Chapter 16

July was one of the most peaceful months of the war. Since the capture of the city of Sebastopol on the third day, nothing more interesting had happened that could take over the conversations inside Ai.

Deep down, it was a relief. Ryo couldn't take any more hearing about Hitler, Hirohito, and Roosevelt. His only refreshment was Shiromiya. Even when they were silent, he felt peace. Even when the body reacted in a transformative way, it comforted itself in the presence of the other. Besides, all his days and nights were based on strange visions of things that, little by little, he felt, was taking away his sanity.

"I'm thinking of expanding the business," a voice brought him out of lethargy.

He looked to the side. A neighbor of his, Miura Oto, equally wealthy and a merchant - in the naval business - sipped sake. They had n't made an appointment, they just happened to meet that night at Ai. They had seen each other before, Ryo had bought his new boats from the Oto factory and, when they saw each other inside the hall, they decided to sit together to catch up.

" In what way? " Ryo got interested.

" You know I don't have a son, don't you? Just a girl who is now fourteen. A beautiful young woman, who will soon be ready to get married. I want to join her with an audacious young man with good business acumen."

The hint was clear. Ryo seemed to think for a while. The truth is that he had given up the search for the woman of his dreams. He knew, somehow, that she was just a reflection of Shiromiya. It, therefore, confused love and friendship. He thought he loved her, but now he understood that his feelings were just brotherly, after all, he would never feel anything more for a man.

" Maybe we can talk about it in a couple of years " Ryo smiled. " What do you think?"

"I think it is the best choice a father can wish for," Oto nodded.

The conversation was interrupted by the melodious sound of an old love song. Shortly after, the lights went out, and silence reigned. Ryo thought about how Aiko managed to maintain the same magical aura of Shiromiya's show without losing the surprise. Even when he danced the same choreography repeated nights, still, his passionate audience stared at the stage, and sighed for the same scene, without caring for anything else.

Shiro appeared. Ryo watched carefully his gentle hands waving in the air, making a quick and harmonious movement with the wind. The usual steps in line with the thump of the drum. It was perfect, as always.

" Good night, Ryo-san " a female voice hit him.

He turned his face and faced a handsome prostitute. She was not a resident of Ai, but she had been working there for a long time. He remembered his name vaguely.

" Mieko?" He asked, still in doubt.

"Mika," she corrected, laughing. "Don't worry, are similar names, so it's easy to confuse," she said quietly.

Then she sat down beside Ryo languidly. Her beautiful, soft hands slid over the man's thigh, who seemed uncomfortable with such an act.

��� Did you reserve your night for another of the girls, Ryo-san? " Mika asked, still smiling.

Ryo looked back at the stage. Even then, his gaze met Kazue's. He felt a hint of sadness in his eyes and shivered.

It had to end. His proximity to the brat was taking away his sexual sense and probably confusing Shiro's already shaky personality. They needed to sever that bond before things got worse and worse.

" Want company? " she insisted in the face of silence.

The song ended. Shiro did not bow as usual. He stood on the stage. Some looked at each other in surprise, but soon everything returned to normal when the lights went out. When the stage lit up again, there was no one else. Only then did the men seem to understand that everything went on as usual, and clapped their hands.

However, Ryo did not feel the same way. Nothing was the same.

" Yes, let's go to the bedroom. "

It was customary at Ai to take advantage of women not only as an object for sex but also as a company while they talked. Ryo knew that, but he was not patient for either Oto or the beautiful girl.

Waving at the man, he stood up. The girl did not object and accompanied him.

Seconds later, they were in the corridor on their way to the rooms. Ryo seemed to be floating as if his soul was miles away. Deep down, he didn't act on your own accord, he just wanted to save your identity, the person was. Entangling herself with Mika in a bed was only part of it.

Mika stopped, staring at him. He realized that they had arrived at the door of one of the bedrooms. He stared at the wood, willing to go on, even though his mind ordered him to run away.

Was sick. Of course. It was the only explanation of why he hadn't had sex with a woman in so long. And yet, he felt no disposition.

"Let's go in? " She smiled, opening the door.

However, he did not move. Behind her shoulders, he noticed Shiromiya hiding, watching him. He hadn't taken off his geisha outfit yet, but Ryo knew he wasn't in the character. The look of Aiko's secret geisha was bold and petulant, seeming to prove to everyone who admired her. But the look that, then, was directed at he, denoted pain and hurt.

Why?

There were no promises between them, not even a stronger relationship. They were just friends, that's all. And even friendship had restrictions.

" Ryo-san? " Mika insisted when she noticed him blink.

Ryo looked away from Shiro and entered the room without looking back.

***

Compared to the other nights of the week, this one was being quite pleasant. The temperature had given a respite, and a light breeze was now shaking Saito Jiro's hair.

The sergeant greeted one of the men at the gate. Then he went in and observed the environment. There were small streetlights scattered throughout the garden and, in the distance, pleasant music played, being the background of male conversations and laughter.

Ai belonged at night.

He smiled, willing to have fun. He had promised himself to ignore the rest of the world. May the war, the Empire, and the Axis all go to the devil! He just wanted to drink and be distracted. If he were lucky and maybe even talk a little with Aiko Mamoru, with whom sympathized the instant him saw.

His plans, however, were interrupted even before he continued walking. The look noticed, hidden in the garden, a figure with slumped shoulders and a sad appearance. He recognized Shiromiya immediately, despite the dress; after all, nothing in the world would make him forget those defeated eyes. He was divided on going to the salon or going to him, checking if the boy was okay.

Finally, he walked over to the boy. He sat down next to him and smiled. Then he noticed that his face was washed with tears. He sympathized.

" Why are you dressed like that? " Asked, raising the subject.

Shiro, realizing that he was not alone, wiped his face with his hands. Then he smiled, in such a clear staging, that Jiro preferred to pretend he believed in that smile rather than scolding him for being restrained in front of him.

"I dance, Sergeant Jiro," he explained. ��� I perform every night as a geisha. Please don't tell anyone, as they all believe that I am a woman."

Saito contained a hysterical laugh when he realized that the boy and Aiko managed to deceive practically the entire male wing of Tokyo. However, deep down, he understood, after all, Shiro was quite feminine and delicate. In a different light, he would easily pass for a short, young woman.

"I won't tell you your secret, Shiro," he said. " But, Sad Eyes, tell me: why are you crying?"

For a few seconds, Shiromiya looked panicked. Then, at the understanding in the sergeant's eyes, he shrugged.

" I don't even know the reasons."

" I know you do. And talking about them can soothe your soul."

Shiro bit his bottom lip. It felt like forever until he opened his mouth again. And even though he was willing to speak, Jiro still noticed a certain fear of how his words would be received.

" I have a friend..."

" Yes?"

" He went to the room with one of the girls ..."

Shiro didn't explain anything else, he didn't have to. Saito understood immediately. He realized then that he could see himself at Shiromiya's age, waiting for Oguri. The first love was always remarkable.

" Does he know how you feel?"

" No of course not. "

" And why not?"

" I don't understand how I feel myself."

Silence.

Jiro thought about getting up and leaving him at the mercy of his thoughts, but Shiromiya's voice came back, so sincere that it shivered.

" When I was a child, I used to go to a neighbor's house to watch her family. By having a father, the neighbor's children ate better and had more rights on the farm. My mother, poor thing, could no longer plant and endure the difficult life of the countryside, so our food was scarce ..."

Jiro knew that country life was not easy. His parents also lived on what they planted.

" When this neighbor saw me, he kicked me out with a broom. He was irritated to see me there, salivating, and he called me trash and disgusting. I understand because no one wants a hungry brat watching his family snack ..."

He cleared his throat before proceeding.

" After my mother died, my brother and I went to try our luck on the streets. " He was speechless in the face of sad memories. " I have slept with so many men that you would never believe. There were so many that I don't even remember the names or the faces."

Jiro nodded, uncomfortable. He didn't like to know what children were going through that, but he knew it was a reality on the streets, not only in Tokyo but in the whole world.

"In a way, I'm still the same poor boy looking at unattainable food," he stammered. " So even if Ryo-san felt the same way I do, why would he give me a chance? He belongs to an important family, has a lot of money. He even has a car, "he said, amazed. " And I? I have some changes stored in a box. I have no home, no family, "he continues. " Nor purity. I am someone who can not even accompany you on the street, in danger of some man who bought me intercept and embarrass me."

It was a fact. Saito would like to be able to say words of comfort, but he could not deceive that boy as he had been deceived in the past. He wish your life had been different. He did not regret having loved Oguri, but he blamed himself for the foolishness in believing that he was reciprocated. Because of that he joined a disgusting army, went through all kinds of mental torture, and now he was a lonely and unbelieving man.

More than that, he was bitter.

"Life is not a fairy tale, Shiro," he murmured. " Especially for people like us."

" Like us?"

" Guys who like other guys."

Shiromiya was awed for a few moments. Never had until then thought about his sexual condition. Sex was something that caused him excessive disgust. Even with women, he never felt any desire. However, there was something different about Ryo. Not that he wanted to sleep with the trader - never! - but there was a comfort in his heart before the figure that the other represented.

He recognized the feeling, even though it was different from anything Shiro had ever felt before. When did it start? Why did it start? Perhaps he would never find the answers. But at that moment, on that quiet night with Jiro, he realized that his longings did not represent the friendship he so fervently believed.

"I know that life is not like books," he said. " I know that life is pain and suffering. In some moments, we are happy and rejoice, but in general, it is just unhappiness. Even so, I think it was worth it to like Ryo-san, because, even for a short time, I was very happy."

Jiro nodded, stroking the other's face.

"That's right," he agreed. " Always look on the bright side. I am sure that one day someone will appear who will love him. It is natural, you are charming."

Kazue smiled, this time his eyes lit up a little. Saito knew he was lying. Even so as beautiful and sweet as Shiro was, he had an impregnable stain on his existence. Few men would accept that. But, But, he hoped with all his might that Shiro would be happy.

" You are very kind, officer " Shiro smiled.

Laughing, Jiro brought him into his arms to exchange a hug.

However, it didn't involve him, as a powerful, male voice came to his back, causing them both to rise.

" What the hell are you doing?"

Saito looked at the man. He was handsome, of medium height, black hair harmoniously cut in the latest fashion, expensive and well-aligned clothes, and an appearance that showed wealth and possessions.

But it was the dark look that made Jiro realize that it was that young man the person of that Shiromiya had spoken to.

" We were ... " Shiro started but was interrupted by Ryo.

" As far as I know, Aiko does not allow you to walk around Ai wearing these clothes. Go to your room now! " he said.

He was furious, and Saito wondered if it was just a matter of time before they would grapple on the ground.

" I just..."

" Go to your room! " Ryo shouted. " And you?" looked to Jiro. " Don't you know the rules of Ai? Nobody talks to Shiro! Nobody!"

"You don't have to unsettle," Saito poked. " I'm a friend of Shin Sakamoto and I already know Kazue. I'm sure Mamoru doesn't mind ..."

" Who asked you anything? " Ryo reacted.

Contrary to what Jiro imagined, he did not go after him. Facing Shiro, he took him tightly in the arm and pulled him.

" Come on, I'll take you to your room."

" But I..."

" I told you I don't want to know! " Ryo had lost control. " Be satisfied that I don't go to Aiko and tell you everything."

" Everything that? " Saito provoked.

" That's not your problem! " the other replied.

Obediently, Shiromiya accompanied Ryo, but not before apologizing to Jiro. Saito understood the merchant's feelings as soon as he saw the youngest bow before the sergeant. So, wasn't that Ryo that insensitive to the little boy's emotions? It was a pleasant surprise, and Saito realized that it had been a long time since he had been happy for someone else.

***

When the door closed, Ryo faced the young prostitute.

Mika it was a beautiful sight, especially since she had more voluptuous forms than the other girls at Ai. Ryo liked that, he liked meat and full breasts, ...

Suddenly Shiromiya's sad look came to mind, interrupting his dedicated attempt at arousal. Why the hell did he look at him like Ryo had betrayed him? He would never understand what was going on in that head!

" Do you want to lie down?

Mika's voice made him face the woman. The woman opened her kimono, exposing her body. Once again, Ryo thought that any natural man would react to such perfection, but it was another face that his mind sought.

" How much do you earn per night?" He asked.

" What?"

" How many customers do you serve in a night?"

"Usually three," she replied, sincerely. "But if you are generous, I can just be with you," got it wrong.

Ryo pulled out his wallet and withdrew from it an amount that paid at least five generous customers.

" Please don't go back to the salon. I don't want anyone to know that I ... " took a deep breath. " I haven't been feeling very well for the last few days.

Ryo's manhood, health, or lust couldn't matter less to Mika. If he was tremendously helpless or if he was castrated, it was fine with her. Grabbing the notes, she bowed, servile.

Therefore, Ryo left the bedroom a few minutes after entering. He walked through the corridors of Ai, looking forward to filling his face with sake or smoking a cigarette. Unfortunately, if he returned to the salon, his reputation would be damaged.

Then, with no way out, he headed for the garden. Who knows, if he was lucky, Aiko or Shin would appear, and he could talk about all his anxieties. However, all of his plans went to ruin when he noticed Shiromiya sitting on a bench next to a handsome man.

They weren't doing anything much, but Ryo cared. Something exploded in his core, and he ran to the spot. He had time to prevent a hug and, almost, he did not move against the face without shame of the stranger.

Who was? He vaguely understood that he was talking about Aiko or Shin. Friends, maybe. However, that didn't matter either. That bastard dared to touch Shiromiya. Worse, Kazue had allowed intimacy.

Grabbing the smallest by the arm, he led him into the bedroom. He did not feel his own body, only anger moved him. He practically threw Shiro into the rooms and slammed the door. If Ryo had a key, he would lock it there.

Then headed for the hall. Where was Mamoru? Where?

***

" I'm telling you! " Ryo shouted. " He grabbed Shiromiya, I saw it!"

Aiko raised both hands to her face.

" Shiro shouted?"

" Not."

" Did Shiro look angry?"

Ryo snorted.

" And does it matter?"

Aiko's voice was pasty. Raising a glass of sake, he faced Ryo.

"Jiro is more decent than you," he poured out. " If Jiro wants Shiro, and Shiro accepts him, he will have my full approval. Sergeant Saito is not a spoiled and wealthy bastard like you and that bastard Shin, "he whimpered.

Ryo understood immediately. Aiko and Shin fought again. In fact, in recent years they looked more like cats and mice, screaming and raging against each other. What was the point of so many recriminations if, after the screams, they went to sleep again in the same bed, hand in hand?

" Do you know this sergeant? What if he is a thug? I thought you loved Shiromiya like a brother."

" I Love. The question is: what about you? Love how?"

Ryo gasped. He got up from his chair, ready for a hand-to-hand fight with Aiko. How dare he insinuate such an affront? However, he realized that it was the drink that spoke. Mamoru was completely drunk. In all those years, it was the first time that he saw Aiko in that state.

" Did something happen?"

"I don't want to talk about it," the other returned. " If you want, sit down again and drink with me."

Ryo even thought about sitting down, but the sound of boots made him turn towards the door. They were not in the lounge but the tea room. So he thought Shin was coming, but it was Sergeant Jiro who came along.

"Ah, the cheap Lothario appeared, " he teased. " Shiro is not here, and you will not seduce him with your words ..."

"What are you talking about? " Saito interrupted him. " I don't know what you believe you saw, but Shiromiya and I became friends."

" It's true, Ryo " Aiko intervened. " Even because Sergeant Jiro prefers older men, like Shin."

The voice came out tearful, and in seconds the rest of Mamoru followed the reaction. Sinking his face into his hands, he wept until he sobbed. Without the courage to put up with that fussiness, Ryo stepped firmly, blaspheming against all the gods already known on earth. Ryo left the room. Jiro, however, approached.

" Are you alright?" He asked, sitting down next to Aiko.

Aiko looked at him. Jiro held his breath. Even with a wet nose and eyes, even flushed with crying, even drunk and out of control, it was still a unique, magnificent sight.

"He refused me," Aiko said. "After so many years ... I confessed. " stammered. " And ... he refused me."

Shin Sakamoto must have been the biggest motherfucker on Earth.

"You shouldn't cry about it," Jiro advised.

Mamoru took Saito's hands.

" You're right! I'm a virgin, and I saved myself for him, "he said, exasperated. " I'm the biggest idiot ever born."

Jiro denied it.

" It's just romantic."

Aiko laughed, ironic.

" A romanticism that only brings me pain. " He looked at Saito seriously. " I bet you didn't need much to sleep with Shin, did you?

"There is no feeling between Shin and me," Jiro warned. " So things are simpler. It is different between you. He wants to preserve it."

" To hell his "preservation". Who here wants to be preserved? " He asked. " I want to be loved! I want to know what it is like to be kissed with passion, what it is like to be surprised by kind and loving words. I want someone to love me on a rainy night and then sleep cuddled and listen to the sound of the other person's heart beating against my ears. This is what I want!"

Jiro was impressed. Since Oguri, there had been many men. He liked sex, but he didn't deliver the heart . Especially because he knew that the vast majority of homosexuals who existed in the army were only looking for the same thing: distraction and pleasure. Relationship and commitment have not been part of your life for a long time.

However, before him was someone who had so much to offer, and no one to accept. How could Shin waste a single day of his life away from so much charm? Aiko was smart, kind, human, and beautiful. It was sweet, but not foolish. It was like a rose in a field full of weeds. And yet, he was there, ready to love and be loved, to give himself with a sincere heart to give himself entirely, without reservation.

He barely noticed when he linked his mouth to that moist and generous one. Mamoru was surprised at first, but he did not back down, a result, perhaps, of the drink. The courtier's taste was just like him: sweet and addictive. Jiro entered his tongue, while his hands encircled his back, pulling him closer to him, trying to hold him with all his strength, trying to make it clear, through that caress, that everything that Aiko could and could not find could be.

He heard a brief groan and lit up. Now, it was obvious that everything that Mamoru repressed for years was there, eager to break free.

" I'm crazy about you ... " he confessed, as soon as they opened their mouths.

The phrase was not an attempt at seduction. On the contrary, it represented Jiro's true feelings, admitting to himself for the first time that something different came up for the other, as soon as he saw him in that same tea room. The next day, when he saw him with Shin, he became restless and ran away. But he would no longer run. Shin refused what he wanted, he would not be difficult to take that preciousness to himself.

However, the other looked shocked. Aiko almost ran away and went to the door.

" For much less, Shin ..."

" Shin? Do you think I'm afraid of Sakamoto? For you, I send Shin away."

Aiko was amazed.

"I love Shin," he said. "I do," he repeated. " And nothing will change that!"

" Are you trying to convince me or are you trying to convince yourself? " returned. " You seemed quite interested in my arms."

Aiko blushed.

" Abused! " scolded. " I drank, and I'm depressed. You took advantage ..."

" When I take advantage of you, Aiko " Jiro interrupted, getting up " will beg me to repeat the gesture until the end of our lives."

" Fool!"

Saito fell silent for a few seconds. He didn't want Aiko's repudiation, on the contrary. So he thought better of it before he spoke.

"I'm sorry if I offended you," he asked. "I think I'm in love with you," he said suddenly."

" You do not even know me..."

" You're wrong. I spent months listening to your name, I know that you loves animals, I know that you created Minikui with love, that you considers an old prostitute as his mother, who is adored by the girls who work here. I know you love green, that you love iced tea and strawberry cake. I know you don't like to read, but that you ran away many times to listen to poetry in soirées. I know so much about you, Aiko ... Maybe you don't know me, but I've been fascinated by you for a long time and, now more than ever, I want to sink into the sea you represent. I will not give up on you, get ready to be loved by me."

After the unexpected statement, Saito referred and left the room. His figure disappeared into the night, but he seemed fixed on Aiko, who was fully aware of the truth of those words.