Landos Back?- 20

It's been about 3 weeks since I heard anything from Skye. Last time we talked he had work and I was headed back to New York for the indigenous art tour. It only happened once a year. This years event just happen to be located at the g-heim and being in middle of New York City was always a nice empty out to my anger.

It wasn't a good departure.

I didn't plan on staying for long. It wasn't my intention to show up back home for an event and stay permanently. After he asked to stay I couldn't lie to him. As much as I thought I could, I meant to move and so my own thing at my own will. I can't stay in one place anymore. Connections hurt to much. I don't enjoy meeting people who don't stick. The ones that do keep me from being myself. Imprisonment or freedom is the ultimate battle with myself.

Telling Skye I had to leave was almost normal but it hurt more than I wanted it to. I wasn't expecting to have a reason to be in that apt.

Had I expected the scene to end up with Skye and Lando to turn out the way they did I wouldn't have took the time to be a 'Good Person'.

It just blew up in my face!

' I miss Skye so much!' Is all I'm thinking. I did have a good time. He's not my life, I did always imagine myself in a healthy relationship and as much fun as we had, Skye has got his life that he enjoys and I have mine which I enjoy as well.

...

A week after I accepted to take the show in New York I booked my flight and spent the night with Skye being a complete asshole about my leaving. I ripped at my emotions to see him so pissed. I just wanted a solid understanding goodbye from him. Didn't happen. Saying goodbye to everyone else was easy, even my family knew me that leaving wasn't so hard anymore.

My departure had arrived as I walked through the airport I swear I saw someone I remember from high school.. I had to make sure. He was headed to the Starbucks in middle of the transfer area.

I boarded at gate 10, but I had some time. My flight didn't leave for another three hours.

I don't like going home too much. I love seeing the family but the location doesn't suit me anymore.

His face reminded me of high school and my first time meeting Lando.

'I need to be sure,

dont have hard feelings!

remember b!

If you hang on to the past they have that power over you..

move foward on your own!'

Lando was a high school boyfriend.

I met him in class but we became friends the day I decided to smoke at school, we both got in trouble after getting caught with a half smoked bowl and a lighter sitting in the back of the schools 'Ditch stair'. I don't know why we chose such an obvious area to get caught. I think we both were looking for a rebellious reason to make out family mad. A day after getting caught I saw him while on the way home. Lando drove by on his kawasaki dirt bike, he was making a quick Uturn when I waved to him after noticing his bike, it had this kickass middle finger sticker attached to face plate. He grabbed the extra helmets before he stopped and when he got to me he dropped it on my head and just nodded for me to get on. My intention was to apologize for getting us in trouble. No words were said and I was happy to jump on the back of his bike. Sit that close to him? Of course I will. That day he asked for my cell number, well really he just handed me his phone with the create contact window open when we got to the intersection at a red light...i put my number In before the light turned green. He does this thing when we make a hairpin turn where he holds my legs against his while the bike turns. I'm sure it's meant to just be safe but I like it.

The next couple of days we texted each other in the classroom, the rule was we couldn't talk during ISS. We vibed and spent allot of time just being ourselves together sitting across from one another like we use to in grade school. only now we got along. After two weeks of in school suspension we started to spend time together outside of school to. He drove me to my side of town, never to my house. His friend became mine, we would spend lunch in the lobby of the cosmetology department. Eating and joking about the most random things. Impersonating our comedy scene. We spent so much time all together we all ended up ditching together. That turned into dating halfway into the school year. It was such a great freshman year. After getting to know Lando I found out he lived close to my neighborhood and our days turned into him picking me up at the bus stop and dropping me off at the end of my street.

It was near the end of the the third semester. April was always my favorite month and this year the 420 festival was finally gonna be in the plan. it landed on a Saturday so it had to be an event. Me and Lando decided we'd take the whole gang and make a trip of it before the testing month took up all our time.

That weekend we all told our parents we were taking a group trip to Grand Canyon National Park. Our town was small enough for our parents to all know one another. It didn't take much to convince them and let them book the rooms for us. We let them have control obviously. We were only freshmans then, we didn't have a good understanding of adult life, I just wanted Lando to hold my hand at the time. We had three rooms and their were 12 of us. Lando stayed with his boys two rooms over from us. I was with his sister and her friends. Our rooms smelt like a dispensary we needed to have the windows open, I was happy we got the second floor. The festival in the evening had an outdoor pop up club in one of the large parking lots next to the rim. It was one of the coolest sights I had ever seen. That night me and Lando spent hours walking the rim trail smoking talking about the stories our grandmothers tell us to get us to do our chores around the house. As the sun started to go down the orange glare the shined into the canyon had such contrast I had never felt such engulfing beauty from watching the world do what it does every day. I remember watching the colors change and smoking, just before the colors turned purple I felt all smoke from that day hit me. I remember Lando being there looking at me when I turned to hand over the smoke and how I felt the moment he pulled my arm towards him when he kissed me. I was gittery and nervous after that, it stayed that way even after we left for home, the drive home was the most intense. I blushed all over the whole time, he kept smiling at me making it worse, he held my hand. He was the first to make me feel anything special. We spent the week after together as much as we could. Using lunch to make out in the closed dept hall next to the cafeteria. Sitting on the roof smoking after school. We did our home work up there to. Once our class testing started so did us not concentrating on our relationship to.

I would have been fine being invisible and just passing with a's and a high gpa. We didn't talk much we studied together but we stop communicating. Our nerd mentality helped us stay together but also helped break us up.

Lando lived near me and during the summer before sophomore year he left to stay with his grandmother.

It wasn't my intention to be the person to cause so many problems. I called him alot and it didn't go well with his mom and grandmother.

My parents didn't like Lando, either.

He and I clashed in so many ways but it was easy for him to walk away from me.

It wasn't ideal for me to make him be there for me every second was all I thought. His thought of me might be correct.

I didn't liked that we only were each others therapist.

Bitching and venting about our families not liking us. Always a problem about school our responsibility of what we're suppose to be as adults.

I wanted him to be my hero, telling him this and seeing the beginning of his reaction to who we were together wasn't the best memory...

"B! We aren't meant to be friends, what you're doing in my life is causing so many problems. All I do is fight with you. All we do is clean up each other mess because we cause so much distraction in each others life. "

It was hard to take but he was right!

We had a kind of a bad break up. I chose to let it go. I literally brought out the worse in people, especially those who had impulsive intentions.

Lando' and I...we broke up for the dumbest high school reasons but if it were to happen now I think I would do the same thing, and I think he would have to. We loved our families and his grandmother not liking me hurt, but my father was completely against Lando being a boyfriend. I didn't think twice about our choice in the end.

My memory took over while I walking through the halls of the airport trying to figure out if that was Lando or not? I still felt a lot for him.. first love an all that junk.

This guy was Just a little bit taller and mature with a palm that would face drop an mma fighter.

I'm Not ready to face him even though we both decided it was the best choice for both of us.

To assume so much about 'us' just isn't the right way a relationship should start even if you are friends.

I should have listened...

I did learn my pride isn't worth much if I can't use it to look for the positive in life.

Lando was the guy who sat across from me during4th grade, his desk faced mine and it was hard most day in my language arts class to even look up. He was there just being himself but it was a distraction! He looked so cool but I didn't know who he was, how he acted. I didn't even know what I liked about him aside from what my vanity wanted me to see.

I watched him all through 5th grade. 6th grade he was in four of my classes.

My love for softball was because I watched him play baseball, I wanted to go on school trip with him so i joined a sport that would let me do that.

In 7th grade we all played the same weekend tournaments and the same school on the same days. We all traveled together. That's when i learned Lando had started dating.

I was an outcast, I didn't fit in to the normal cliche cliques in school, I was far off his radar.

The school had trips and he and his girlfriend were always together. It was the first time I actually felt like I was going through all my classes alone. I didn't have friends, I didn't much fit in anywhere.

That's when softball became my friend. Since I couldn't do anything good I turn to a sport that I could let out some aggression. I ran a lot and made sure I hit the weight room three times a week. I worked my legs so I could at least be a good athlete that has one body part that could hold stamina. When I hit 8th grade I had been an outfield player because my arm was strong to throw the ball from far center to the pitchers mound. I enjoyed running. My parents were always at home and my leaving the house was hard so running was my excuse. Softball became the one thing the helped me get through my awkward phase as teenager.

I watched Lando date a hot girl and spent those years working hard to be invisible. Just before 8th graded promotion my teachers came up to me during lunch and asked if I could be apart of the student to team give announcements and speeches during the graduation ceremony. I jumped on it. I figure I haven't been seen, this will be my hello/goodbye to the school and students who I hoped I never see again. When I agreed I glanced to the face looking towards my from my right side and I saw Lando. His eyes looked surprised and he volunteered to be apart of the group. All the team had to do was write there speeches and show up after school for and hr to rehearse. In my mind I imagined that he did that so he and I could have time to spend together. A girls imagination always gets the best of her.

That week I spent an hr everyday after school planning where to seat myself so I could sit near or hopefully next to Lando.

He only sat next to me twice. He smelt good. I took in how his hands looked, I watched how he wrote, his handwriting was like a normals guys very genuine. I took in the moments, just to admire him as a fan was all I did.

On the day of promotion the set up of everything was changed, it started to rain that day graduation went from being the football field to the auditorium. We all had our word written but now we had to pull out improv that day to get through the ceremony. We no longer stood up together as we were suppose to, Lando stood next to me in the lineup we were suppose to make, thanks to the rain it didn't happen. We were called up individually and had to walk the uncomfortable catwalk isle between the crowd of classmates family members.

It was a simple departure. Nothing happened and it was disappointing. So being a freshman with Lando was the high point.

After high school and no boyfriends,being solo was okay. My family had their own ideas about my life and I had my own motivation to be myself. How we stayed together so long must have been work for me without knowing it I think I made myself the distant daughter- the sister that's always away. And most of all the single one that doesn't want to be apart of the family company.