Needs

When I imagined Nobunaga returning to us it was all smiles, happy crying, embracing, kissing. Feverish kissing and clawing at each other like brand new lovers. I painted his lips hundreds of times, imagining their warmth and skill as they had been when he kissed me before. His eyes I painted joyous, passionate or proud.

When Hideyoshi and I embrace Nobunaga that faint smile turns into a pained scream before collapsing into our arms. Just a moment after his collapse the light begins to shake and slowly turn back into the white light of the moon and we sink into the water.

I swim close by as Hideyoshi swims and carries an unconscious and groaning Nobunaga to the shore. The air stings, cold, as I exit the waters just before them. Nobunaga is writhing a screaming when they exit the waters. Hideyoshi's face looks as frightened as I feel as we hurriedly wrap Nobunaga and ourselves up, instructing our scout to give us one of his layers as well in an attempt to keep Nobunaga warm. All I want is for him to be warm again and stay that way.

As we ride back to the inn near the hot springs my heart is simultaneously excited and crushed by the screaming and crying coming from Nobunaga as Hideyoshi holds him close on the back of the horse, hushing and trying to get Nobunaga to relax to no avail. I manage to barely keep up with the breakneck pace that Hideyoshi urges his horse on. "Do not hold back for me." I yell from his side, breaking my own heart a bit. "I can catch up if you can go faster." He nods as he urges the horse to speed up and soon all I can watch as the wails continues to spill from my first husband is Hideyoshi's slightly hunched back and the back of both of their heads as Nobunaga rests it on my second husband's shoulder.

When I arrive at the hot springs Hideyoshi has already dismounted and has Nobunaga cradled in his arms, shaking and crying with grit teeth against the other's chest. I've never seen him this— this pitiful.

Hideyoshi isn't slowing down for me as he enters the inn but his barking orders at the staff isn't difficult to follow, even when it wakes the baby nearby.

"Food. Bring food to the hot spring. I don't care that it's against your policies! I will compensate three times for the trouble! Just do it! Please!" He sounds panicked.

When I find him by the water of the hot spring he is trying to set Nobunaga on his feet only to find him unable to hold his own weight. Hideyoshi sounds terrified. "He's cold as death Rina. Help me get him into the water."

Hideyoshi holds him up while I remove the layers we had managed to get on him by the water, all the while he keeps groaning and recoiling at our touch. For a brief moment Hideyoshi and I make eye contact, and we find terrified hope in each other's glance.

It is him. His face, even while distorted in pain and agony, is his face. I would know this face anywhere after the months I spent painting it. His body is weakened, he has lost most of his mass since the last time we saw him. The scar from his brother and all of his other scars are still with him though. It is him.

I quickly remove my clothes and enter the water. As Hideyoshi carefully lowers Nobunaga into the water and into my arms he hisses and trembles in pain. He shivers and quakes in my arms as I wait for Hideyoshi to abruptly get into the water, shaking and moving us, evoking a load groan from Nobunaga. Hideyoshi settles on the other side of Nobunaga and whispers solemnly. "I'm sorry my love. I'll be more careful." There was a promise in his words.

Nobunaga continues shaking and whimpering in the water for what feels like an hour. When we try to feed him his mouth stays clenched shut, even when we ask gently, it's as if he can't really hear us through his pain.

After awhile of Hideyoshi and I remaining as still as we can as we support Nobunaga in the water he finally stops his writhing and is breathing somewhat steadier, a few shutters escape him every few breaths though. I speak quietly, careful to not disturb his rest. "He still feels so cold... and if we move at all he winces..."

Hideyoshi's eyes haven't left Nobunaga's face since we entered the water and neither have mine. Even as he responds with equal caution his eyes don't move. "He's warming up. I can tell. Since the ride back he feels slightly warmer and now that he isn't writhing and squirming so much the warmth from the water and from us should seep in..."

I bite my lips before speaking, apprehensive. "Should we summon Ieyasu?"

Hideyoshi thinks for awhile. "No. Not yet. If he shows no improvement by tomorrow evening I will call for him. I don't know how to explain this to anyone though…" His words ring in my mind all night. How will we explain his return?

Silence. Other that the sounds of Nobunaga's labored breath, there are no other sounds for me as we wait for his slight frame to warm and ease. When he does finally warm the sun is beginning to rise and he is in a deep enough sleep for us to bring him to the futon, wrapped in blankets and sandwiched between us.

"He needs to eat." Hideyoshi whispers as he plays with a strand of dark hair.

"Let him rest." I whisper back as I stare at their faces, side by side, the way it should be.

Hideyoshi carefully sits up when there is a knock on the door for breakfast. He quietly pads to the door, wrapped in a blanket. When he returns with the tray of food he asks if I'd like to nurse the baby this morning and I do.

I carefully feed our child beside his father for the first time and as I watch them breath beside each other tears relentlessly spill from my eyes. Hideyoshi comes behind me and kisses the top of my head before looking down at the Oda men beside us. His voice is timid in my ear. "It's real... right? This is real?"

I stroke Nobuyoshi's head as I speak clearly. "Yes. This is real, it must be, because it still hurts..."

"I know... I though if we ever got him back all I would feel is overjoyed..."

I look to the side to see him in my peripherals with a soft smile. "But we are terrified of what this means and all of the other consequences of our greed..."

He nods. "Mm"

Suddenly Nobunaga begins to stir beside me and his mouth relaxes enough to open. Little whimpers escape him as he moves his face back and forth and closer to me.

Hideyoshi begins shaking as he stifles some laughter. "I think he is looking for sustenance— pfft—"

I look over my shoulder with a half humored glare. "You're not suggesting that he suckle at my breast are you?"

His laughter subsides and he lifts a shoulder. "Why not. He refused the food we offered him earlier… Maybe we should start with something that doesn't involve chewing…" He sounds sincere.

I sigh. "You're obsession with my milk is becoming ridiculous." I mumble.

He leans over. "Are you saying you won't give your healing nectar to this man that you love who just came back from the dead and is in so much pain?" One of his eyebrows lift as a challenge as I sigh again.

I huff my first word."Fine… When Nobuyoshi is finished…" I glance over at Nobunaga who does indeed look like a newborn rutting around.

Hideyoshi happily takes the baby and pats his back while watching me scoot closer to Nobunaga. The closer I get the more he whimpers and searches.

Part of me wishes that I did not find any pleasure when his lips met my nipple with an eager latch. I did though, enough to let out a lewd moan before speaking breathlessly. "Hah— please take the baby away." I lean my head back to plead with Hideyoshi who does as I ask.

The shift in the futon when Hideyoshi gets up with the baby causes me to lean back more, and Nobunaga arms suddenly grips my ribs as he sucks harder. "AH! Nobu! Gentle!" He grunts into my breasts as he presses his face into the cushioned source of nutrients.

The feeling of his hands on the back of my ribs as he pulls me close spreads heat throughout my body, heat I thought I would never feel again. As much as this is warming me up, as much as I am enjoying his grip on me, I can tell that this is nothing but fulfilling his need to eat and nothing else, and my heart aches a little. How far gone is he if he must feed like a youngling?

Hideyoshi returned and seeing my slight embarrassment he simply left a kiss on my forehead before sitting at the table with his back to us and ate.

When Nobunaga released my sore nipple I sigh in relief. As he pressed and nuzzled his way to the other side he moaned and whisper escaped him before he latched on with a ferocious appetite. "Rina—" And I sobbed as he suckled the other breast. I heard him, clear as a bell, I heard him whisper my name and like a thief he stole my doubts and replaced them all with hope that I clung to as my hands ran through is soft dark hair for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, and perhaps for him it has been.

When he is finishes he sleeps, a small amount of drool and milk escape the corner of his mouth, the same way his child falls asleep when he nurses. He still embraces me, his arms holding me close as he nestles close to my chest, ear pressed there to listen to my steady heart while I stroke his hair.

Hideyoshi comes over with some rice and meat in a small dish. "You should eat… especially now that you are feeding two." He looks concerned as he brings the first bite to me.

"Why do you look like that? It was your idea for me to feed him." My eyes are trained on him and his shift from me to Nobunaga.

"I don't know what I was expecting… Certainly not that he would take to it so eagerly…" He bites his lip as he thinks.

"He just needs time now Hide…" My eye lift back to Nobunaga. "He is back from a very long journey." I lean in to kiss Nobunaga's forehead, expecting a grimace, instead he smiles. "See. He has already come so far in such a short amount of time, able to be touched without crying out." I turn back to see Hideyoshi with the ghost of a smile on his lips and the worry beginning to fade from his golden eyes.