Hope in Vegas

Bright sun, perfectly round clouds, blue sky, palm trees, diamonds, feathers and rolex everywhere you laid your eyes upon. Everyone was looking for something here. Some may be looking for luck, others for a rush, others to do something illegal, an adventure, happiness or something new. Everyone here may be looking for something different, but we all had one thing in common: hope. We all had hope.

Fresh air, I needed this. Everyone around me was excited, nobody cared who you were. They wanted to forget themselves. Somehow that made me feel safe. I want to leave vegas a whole new person, that's why I decided to leave Raven in charge of this whole trip. I don't want to think, analyze nor control anything. I want to ride the wave and see where life or better said, my fire, takes me.

"Maybe I'll change my name while we're here..." I said taking a free Margarita while we waited for Raven to get our room key.

"Why?" Deonne asked laughing.

"Something illegal on your mind?" Asked Maria with a devilish smile, I smiled back at her.

"Who knows! Maybe? I don't know. I want everything" I said.

"All in?" Said Deonne.

"It's vegas! We have to be all in" added Aria shocked by Deonne's question.

"I'm all in" i said to Aria handing her a third Margarita.

"Look at you! Just like old times. Getting us drunk" said Raven getting back to us with a beautiful key. We all laughed, drank some more and decided to go up to our presidential suite.

Raven felt powerful having this trip on her hands, it was her moment to shine. Although she's been oddly quite, she has exceeded our expectations. For the first time, since I've known my friends, i'm not in charge. Maybe my sessions with Mrs. Williams are helping.

"Wow" said Deonne as soon as Raven opened our suite and we got to see the piece of art we had as a room.

"This is truly beautiful" I said in total shock. Raven smiled victoriously and we all walked in.

Our room was beautiful, totally modern, full of welcoming flowers and fine champagne with wall to wall windows. I walked in, left my things in my room and stopped by the balcony to gaze the beautiful, full of life city I was living in for the next couple of weeks. You could see the rush on the streets, boys taking pictures with the feather girls, girls sucking candy shaped like a dick, hot casino bodyguards everywhere, this place was perfect for an adventure. Too perfect.

I felt proud of myself for being here, I was happy, hopeful and excited but also, I was feeling anxious. Vegas was the perfect place and I was here with the best people, if this adventure didn't work out like I needed to, what will happen to me? What possibilities were left for me?. I could feel the anxiety and numbness get control of my body again, so I reached to my pocket and grabbed my pack of cigarettes. I'm not a smoker, not a lot, at least, but I always have a pack just in case I feel the anxiety get the best in me in a time where I just can't feel like that.

As soon as I smoked my first hit, a text message appeared on my phone.

"Have Fun, don't doubt yourself. Be fire🔥.xoxox- Mrs. Williams". Oh, Mrs, Williams, you truly know how to make me smile, I needed that reminder. Be fire. You want to know what's the best part of fire? Fire just starts and burns without caring what is burning and that's why I'm here, to not care and just do as I please without feeling guilty.

"Since when you're a smoker?" Deonne asked me, making me jump and gasp for air. For a second, I felt guilty, bad, dirty for smoking and letting Deonne catch me. Why? I don't know, it's just the first thing I felt. For a second, I tried to turn the cigarette off, but it was useless and also, I wanted to keep smoking.

Words didn't come out of my mouth, I didn't know what to say or what Deonne felt.

"I smoke too. Got one?" She said laughing awkwardly, I finally could breathe, grabbed the pack and gave her one. Deonne lighted the cigarette up and took a big hit.

"Since when?" She insisted.

"I don't know. One day I had a panic attack, Ran away, had to use the bathroom, went to Walgreens, saw them and took em'" I answered. "Sometimes they help me relax, if not, the action helps me think" I added. "Since when do YOU smoke?" I said laughing, bonding over something that made me feel guilty.

"Since I know Carlton is cheating on me" she said with a pokerface, I stood there shocked. "Like... 3 years now?" She added. I couldn't even continue to smoke just staring at her numb eyes. She finished hers quite quickly, I offered an other one, she took it.

Carlton and Deonne have been together since the 9th grade, everyone has them as a "Couple Goal".

"Does he know you know?" I asked, she left a mean laugh out.

"That asshole doesn't know shit".

"I-I... I'm just curious... why are with him? Everything seemed fine, why?". Deonne took one big hit and looked straight to my eyes.

"I was alone, I AM alone. You were gone to Med school, disappeared. I lost contact with the gals and... Carlton was all I had. Besides, he's my best friend since before the 9th grade, we've been together since I can remember. We share a house, a car, dogs. our families love each other. I-I'm scared And confused. I don't if I can live without him" she said looking away, staring at the city when she finished her sentenced.

"Who's the girl?" I Asked.

"Stripper from the club around the corner of this work" she said laughing, I laughed with her.

"What the fuck" I said between chuckles.

"I also need this trip to be perfect" she said, I just stared at her with hopeful eyes. We finished our smokes and heard Raven giving instructions about our night.