Face the facts

I'm sitting there by Sam. I don't know if she's in a coma or not. Well, I don't know anything about her condition except that Laureen said she's not doing too hot. I don't even know her that well. I don't really know anyone that well. I mean, it'd kind of be weird if I was talking to a sleeping person I barely now. It just doesn't seem right. I feel bad for her, I really do. But there's nothing I can do. I'm here emotionally, but what's that going to do?

I just sit there. Then I feel guilty. I mean, she could die. I might as well talk to her. It's the least I could do. I can barely find something, but I do.

"Hey Sam," I say, awkward, "I know we've barely met. We're not the best of friends, but I hope you live so we could be. I mean, I just got done with my second day. But I really feel like I belong. It's thanks to you, Laureen, Alexis, Mark, Alex, and Shane too. It's only my second day and you're about to leave? Why? Why must you be taken away from us? Why does someone always suffer in my life when I show up? I don't do anything...yet here we are..."

She doesn't respond or wake up. Not a twitch, not a sudden movement, nothing. She just lays there, motionless. I sit there for a while. I don't say anything else. I just get up and leave. I tell Shane I'm ready to go. Someone I just met is already gone. I barely knew them, but they were still my friend. She didn't flatline, but it feels like she's already passed. Nobody knows if she's going to lu vee or die...but I don't like the feeling.

I get home and go to my room. I walk past my dad putting the few remaining groceries away. Shawn's sitting on his chair. I shut my door-not slam-and lock it.

I want to be alone. I just feel so upset. I feel sad and depressed. Well, when do I not? I would usually eat junk food when I got upset. Then I gained a few pounds, so I dropped it. I dropped it cause I was upset. Because I started eating unhealthy. Then I got even more sad and depressed. So I ate nothing. Then I came here. Had a ray of sunshine for one day. One. Fucking. DAY.

I want to scream. I want to cry. I thought I couldn't be emotionally attached to a human I barely know. But I'm wrong and I see it now, for my own eyes. I hate saying it so much. But I'm attached to a person I barely know. Not exactly Sam. Yes, I just got attached. Yes, I want to be friends with her. Yes, I'm sad she could-or is about to-die. But it's time I face the facts. I'm willing to accept it now. I'm ready to accept my feelings. I like Laureen.