believed that it was destiny.

"I love you.. stay with me forever please.." she said in a plead. She didn't care how desperate she sounded. All she knew in this life was him. Although their encounter was by coincidence and their relationship was just new and green, Li Yao felt that Mu Lihai was for her as she was for him.

Call that selfish. She didn't mind. Li Yao made up her mind that Mu Lihai was the only person she wanted.

She didn't know where this confidence came from, but she didn't want to let go of it.