How We Remember You

When we return to Azuchi the days and months pass by in a blur. I feel like I am merely floating from day to day, just waiting for the days to end so I can lay in the futon next to Hideyoshi, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and slipping into dreams of the three of us together again. I dream of what it could have been like to raise our children, to run the country, and spend our days together. When I wake there are usually already tears streaming from my eyes and Hideyoshi is already holding me tightly.

When we arrived back to the castle it was already dark and we went straight to the tenshu upon habit. It wasn't until we got to the door that we both stopped. We stood there for what felt like an hour, breathing unevenly. "This feels wrong…" I whisper.

Hideyoshi hums "Hm. Maybe we could stay somewhere else…"

I took a deep breath before responding. "No. This is where we should stay." I slide the door open and was stopped by his hand. When I turn to look up at his face his brows are knit and shaky. His voice is unsteady as well as he speaks. "If his things are still in there… or if they aren't… I don't know which one I want… I don't know which one will be more painful…"

I completely turned around and wrap my arms around his neck. "Neither… both… I don't know either…" He closes his eyes and pushes the door open behind me before pressing his lips to mine for a brief kiss, one for courage, another for comfort as he pushes us into the room. More kissing, desperately trying to avoid looking at the room, but the smell of jasmine flowers and incense bring back memories, and we both press further into each other's lips.

Nobunaga and I's wedding night, his patience, the way he touched Ranmaru, the way he touched me for the first self administered pleasures, it all floods my mind as Hideyoshi begins tugging at my clothes and I am doing the same to his. The night the three of us stayed here, before heading to my village, the way the three of us held each other, my mind is being overwhelmed by the memories of that morning; waking up early, bringing food to them, the way Nobunaga watched as Hideyoshi took me on the table, providing support until his time came to fill me. "Hide…" I moan as his teeth graze my shoulder and my kimono falls to the ground. "Open your eyes with me?" I wish I felt strong enough to make my words a command, but I can't do this if he doesn't do it with me.

"No." He growls and suddenly I feel a silk sash around my eyes being carefully tied behind my head. "I know this room as well as my own body. I don't need my eyes yet."

I brought my hands from behind his neck to the sides of his face to find he had already bound another sash around his own eyes. He brought his lips to mine again in a slow, languid, kiss before scooping me up, naked, and walking us to the futon to lay me down. I heard the sliding of his robes to the floor before feelingl his warm skin against my back. His hands glide over my belly and slides down between my legs. Without sight everything felt more sensitive. The smell of Hideyoshi's sweat and the outside air that still clung to him, the taste of his lips, sweet and hungry; His breath is like strong winds across a field when he pulls and pushed the air through his nose, unwilling to part our lips. His touch felt hard, I am unsure if he had always pressed this firmly to me, or if this was when he started to.

I came for him faster than I have ever before. I tried to focus on creating when he moves behind me, his hands gripping my hips and pulling them up and spreading my thighs. My head presses into the pillow in front of me and I cry out, not from my husband entering me now, but because the smell of my first husband is still imbedded in this pillow, his sweat, his musk. "Find me" Nobunaga's voice echoes in my mind as Hideyoshi presses and pulls inside of me at a steady pace. His fingers gripped me so hard it hurt, but none of it compares to my heart, none of it brings me as much pain as Nobunaga's absence.

As I silently cried into the pillow I was pulled away from own grief when I felt a drop of something cold on my back and the faintest pained whispers behind me. "Nobu." Hideyoshi did not relax his grip and his pace of thrusts did not ease either as he continued to whisper our husband's name.

I turned to the side so he could hear my whimperings. "Nobu— Nobu—" I continued with him, gradually we grew louder as he reached deep inside of me. My whimpers turn into yelps and cries from the shocks of pleasure that run up my spine. The ache in my heart feels like it is being ripped open with every thrust the closer we got to release.

Release… I may pour myself onto him and he may spill into me, but we will never find release from this grief… from this ache… from the overwhelming sense of guilt.

When we fell asleep that first night back, curled into his chest and breathing heavily, the blindfolds remained.

I wish I could have just slept through the night and the next day, and that following week, but instead my child had plans of his own and I woke up in the middle of the night to him thrashing inside of me and it suddenly started to feel tight. I called for help, waking Hideyoshi. The low light and the distraction of the pregnancy helped us ignore the fact that Nobunaga's things have been removed from the tenshu and replaced with Hideyoshi's things, other that the base furniture and smells, it is as if Nobunaga was never up here… If it wasn't for the rapid activity of the little one in me we would probably be throwing fits at the staff for removing the Oda's things without our express permission. While we wait for the attendants he sits behind me, unsure what to do with his hands, I grab them and place them where the movements can be felt and I hear the faintest gasp of a laugh. His chuckled words trail off painfully when he comments on the activity beneath the surface of my belly. "He's very active…" Like his father, he won't finish the statement, but we both know that's what he means.

The women who will attend to me during the remainder of my pregnancy pour into the room, and I am quickly instructed to lie back on my husband's chest. The tightening has ceased but the child is still so active it hurts. "This is normal." Is the best the women can come up with. They have me drink some soothing tea, and suggest we go for a short walk before trying to sleep again.

We walk around the tenshu, out on the patio, avoiding talking about the lack of his things, just silently walking and looking out over the city.

The next day I wake up late, Hideyoshi is already gone, and Sueko is sitting at the table reading through letters, waiting for me. "Good morning." I groan as I try to sit up.

She smiles, her eyes not leaving whatever it is she is reading. "Mmm. There is some food for you at the table. You should really get dressed first though."

My face flushes red as I begin to realize I am only barely wrapped in Hideyoshi's robes from yesterday. How much of me did she see?! I do as she suggests and find one of my black robes before sitting at the table across from her to begin eating some of the broth and rice that has been brought for me. "What is on the schedule for today?" I ask between bites.

She finally looks up at me with her bright green eyes. "I have wedding planning. You have resting and relaxing until tonight."

"What happens tonight?" I ask with worried brows, especially at the calm yet pleased look on her face.

"A gift." She states before tucking her letters into her robes and standing to leave. When she gets to the door she stops and turns to me with a somber look. "Is it okay if Masamune and I join the two of you for dinner, up here in the tenshu tonight?"

The idea feels somewhat indecent. The only people I have shared a meal with up here have also warmed my bed… and Masamune has a history on this futon as well… and my sister… but the look in her eyes is something hopeful yet sad… "I suppose…" I say before turning my focus to my food and she leaves.

I did as my sister requested and rested all day, besides a short walk through one of the gardens.The day passed in a blur. Even when Hideyoshi returned with Sueka and Masamune for dinner, the meal felt like I was only watching from a distance and not actually there. I hardly contributed to conversation. Most of the conversation is about the upcoming wedding and how we will participate. Hideyoshi suddenly goes from speaking in a friendly jovial tone to something a bit more diplomatic. "With your village destroyed… I will make sure your dowry is still in place, in full… and another half to thank you both for your parts in the war." I sharply inhale at the mention of my village and soften at the rest of his words, despite the removed nature he shared the information, I can see his concern and care for my sister in his eyes and lean my head to his arm.

After a few more blurry moments of conversation Sueko gets up. "Rina. Come to the balcony with me." Her hand extends to mine as she waits for Hideyoshi to help me to my feet.

I walk arm in arm with my sister to the balcony to find there are materials and drawing utensils waiting for us. "What is this?"

Her eyes soften, that pain in her eyes is there still, even as she smiles. "It's time to remember those that passed."

I begin to shake as her words and the materials begin to make sense. "Flying lanterns…." My eyes go wide as I look behind me to see my husband with a similarly sad smile to my sister's and a slow nod.

Masamune and Sueko take the desk and Hideyoshi and I take the table to paint and write on our lantern. It takes us a long time to decide what to put on this lantern but eventually we decide and I paint the phoenix, strong winds lifting her from the ashes, Nobunaga's seal just above the beak as if she were holding him up. Underneath the drawing we decide to write "NabuHideRin"

When we return to the balcony and I look out over the castle and the closest parts of the city I can see that our people are waiting, lanterns in hand, ready to honor those who lost their lives to the war, those who fought for Nobunaga's vision. I was so focused on the scene of people waiting out there that when Hideyoshi lit the lantern the light surprised me.

We held it out together over the railing and watch as the people below begin to light theirs. My voice is shaky as I grip the lantern. "What if I am not ready to let go…"

His voice is just as unsteady as mine. "We are never letting go of him Rina. We will remember him for as long as we live and hold on to him in that way. Today we are honoring the sacrifice he made for the people he loves." I nod, the shaking stills and together we release the lantern. Our eyes stay fixed to the lantern as the wind carries it up and away from us, towards the moon. Soon other lanterns join ours in the sky and the entire expanse is full of warm yellow and orange lanterns of grateful mourning.

A festival was held to celebrate the end of the war, the unification of Japan, and the return of the emperor to Azuchi. Dancers precede us as I am carried through the town in an ornate open palanquin with sparkling beads, long green, red, and black fabrics and little bells. Between the dancers and my place is Hideyoshi on the back of his horse. He sits with a proud and confident posture as we slowly made our way through our city. I tried to match him, I tried to look pleasant, but smiling and eye contact feels too difficult.

When we returned to the castle I asked to take my meal in the tenshu, and once he was satisfied that the baby and I were okay, and that handmaids would be with me, Hideyoshi allowed my retreat. I barely ate when the girls brought the meal. "My lady, I know these festivities are difficult…" Misayo, my most trusted handmaid has finally returned to me after spending time with her family during the war to mourn the loss of her brother. She sounds weary of me already, and I should care, but I don't. She continues speaking as I begin to undress for bed. "For the sake of the baby— you should eat some more…"

My back was to her when I turned to shoot a glare at her over my shoulder like an arrow. "For the sake of my child…" I repeat in a whisper as I turn around to face her. "You think a little more food will help him? Will it ensure a healthy delivery? A happy childhood? Strength when we send him away to train and fight? Will a little more food tonight bring him everything he needs?" I am shaking, fists clenched, as I stand facing her and she does not show any signs of intimidation, unlike the other two girls in the room who have crossed and grabbed their arms. "Tell me Misayo, will it bring back his father?" She takes a sharp inhale.

"No." She states, a slight pain in her word.

I turn away again and quickly undo the gold and black robes I was made to wear for the festival. The other two girls quickly dress me in a black night robe. "I am going to sleep then."

Misayo sounds stunned. "You won't wait for the lord?"

I crawl into the futon, pulling the blankets over me, pulling pillows between my legs, under the side of my belly and pull another to my chest. "No." I hum before settling into the blankets.

Months pass, I live in a haze as the weather turns and cools. I hardly remember Sueko and Masamune's wedding. I granted every one of their wishes, making sure it was ornate, elaborate, and as full as possible. I was there, I ate with them, but I don't feel grounded enough to remember the details until we sent them off to their own lands to rule.

I held her tightly, she had visited me every day in the tenshu, climbing all of those steps even as her belly grew and her lungs were stressed by her own child. She was one of the few people keeping me hardly anchored to sanity, and then she left. With happy tears as she waved from inside of her palanquin, she left like some of the first leaves of fall when the winds carry it away from its branch.

The days dragged on once Sueko was gone. I filled most of them hidden in the tenshu, drawing and painting, mostly Nobunaga… Sometimes it was his eyes, other times his lips. I cannot seem to put all of the separate pieces together though to make a whole face. It's the same with his body. I can paint his hands in some detail, the scar on his chest from his brother, the strong muscles over his shoulders and upper arms, but never the whole being.

Hideyoshi is on his own journey of grief alongside me. He pours himself into his new role. There are nights he returns to me, sake still on his breath, attempting to swallow our grief whole. There are other nights he does not return at all, the bed stays cold in his place. I asked him about it after the second time. "Walking." Was the only answer I have been given. It wasn't until a month passed and his absences from our bed increased in frequency that I began to ask the servants and staff. Misayo is the one to bring me the answer I trusted the most. "He— has been interviewing…" She swallows hard. Her pause allowed my mind to wander and fill in the gaps. My words are a solemn whisper. "A second wife…"

"No!" She blurts out. My furrowed brows and frustrated glare encourage her to speak quickly. "He's been interviewing those who practice… spiritual arts…"

My whisper now is still solemn, however there is a hint of approval. "Nobu—"

"Mn" She nods. "He stays up late in the audience hall, interviewing, rereading notes from interviews, reading the books and scrolls some have brought him, he stays up so late he passes out at the table. His men carry him sleeping to the closest room that has been set up with a futon for him to rest more comfortably."

Over these months my belly has swelled and stretched my abdomen further than I thought possible. The added weight brings new pains as my joints have also began to loosen. Nightly I receive careful massages from my ladies before going to sleep, alone most nights.

It is a rare night. Just as I was getting ready to drop my robes and lay down for my massage the door into the tenshu slides open and with his kind voice Hideyoshi tiredly excuses the ladies for the night. I hear him and Misayo discussing something before his voice continues with some joy in it. "Thank you. I will be careful with her."

With that I jerk to see my handmaiden slip out of the room. "I am not fragile."

He chuckles lightly. "No, you most certainly not. Misayo was only instructing me on where to avoid while I give you your massage tonight."

I huff and quickly uncover myself and position the pillows around me to be comfortable. I heard him take in a sharp inhale when I disrobed. He waited for me to settle before coming to my side, his warm hands begin to press and knead at my lower back and hips when he speaks in a low and sad tone. "You… you have changed so much these last couple of months… forgive me…"

I try to look back at him, and have to settle with looking to the side. "For what exactly? For not laying with me up here, sleeping and mourning all day… or for your nightly searches that have kept you away from me?" His hands continue pressing and moving up my back.

"So you forgive me." He states when I turn back to the futon. A low, pleased, hum into the futon escapes me from the comfort of his massage. "Is this helping?" He asks and I nod my head.

He works slowly across my back and my hips in silence, the only sounds in the room are the occasional hums and soft moans from the relief he is bringing me as my body begins to heat up. Steadily my temperature climbs and speeds through my body and I ask him to stop when the tightening I had felt before takes hold "Call the women back in…" I groan when the second wave of tightening releases.

"Is everything okay?" He asks.

"CALL THE WOMEN NOW!" I command with little to no kindness. "I think it's time. You should leave too."

He quickly gets up to summon the assistance I will need, and he returned to find me on all fours trying to breath steadily as I wait for the next session. He presses his palms into my hips again and when I angrily grunt at him he responds sternly. "I won't be leaving your side."

I groan. "What is it with the men I love and their insistence to be where they are not needed…"

The waves of pain come and go throughout the night. Everyone attending to my health keeps me hydrated and fed throughout the night, encouraging me to sleep when I can. The little sleep I do get, with Hideyoshi close behind me, rubbing circles on my lower back, it never feels like enough rest.

The early morning continues in the same way until a few hours after everyone's first meal. A gush of fluids spill out of me and it was as if a switch is flipped. My body switches from hot to cold, There are moments when all I want to do is pace around, and then the waves hit me and I am clinging on to whatever structure, be it a pillar or my husband, reminded constantly to not hold my breath.

At some point Ieyasu came to check on me, bringing a basket of teas, salves, and tinctures. After witnessing two waves of pain wash through me and speaking to the attendants in hushed tones, he speaks in a blank tone, trying to hide the pleasure at my pain that I can see in his eyes. "From what I have observed, and what Misayo tells me, the child should emerge by the end of today."

I speak, irritated, tired, exasperated. "The end of the day?! You mean this could keep going all day?!"

Ieyasu huffs at me. "For all I know it could continue through the night again. You just seem to be progressing now, but you can always stall… knowing you and the father of this child… I doubt it will take that much longer though." He rolls his eyes. When he notices that Hideyoshi has been up all night with us he huffs again. "You shouldn't be in here… it's not something an untrained man needs to see."

I look at my husband with a humored smirk, I was right. Hideyoshi lets a single unhumored "ha" escape him before speaking very clearly. "Nothing is going to pull me away from her. Not even her protests. Have you forgotten where I grew up before Nobunaga found me? I've seen women give birth. I've caught children in an orchard when their master refused to let them labor in their own rooms during the harvest. I'm not going anywhere. I'm catching our child, I will always have his back."

"Oooh!" I groan, a low guttural sound that pulls everyone's attention to me. Their focus turns to mild concern and when I come through the wave I demand to be told why they looked that way.

Misa yo smiles calmly, I want to punch her. "It's only some blood."

I roll my eyes as I begin to speak."Oh. I see. Stop with the worried looks. Ooh aah— blood is— mmmm— nooorrrrmal!" This wave came as soon as it's predecessor ceased. It's time.

There is a flurry of activity as I move to my hands and knees facing Hideyoshi. My face is red and sweat drops from my brow. "Stay with me." I pant.

"Always" he whispers and presses his cool lips to my forehead.

He does everything he promised. He stays with me through every push, as I grips his forearms tight enough to leave bruises each time, whispering encouragements while I try to breath.

"Move." I moan as another push approaches. When he doesn't move I look up at him with fierce eyes. "Catch him!" Hideyoshi Toyotomi stays true to his word and catches our son, just in the nick of time.

I can hear them behind me as they clean him off and wait patiently for the fist cries. I haven't seen my child's face yet, but his cries are victorious and enraged, the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. "He sounds like his father." I cry, I'm an emotional catastrophe in this moment.

"He looks like him too." Hideyoshi remarks through happy tears.

We settle quickly into the futon once all of the blankets have been replaced. It takes some time and effort for my child and I to connect for a proper first feed, but when we do find a position that suits both of us he is a strong eater. "He does look like him…" I muse as a thumb brushes the side of the nursing baby's face.

"What are we to call him?" Hideyoahi asks. His arm is wrapped behind me, fingers stroking my upper arm.

There is some silence as I ponder his question until I land on the name I prefer. "Nobuyoshi."

His breath caught for a moment. "Are… are you sure? Nobukatsu might be more appropriate…"

"He's yours too… you should be represented in his name. Whatever the three of us were was something-- different, therefore our child should also be named something different. Nobuyoshi sounds better than Hidenaga… no?"

He chuckles, the shaking disturbs the nursing baby who pulls away and grunts before rutting around to find his teat again and begin furiously nursing. I have a hard time stifling my own laughter as I turn to look at my husband. "How dare you disturb the young lord from his feast?"

"My apologies Nobuyoshi." He hums his words while rubbing the back of our baby's head.

Those first three months are absorbed in a flash as we continue to adjust to ruling a unified Japan, and being brand new parents. Nobuyoshi has his father's hunger and fondness for my breasts, wishing to be by them always, refusing the first three wet nurses we auditioned, until finally we decided that the fourth one would just have to stick around until he learned to appreciate the services she provides for our family.

One day, while Hideyoshi came to rest with me in the tenshu and watch as Nobuyoshi rested I realized what date was approaching. "Hide… next week…"

"Is the anniversary of the hot spring." He states with eyes half lidded and fixed to the sleeping child between us. "I was thinking we could go… for a couple of days, now that you've rested and can travel."

"Yes." Is the only answer he gets before I climb on to his lap, careful to not disturb the baby, and kiss him deeply. The last three months have brought us closer somehow. Even though he is busy with his new position he's made sure to spend time with me and Nobuyoshi and attend to any needs he can, spoiling me with treats from the city.

His hands grip my hips as he leans into another kiss. ���Rina—" his voice is thick with a sudden need. "Do you think we could..."

I smile against his lips. "I'll summon someone to get the baby."

As soon as the wet nurse walks out of the room I am picked up, my legs instinctively wrap around his hips.

Three months passed without this kind of physical contact, and I feel in a rush to feel his skin against mine again while he is trying to slow things down. His voice is hoarse. "Rina, calm down. I'm not going anywhere."

I suddenly pull away with a thoughtful look. Is that why I am feel this rushed need? Because I am afraid that I won't have him long enough. I'm afraid he will be taken from me too early, like Nobunaga, before I was done loving him. "What if you do?"

"Hm?" His brows knit.

"What if you go somewhere. What if I don't get enough of you? What if—" My words are swallowed by his kiss and when he senses my relaxing he pulls away.

He smiles gently, making sure he has my focus. "I'm not going anywhere. I've kept my word with you on nearly every other occasion…" His eyes darken, he's thinking of bringing Nobunaga back. I wrap my arms around his neck and his lips into another kiss as my legs slide back to the floor.

When I pull away his eyes stay closed and the look of disappointment is still visible. My words are stern at first but soften towards the end. "Enough. I know that if there is a way, you will find it. I trust you on all matters as I know you do the same with me." When his eyes open they are softer and more at ease.

His voice is lustful again as he pulls me closer and begins to unwrap my robes. "Thank you." His lips meet mine, hungry.

My robes hit the floor and he pulls away to remove his own. His eyes scan my changed body. The scars of Kenshin are no longer the most prominent marks. Looking like flames along my belly and hops there are scars from way Nobuyoshi stretched my skin beyond its previous limitations. My breasts also grew, small dark tick marks on the sides are proof of new growth, along with the feeling of fullness that seems to rarely leave them. Hideyoshi's voice is a whisper that hides none of his desires. "Beautiful."

Blood rushes to my cheeks, I would disagree with him, except I agree. When I see my body now I believe it is beautiful, because it is marked by love and sacrifice now, not control and hatred.

As soon as he is uncovered his need stands tall from the throne of his hips and I kneel before it. I welcome him into my mouth, eliciting a moan of pleasure that lasts until he reaches the back of my throat and turns into a grunt. Short and fast movements back and forth with him pressed to the roof of my mouth quickly brings a small amount of his salty warmth into my mouth. I have to push away, slowly, to swallow what he has given me and when I do he doesn't give me time to pull him back into my mouth as he leans down to pick me up off the floor and lay me on the futon.

His lips press to mine and quickly move to my smiling cheek and then my jaw. He quickly finds the pressure point on my neck that evokes a moan while one of his hands trail down my arm and down to my heat to slowly press and swirl at the top of the curtains, making my moan turn into something closer to a wail for a moment. I feel warmer than usual, more sensitive too as his pressure eases and movements slow. His lips leave my neck to find the place where my ribs meet in the front and trail down between the slightly swollen mounds. His tongue swirls around one nipple as his other large warm hand cups the other and he hums pleasantly before pulling his head up. When I look down, expecting eye contact, I find him staring, amused, at my breasts. "What? You've seen them before?"

He lets out a delighted huff before speaking with absolute fascination. "You're leaking."

Slightly mortified I raise to my elbows. This has happened before, just not like this. When the baby cries or when I take a bath they leak uncontrollably until I press them, hard enough to bruise. Hideyoshi doesn't give me the chance to stop them as his mouth is suddenly back to the one he had been at before and he begins to squeeze the other. I whine as I watch the warm milk shoot out of my free nipple, and he laughs. He has the nerve to laugh while suckling at my teat like a baby cow. "You! Stop! There is milk all over my chest!"

He pulls up, a slight popping sound when my nipple escapes. "I'll lick it up later." He smiles and I groan while letting my head fall back to the futon. His voice sounds too innocent for his actions. "Does it feel good? You said they ache most of the time from needing to feed… I just thought I might help... I was nervous I wouldn't like it, but when I first licked your nipple and you leaked into my mouth… It's very sweet."

I looked down half way through his little speech, irritation melts to humor when I see his sincere face. I take a moment to feign thinking before smiling. "It does feel nice. It's just a bit… embarrassing…"

His head tilts. "Why? I think it's amazing that your body is capable of so much." All I can do is roll my eyes and wave my hand to signal my approval of his new found pleasure.

When he is satisfied that my breasts are comfortably emptied he licks and laps up whatever spilled on my chest that trailed down between my ribs and settled into my belly button that he has to suck a bit out of before reaching my patiently aching folds with his tongue. Slowly he runs his tongue up and down before pressing in and scooping up with his tongue. He mumbles, his lips brushing against me make me anxious for more. "I missed this." His tongue once again laps at me before his lips tug and suck at the pebble at the top and his first finger presses inside and I moan loudly. Everything feels more sensitive and somewhat painful as he adds fingers that used to easily please me before. I do my best to hide the discomfort, to no avail, he knows me too well and slowly removes his fingers. While speaking lovingly. "It's uncomfortable for you?" I shake my head and he grunts before speaking further. "I can tell. I know what you sound like when you're pleasured. Should we stop?"

"No!" I grip his shoulders and look at him very seriously. "I miss you. I miss being filled by you. Please. Please fill me." My cheeks must be dark red from shame as I beg my husband to have sex with me. His chuckle doesn't help.

"Okay. You'll tell me if you want to stop though." He looks stern.

I nod my head. "Yes. Yes. Now please fill me, please."

The brush of the tip, the pressure of the first inches, and his controlled thrust inside brings back a familiarity that is slightly comforting the sting and ache as I become reacquainted with our bodies. His thrusts are slow and careful and driving me insane. "Lose some control Hide."

He growls against my ear. "Turn around."

I follow his command quickly, and am on my hands and knees, waiting for him to thrust into me more rapidly. Instead I feel slick fingers against the other exposed entrance. My blood begins to heat as he presses fingers in and I'm so distracted by what he's doing with his fingers inside me that when he enters me again it doesn't hurt. "Yes." I moan as he pounds himself into me, the sound of our skin slapping against each other fills the room along with the soft moans and grunts until he finishes.

He pulls me close to him when he's collapsed to the bed. "Good?" He whispers.

"Mmm" I hum while lifting my hand back to stroke his cheek.

Despite only connecting like this one more time before heading to the hot springs a week later, we feel more deeply connected.

The wet nurse travels with Nobuyoshi in a heavily guarded cart, made comfortable for them. Against Ieyasu's insistence I ride horseback. It feels amazing to be back on a horse near the front of the party with Hideyoshi. I feel strong again on the back of a horse, even as I head to a place that is sure to bring back some bittersweet memories, I know I can face them with Hideyoshi by my side.

It is late when we arrive at the hot spring. When Hideyoshi approaches me on his horse just as I was about to dismount, his calm words surprise me. "Come with me. To the lake."

"Right now?" I question.

He simply nods his head and urges his horse forward for me to follow him.

Filling my lungs with the cool night air brings a sense of calm as Hideyoshi and I ride off towards the lake with only one scout ahead of us.