i enjoyed my relationship with Avinash (i can say that)and he is person with whom i lost my v-card.i know the v-card is very important but the thing is i myself don't know why i can't say no to him (at that time).he was like so professional in making a girl ready for everything . u can't say no to him he has that charm, that talent.i didn't even know what was in my mind at that time how can i be ready for that maybe he is that good in his charm.
roy (my boyfriend)we were friends in my drop year , he also proposed me that time i said no to him bcoz i was with Avinash but when i entered in the college i was single so i said yes to him . we were good , i love him a lot.he is ,i can say the first one whom i genuinely love bcoz i said yes to him just bcoz of his nature. his nature is good nad i like him a lot ,we meet a lot ,we talk a lot over phone , we chat a lot ,i know him nd he knows me.he is like. a person how didn't like to show his actual feelings for someone to anybody , he even didn't show , never tells me about his actual feelings (that i always get to know from his brother pradeep aur from hus sister shweta).he only show his love sometime mainly on the meetings , by the intimacy.i didn't feel bad on that thing bcoz i get to know about his actual feelings by his brother and sister.
everything was going good but that all changed after his mom's death , she died due to lung cancer, no she didn't smoke aur anything.he change after that.he stopped showing his feelings , his weakness to everyone including his brother and sister even.i knew he is a good guy but that's the point where everything in his life chnaged everything.after that our breakup-patchup thing started. he did breakup bcoz he can't manage everything in life at a time . he feels bad bcoz he can't give me proper timing as he used to give me earlier but i understand , i always told him that i know nd i understand that completely.still he did breakup with me nd i was in such a bad condition that i can't live without him , i just want him in my life bcoz i was so used to him .we did patchup bcoz he can't see me in such a bad condition.after that our breakup-patchup thing started ,we broke bcoz of time management,bcoz for studies, and what not, but everytime we did patchup bcoz we both are used too of each other.
for me it's like i want to be loved by someone,for me it's like there's lack of love in my life, i just want someone who loves me unconditionally and should be available whenever i need him. and i guess that's the reason i just can't survive that breakup everytime but now the feelings for him are getting low it's not like i don't love him anymore , i still do love him a lot but due to the fights ,the breakup-patchup, and lack of communication it's all happening.we are still on a break and i still can't survive that.
but still i want him in my life ,i guess everything takes time,and whatever happens in our life has some reason behind it , ya i don't know the reasons right now behind all this but i guess in future i will get to know about it
i don't know what i love the most ,the intimacy, the cuddling,the love aur what.(that's bcoz ya i m somewhat horny).