Chapter 5 - Sure to Amoose You

Chapter Five - Sure To Amoose You

"My rambunctious rose, I have prepared for you the finest cuisine to ever meet those precious lips of yours," Sanji offered to me, hearts protruding from his eyes on the deck of his boat as we sailed after Nami, as well as Zoro, Usopp and one of the swordsmen that had gone on ahead.

Don't know which one. Or either of their names for that matter.

"Captain, I think Sanji's brought your meat," I announced, making the boy light up before diving for the plate of food.

"You break my heart, Eve-chan, why do you protest against my love?" Sanji cried, flicking the plate to the side so that Luffy ended up sprawled on the floor.

"Maybe it's 'cus you called her a ram's but," Luffy blinked, scooping up his drawing pad and sticking out his tongue.

I laughed at his attempt at drawing a ram's but, having to clutch my stomach as I rolled around on the floor. Then I stopped dead, feeling a quiver in my gut.

Just outside Arlong Park, a green haired swordsman struggled against the ropes his mutinous crewmates had tied him down with, preventing him from cutting down anything in his path.

"I feel great dishonor for my senpai!" I declared, shooting back up to my feet. "I suddenly have a great desire to slice Usopp into ittle-bitty pieces."

I ran for the bow of the ship, letting out a strangled cry as I attempted to dive off before my foot caught onto something and instead my face slammed onto the deck, cushioned by a cushion ex-machina. My neck snapped back as I attempted to summon Satan, offering him the sacrifice that was the chef Sanji as he clutched my leg. Seriously, Satan was getting an ass whooping one of these days if he didn't even accept my gifts.

"What the hell, curly-brow?" I snapped at him.

"You're staying here. I will not allow a hair on your angelic head to be harmed for some idiotic swordsman," Sanji scoffed.

"Oh, Sanji," I sighed, placing a hand on his chest as his heart seemingly burst from its depths before I kicked him between the legs and made him drop like a ten tonne anchor. "I'M NO ANGEL, BITCH. SO GET USED TO IT BEFORE MY DEMONIC ASS FRIES YOUR BALLS."

And with a nod towards Luffy, my eyes danced as he laughed at Sanji and gave me a wave. I kinda felt a bit sorry for the swordsman that was huddled in terror, cowering as far away from me as he could possibly get. Meh, senpai calls. Eve exits stage left, diving off the boat with majestic grace before setting off towards Arlong Park.

"Aww senpai," I whined, lifting myself from the water, frowning at the dispatched minions of the fishman that lay unconscious of the grounds of Arlong Park. "You could have waited for me."

"Then you should have gotten here faster," Zoro scoffed from his throne, hands rested behind his head, looking like the definition of awesome.

I crouched in my corner of shame, next to one of the pillars in the throne room as I hung my head. However, I soon sensed the chance for redemption as a trumpet rang throughout the room, my senpai cleverly deducting Usopp's location as he was offered a ride from the octopus.

"Hold it there, tentacles, if anyone is giving my senpai a lift it's me!" I declared, bending my knees as I motioned for Zoro to climb onto my back.

"Not a chance," Zoro snorted as he climbed into the octopus's floating basket that was bobbing up and down in the sea.

"So mean, senpai," I cried, mouth wobbling at the feeling of pure rejection.

I mean what the hell was a difference between riding an octopus and riding me anyway? I snickered to myself, lifting a hand to my mouth as my thoughts turned dirty.

"Are you coming with us?" the octopus asked from the water, sweat-dropping as I tried to make him burst into flames with a glare.

"I'll swim, thank you very much," I sneered, gritting my teeth.

"Then I hope you know the way because no mere human can compete with the swimming ability of a fishman."

"Try me, tentacles," I challenged, eyes flashing.

I sat on the shore, two pools of tears either side as I cried my eyes out.

"Wahhhh," I bawled. "Tentacles cheated! I swear I'll make calamari out of him when I see him again!"

At that I got up and kicked the sand, blinking as an angry looking crab popped out it. It shifted left and right, snapping its claws at me.

"Ya wanna go, Sebastian!" I sneered, watching it scuttle off as I sat back down and placed my chin in my folded arms. "That's what I thought."

It seemed the universe just had it in for me today because Sebastian came back… with friends. I got up on my feet, staring down the army of crabs, blinking as something large, black and spiky almost pelted me in the face. I dodged before nudging the item with my foot to realise that it was a sea urchin. I looked back up, seeing that each member of the crab army clenched them in their evil red claws. In response, I did the only logical option.

I pegged it across the way, screaming bloody murder as I dodged sea urchins. Several of them slapped me on my bare arms and legs making me yelp as I attempted to pull them out and run at the same time. It seemed I was going to die at the wrath of a crab army. That was before a mighty crash sounded and the crab army scuttled away, leaving me to blink at the massive cow-like creature before me.

"You saved me!" I beamed, wrapping my arms around the cow's snout, feeling the poor creature's trembling body. "Aww, shush little one, what's made you upset?"

I tilted my head as the cow made various noises such as 'mwoooooaaa' and 'mmwwuuu'. I translated that as 'my name is MoMoo and I just got beat up by three idiots in a boat before they made me pull their asses all the way here'.

"I know, I know," I sympathised, petting the cows snout gently. "My name is Savage T. Eve, and I just lost the respect of my dear senpai because some idiot cheated. It's a cruel world we live in, isn't it?"

MoMoo seemed to agree as tears streamed down his face. Both of our eyes widened as the sound of a rumbling stomach echoed throughout the area, which from a huge ass cow sounds more like thunder. I think the earth even shook a bit.

"Are you hungry, MoMoo?" I grinned as the cow bobbed his head a little. "Then let's go get you some lunch!"

I laughed as MoMoo seemed to jiggle in glee, his mood having done a one-eighty at the promise of food. In fact, I realised that this relationship could indeed be very beneficial, my smile growing by the second as a glorious idea bloomed in my mind.

"I have a feeling this is going to be a beautiful relationship, MoMoo. Now, let's go fishing!"

At the sound of a trumpet, my eyes sparkled gleefully as I hung onto dear life to MoMoo's head, the force of the water threatening to throw me off. A huge torrent of water flew into the air, my maniacal laughter ringing throughout the room as I pumped a fist in the air as we broke the surface to emerge on the battleground that was Arlong Park.

"YYYAAAAHOOOOOOOO!" I shrieked, tears streaming from my eyes from my laughter. "COW-ER BEFORE ME, BITCHES! YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE HAS ARRIVED!"

Several mouths dropped, while Luffy and Zoro grinned in my direction. Sanji even gave me an amused shake of his head. I smirked at the high-pitched screams (mainly from Usopp), gasps, and declarations of pure confusion from Arlong's Crew. I had to admit I had outdone myself.

"MoMoo," Arlong snarled, clearly pissed. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I gave MoMoo a reassuring pat as his body began to tremble, standing up to glare at the saw-nosed Arlong, trying not to cry with pride as MoMoo stood his ground.

"You leave MoMoo alone, bastard shark..." I shouted my sentiment at Arlong, trying to hold in a terrible urge to… "do-do-dodododo!"

The song burst out of my mouth with a bob of my head and a skillful jig. Zoro smacked himself in the face.

"And to think I was almost proud…" he muttered.

"You were proud, senpai?" I beamed, calling over to him with a wave whilst I used the other hand to hang off MoMoo's horn.

"Until you ruined it."

I hung my head, cursing such a catchy song as I sank into a depressed state.

"Forget that traitor!" Arlong called, indicating MoMoo. "Let's show these inferior humans not to mess with us!"

"Do not," I growled, eyes flashing, "OFFEND MOMOO!"

I tugged MoMoo forward, the cow-beast letting a deathly 'MOOO' before charging onto land and bucking around like a land-locked fish. Meanwhile, I shrieked gleefully from MoMoo's back as our enemies were crushed under his gigantic body before he swiftly returned to the sea water.

"Good work, Eve," Luffy shouted, face serious as his eyes narrowed on Arlong. "Now you've taken care of those small fries, I can get to work beating up the one I want, and that guy, is you!"

I nodded as Luffy pointed towards Arlong. However, I felt like I was forgetting something… something important. I looked over the main players, counting up Arlong and his three men, matching them against Luffy and the three Strawhats stood behind him. I sweat-dropped.

"WHO THE HELL AM I GOING TO FIGHT?"

I combed through the mass of Arlong's unconscious men, smacking a couple in the face in frustration.

"Come on, you limp noodles! Surely someone is still awake," I huffed, eyes narrowing as I heard something like the rattle of a salt shaker.

I tilted my head at the noise, peering at a blue fishman with large lips and curly brown hair.

"Gotcha!" I grinned, picking up the man who squealed in my grasp.

"Don't hurt me!" he cowered.

"Come on! Don't be like that! You're strong, right? One of Arlong's best fighters I bet!"

"I'm the musician!" he cried, causing me to sweat-drop as he held up his maracas with shaking hands, causing them to rattle.

"Of all the idiots to survive it had to be the damn musician," I sighed, dropping the fishman to smack my head against the ground in frustration.

That was when Arlong threw Luffy into the sea, his form weighed down by the rock that his feet were embedded in. I sighed. At least I had something to do. Running up to the water, I dove in, eyes narrowing on Luffy as I pulled my body through the water. However, Luffy let go of his mouth, waving his hands at me. I frowned, turning to see the musician had followed me into the water. My grin widened as I remembered that even the weakest fishman could be strong when in the water. It was on, bitches!

I withdrew two knives from my belt, kicking upwards and launching myself to the musician with a devilish grin. As he aimed his maraca at my head I kicked off his arm, using the momentum to dodge. As he came at me a second time, I spun and slashed my knives into his side, yelping as he hit my chest with the maraca. Hurt like a fucking bitch, I tell you! Aaand now I had no air. I broke the surface gasping for air as I heard someone shout my name. I lifted myself onto the side, screaming when something grabbed my foot.

"Ahhh, seaweed got my foot!" I yelled.

"No, it's me," the musician sweat-dropped.

"I know," I grinned, slamming my free foot into his face multiple times before using the side to launch myself back into the water with enough momentum to slice my opponent's hand off and re-emerge.

I shuddered as a scary aura appeared behind me, the musician rising from the depths like I had finally managed to raise Satan, despite the lack of chanting.

"You. You cut off my hand! I'll never be able to play the maracas again!"

"What about your other hand?" I frowned.

My vision blackened as something smashed against my head, blood obscuring my vision as it mixed with the water and stained it red. The fishman came for me, one maraca raised. I let out a breathy laugh as I realised the music really was gonna get me. That was when a mighty 'MOO' came from the ocean, MoMoo re-emerging despite me sending him away. The giant cow creature slammed the musician down into the water and I followed, kicking off the side to view… MoMoo running away with tears in his eyes. I gestured for MoMoo to swim towards me, and the sea-cow didn't fail to obey. I held out a hand, steady… steady… up!

At the last moment I lifted a blade and MoMoo dodged upwards as the musician headed straight towards my knife, unable to stop his momentum. I slashed across his chest with fury, watching as the fishman floated backwards, his chest bleeding profusely as his only maraca floated from his grasp. I burst back on the surface, sat atop MoMoo's head with the unconscious fishman as I placed his single maraca back in his only hand.

"Gotta go..." I panted, my words cut off as I gasped for breath, "save Luffy."

I stood up on MoMoo's head, staggering slightly.

"Eve!"

"Oh, hey Nami," I smiled, one eye closed. "I got a real nice speech for ya, but first, I gotta go and get our Captain!"

I dove off MoMoo's head, eyes gleaming as I caught up with the octopus that had given my senpai a lift. Time for some payback, cheating scum! I tapped the octopus on the shoulder. As he twisted around at a great speed, blood spattered from his body as his wounds from Zoro reopened. Sanji brought his leg to the rock that trapped Luffy's legs, destroying it into pieces. As Luffy's body recoiled I grabbed on, letting out a 'wheeeeee' as I flew out the water at a great speed, even higher than Luffy, like a Firebird Star shot from Usopp's slingshot. I was having a jolly good time before I realised gravity was not my friend. I fell to the earth like a comet upon reentry, my limbs flailing midair before I crashed into someone else being screwed over by gravity. Together, we landed in a heap on a ledge.

"Senpai!" I yelled cheerfully, having landed on top of his chest.

That was when I realised his soul was trying to escape and I heroically shoved it back into his body. No payouts for you Brook, *shakes fist into the air*. I leaned in, eyes shining as Zoro muttered what I presumed to be his eternal gratitude and praise.

"What was that senpai, I couldn't quite hear you?" I requested, placing my ear to his mouth.

"Your knee is in my wound."

I shrieked, pushing myself off him and managing to knee him in the balls in the process.

"I'm so sorry, senpai," I cried, slamming my palms to the ground as I bowed before him repeatedly for forgiveness.

My head turned as Luffy gave a furious bellow, having just displayed an attempt at swordplay on par with my level (which was god awful if you don't remember).

"Of course I don't know how to fight with swords, you dumbass!" he shrieked at Arlong. "I don't know a thing about navigation either! I can't cook. I can't lie, and I definitely can't swim."

I blinked. Was that… character development?

"I'm confident that I wouldn't be able to survive if other people weren't there to help me!"

I shook my head, turning away from Luffy's ass kicking as I stripped off my yellow T-shirt, and tore it into one long strip. I worked on wrapping a now snoozing Zoro's chest, only turning around momentarily when Arlong jumped into the water to cry out the two notes from 'Jaws' before returning to slowing down my senpai's blood loss. When Arlong Park fell, I began clapping. Bloody good show, as my fellow Brits would put it (just kidding, no-one actually says that). It also meant that when I turned around to tend my senpai, he was replaced with a rock. Eh?

Senpai tracking activated. Senpai found! Current status: badass while smacking around Marines. Ah few! I shook my head as Nami whacked him good too, tilting my head as the Marine shouted about pudding. Mmm… chocolate mousse. I think I started to drool.

"Hey, Eve?" I blinked, turning to Nami. "What did you want to tell me? You said something about a speech?"

"Ohh, it doesn't matter now. Moments kind of gone," I shrugged, twisting my black tank top in my hands sheepishly to make it squelsh water.

"Come on, I'm curious," she smiled.

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you found the cookies. Regardless of whether you'd eaten them or not, I wanted you to know that you'll always be good enough for my cookies, Nami!" I grinned.

"Eve, that's so…"

"Plus, now I can get away with paying my so-called 'fines' with cookies and you'll think it's sweet," I giggled, placing a flat palm on my mouth and sucking in my cheeks.

I collapsed to the ground as my head injury took an expected turn for the worse.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN THE MOMENT, YOU IDIOT?!"

"What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

Early in the morning!"

I slammed my keg of sake into someone else's, no idea whose. I span around in what I expect was a very graceful manner, losing myself in the merriment of the post-battle celebrations, a dazzling orca hat perched on my head in place of my typical pom-pom one. How I ended up on the floor with my but in the air, I'll never know.

"Is she drunk?"

"You're drunk!" I yelled back, blinking as I seemed to be pointing between someone's legs.

I lifted my head, resting my shoulder on… something as I looked towards Usopp and Sanji's smirking faces.

"Heyy guys!" I chirped at a frequency two octaves higher than the norm. "I have the best idea! Gomu Gomu… BOUNCY BALL! We chuck Luffy in a room full of enemies and he just…" I curled my fist, flicking my wrist back and forth in what I imagine resembled a bouncy ball ricocheting off multiple enemies, all whilst making explosive noises. "We gotta tell Luffy!"

"I swear, never let this girl anywhere near Luffy while she's drunk. That's a disaster waiting to happen."

"Do you guys hear senpai? I totally heard him right now!" I gasped, looking around, mouth wide.

"He's carrying you, you idiot!" Usopp laughed, snickering as he pointed towards me.

"He is? SENPAI!" I shrieked as I let my head drop to wrap my arms around senpai's waist. "Senpai, where's Luffy? We gotta make him try out the Gomu Gomu Bouncy Ball!"

"You're going to bed," Zoro grumbled.

"No fair," I pouted, crossing my arms as I righted myself once again and tilted my head at Sanji. "You'll free me, won't you, Sanji?"

I batted my eyelashes at him.

"Now I know she's drunk," Sanji laughed.

"Ahh, I forgot you're so much weaker than senpai," I sweat-dropped.

"No I'm not!" Sanji yelled back, teeth sharp. "I'm ten times stronger than that damn wasabi!"

"Want to say that to my face, ya limp noodle!" Zoro snapped, swinging me around to face Sanji.

I snickered.

"Did you pick that up from Eve?" Sanji retorted. "Can't even come up with your own insults, can you, seaweed brain?"

I blinked now finding myself on the ground as the two squared up against each other.

"YAHOO! FFFRRRRRREEEEEEDDDOOOOMMMMM!"

I ran across Nami's Village, hands in the air as I spotted Luffy in the distance.

"Luffy! Luffy!" I called, using my maximum circumference to wave. "I have the best ide-AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I ran straight past Luffy who blinked at me before clutching his stomach and bursting at laughing at the sight of Usopp lunging for me before I dodged with a cackle and ran off with Sanji and Zoro in pursuit.

"Get back here!"

"Listen to your senpai, dammit!"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, SUCKERS!"

As the day came to set sail, I laughed with the others as we departed and Nami robbed everyone of their wallets. Looking over the vast ocean I sucked in the salty air, blinking as Nami crossed her arms and gave me a look.

"What?" I blinked.

"You know what," Nami frowned.

"Seriously Nami, what's up?"

Nami pointed out to the ocean, making me sweat-drop as MoMoo's giant face lurked in the water next to our boat. Upon seeing us the sea-cow began to sweat, holding his giant flippers to his eyes and ducking his head half underwater, causing the sea water to splash up in a very obvious manner.

"He's not exactly subtle, Eve."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I shrugged, tilting my head to the side and nodding it downwards to MoMoo, before whistling into the sky.

"Luffy, tell Eve she can't just drag MoMoo with us to the Grand Line!" Nami protested, clenching her fists as she turned to the Captain sitting on the figurehead.

"I think I'd notice if the hippo was following us, Nami," Luffy laughed, causing Usopp, Zoro and Sanji to sweat-drop as they all looked towards the giant sea-cow who was still hiding behind his flippers.

"Well that settles it! Captain has the final word!" I chirped, smiling broadly as everyone shrugged and continued with their day as if a giant sea-cow wasn't following us.

I gave MoMoo a thumbs up.

"Good job, MoMoo!" I called, laughing as he started jumping up and down like a dolphin in the distance.

The giant triple lump I got on my head in response? Worth it.

A/N: To Lily E. Miller, sorry it wasn't the best! Hopefully this one is better. Maybe one day I'll rewrite but at the moment I'm just having fun, ya know! :D To surgeononlaw (great name, btw), glad you like it and if you like her as Buggy's daughter you are going to LOVE the next chapter! Also don't know if you noticed but I drew a Savage T. Eve for the little picture. It's not great, but I had fun.

Also I need help: currently thinking of epithets for Eve's bounty posters. I'm tempted to go with Eve 'the insane' cus it's soo true, but maybe it should be something like 'Clown-child'. If you have any ideas or suggestions that would be great!