5

5. Discomfort

The next week passed by and before one could notice it was already December. Classes got more difficult but nevertheless, I had no problems with keeping up. On the contrary, I got bored sometimes. My favorite class was potions even if I hated the way Severus treated his students. I took every chance I got to bring him on edge. After nearly every lesson I had earned a detention and a loss of house points for Gryffindor. Some Gryffindor's didn't want to speak with me anymore because they thought I would do it on purpose, well maybe they were right.

It was Friday, the last day before the weekend in December. Snow had started falling and transformed Hogwarts into a beautiful and fantastic place. The class was busy trying to get the hiccoughing solution right whilst the head of Slytherin slide from one table to the next, giving rude remarks from time to time. I had put my book on the ground to have more space for ingredients.

"Is there a reason why you aren't using your book Jackson?" I heard him saying in his bored voice. "If not I suggest you put it back on the table because I don't want to have a second Finnigan in here who blows up my classroom." I could hear some snickering; turning to the source I looked at the Slytherins with Draco in the middle. "I need the space for my ingredients, Sir. I can't work with disorder on the table." I told him whilst turning my attention back to the potion. I didn't mean to be rude but as always he wouldn't accept it as an answer. "I ordered you to put your book back on the table. Don't dare to talk back and now do what I ordered!" He sounded slightly angry and impatient.

Great, now he's pissed already. Well git, you're not the only one who can be annoying. I swear if you weren't my teacher I would throw that potion at you! My sanity tried to control myself but the anger was stronger. "Fine, Sir." I answered looking him in the eyes. I expected him to continue his walk but he just stood there, stared and watched every move as I put the book on the empty space near the angle. Not caring about him I turned to my potion again. I had a slight grin on my lips, wondering what would come next. If he was being a dick then I would behave the same way. "Jackson!" He said angrily, still with his quiet voice. "You're getting on my nerves. Open your book or you will have to-"

"Serve detention with you." I finished his sentence not looking at him. Of the corners of my eyes I could see Hermione sending me warning glares. I didn't care. I was already to angry and to amused to let it go. Whilst I stirred the potion with my left hand I opened the book but didn't cast a look at it.

I could sense when he passed by not looking at me again. "It's a pity Jackson, your remark costs Gryffindor five points." Not sounding pitying at all. "Whatever" I said to myself. I had underestimated the distance so I was surprised when he turned slowly in my direction again. "Do you want to make it fifty points?" I looked him straight in the eyes, provoking him with a slight grin on my lips. "Whatever." Suddenly, there was movement in his body. He walked directly to my table, based his hands in a swift move on the table. Now he was so close that I could see his eyes getting darker of anger. "This is the second times you dare to talk back insolent girl. You think you can speak to me like that?! Well, let me tell you something, you just earned yourself detention for tonight and the weekend. I have had enough of your arrogant attitude."

I didn't allow myself to show any sign of emotions. I waited for him to continue his rant, staring at him whilst the tension was getting more and more perceptible in the classroom. While I continued looking him in the eyes I remembered some moments I had at his house. I managed to block them out but the emotions overwhelmed me and I got angrier than I had ever allowed myself. Never before had I remembered moments of my past out of anger and his presence. My whole body shook with anger. I clenched my fists in attempt to hold myself together as long as possible. I could feel that I would say all the things I had hold back if I would lose control. I closed my eyes but had to open them again when Severus started speaking. He hadn't moved an inch except that he had taken his hands of the table and that he was looking around the room. "I suggest you control yourself and make the fire disappear, Jackson." I look to the left and saw several flames on the walls. The students watched them with fear and interest. Some were looking at me, surprised that I was the reason for the fire. Others were looking rather gloomy in my direction. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I really wanted to make them disappear but I couldn't calm myself down. I had to open my eyes when I felt tears starting to fall down. I saw only a black figure in front of me. I looked in his face. "Go to hell!" I said quietly and with controlled voice. My body kept shaking and I could feel my nails cutting in my clenched fists. I need to leave! I was losing it, I felt it. I grabbed my bag and my book as quickly as possible and turned in direction of the open door. Before I could reach it however, it moved and closed with the noise of a canon. Startled I sprung back and turned around. I could see clear again, Severus stood there with the wand in his hand and a lethal look on his face.

"You'll go to the headmaster with me right now and fifty points from Gryffindor. I've had enough of your behavior. May someone else teach you, I don't need you in my class!" He was rigid and I was sure if he had been standing right in front of me he would have slapped me. I could hear the other Gryffindors grumble but I wasn't in a state to care about anything. I felt my last part of control slipping away. "I don't care about what you do or what you say. Give me as much detentions as you want, I don't care. And I speak with you like I think you deserve it. I respect only those who deserve it." Severus lowered his wand and stared at me, attempted to interrupt me but I couldn't stop. "I don't know what makes you think that you are normal, no other teacher is like you. You are cruel and evil. I hate you! I hate you and your damn kin of death eaters. Dumbledore must have been insane to let a death eater teach his students. But then again he's never been right in his mind, hasn't he?"

While I was speaking Severus expression had changed from anger to his emotionless mask but I could see that he had difficulties to maintain it. "You disgust me. You think I'm arrogant, well look at yourself before speaking. I understand why there's no evolution of Slytherins in this school. How should a Gryffindor find friends in Slytherin if the house teacher is already representing the perfect evil Slytherin. You and all these Slytherins make me sick! I thought I could forget about my father in Hogwarts but you are making it impossible death eater. I hate you so damn much!" I was so angry I couldn't see anything or anyone else than Severus standing there, showing no emotions. The tension was at its maximum. If looks could kill he would have been dead already. My eyes started prickling, I would start crying. I turned to leave, grabbed my bag, opened the door and stormed out of the classroom.

Stumbling I run down to the black lake. The trees, the forest and the lake were blurred. I went into a hidden spot where no-one would find me. Breaking down crying I embraced my knees. My whole body shook with each wave of new tears. I tilted over, hands covering my wet face. I didn't know how long I stayed in this position. Sometime, all the tears were dried. I looked up and saw that the sun had wandered; it had to be in the afternoon now. Numbly, I walked the few steps to the water and knelt down. The cold splash brought me back to my senses. I could think clearly again. The anger, pain and sorrow were gone. Thoughtfully, I sat down. I thought about what I had said in the classroom. It was true, no Slytherin seemed to change and those who wanted to couldn't without putting themselves into danger. Draco belonged to one of the most known Slytherin families. He was a member of the Malfoy family even if he didn't want to be like the rest. If his father or his mother or any Slytherin knew about his connection with me he would be in great danger if my father returned. And Tom Riddle would return one day, I could feel that the war hadn't ended. Time would come when it would start all over again and this time it would be more dangerous and crucial. I can't continue befriending Draco. Maybe he would manage to keep it a secret from his mates and his family but once he stands in front of my father he would read Draco's face immediately. He would use Draco to get me; he would surely take advantage of him. I have to end it with Draco, for his sake! I thought about it but couldn't find any other solution. I was sure if I had any tears left I would cry more. Thinking about Draco and the reunion had saved my years at the orphanage. And now that I had met him again I would end it with him. I had to do it. I needed to protect him!

At sunset I made my way to the dungeons. I hadn't eaten since breakfast so while my stomach was grumbling in protest my mind was focused on the task. From now on I would ignore Draco or say some rude remarks. And I would start the task by training with Severus. I would serve my detention in silence without letting him getting on my nerves. I would just ignore him.

I knocked on the door and entered without caring about the door banging against the wall. He didn't even look up from his paper work. "On the table are ingredients that need to be arranged in alphabetical order on the shelves. You will serve detention until you have finished the task. If I see one bit of magic, you will serve detention next weekend too."

Like usual he sounded bored while he looked at me with his piercing look. I didn't show any sign of annoyance or anger. Slightly surprised, showed by his raised eyebrow, he watched me walking toward the ingredients. I started with my task without saying anything.

"It seems like detention at weekend is finally getting on your nerves. Otherwise you wouldn't be so quiet." I was interrupted by his voice. I ignored him like I had planned on doing. "Decided to ignore me, have you. We'll see how long it lasts." I could hear his smirk but continued arranging ingredients.

At midnight, I had just started with the letter "L", he interrupted me again. We had both worked in silence and I had caught myself several times relaxing into the stress-free time. "It's midnight now, you may leave. Come back tomorrow at seven pm."

I made my way to the door but before I closed it I said: "If I'm not being insulted or shouted at without a reason I am not saying anything. We'll see how long it lasts until you start arguing again!"

Like he had done I grinned slightly. I allowed him to see a gentle smile for a split second before I finally shut the door. My smile vanished as soon as I started my way back to the dorm. I would get out of Draco's way for the weekend and continue practicing in detention. On Monday I would start my task with Draco. I had to do it.