35

35. Emotions

The Champion's election took place after the Hallowe'en feast. Many students of age had put their names into the goblet of fire. The tension and excitement in the Great Hall was almost touchable as we all gathered for the election. Every student was waiting eagerly that Dumbledore finished eating who seemed to take more time than necessary…

"Oh, come on, hurry up!" Harry groaned and exchanged an annoyed look with Ron.

"Did Derek put his name in the goblet?" Hermione asked staring at the Durmstrangs who were sitting together this evening.

Absentminded, I nodded. Once again, holding my forearm as it pulsated strongly. Bloody arm! "Yes, he did."

My gaze was fixed on Professor Moody who hadn't touched his food. Instead, his cold gaze was wandering around the great hall, the magical eye whirling around. Suddenly, his look rested on the goblet of fire and his lips turned into a very ugly grin. I furrowed my eyebrows, watching him closely. I didn't like his smile… he looked to self-satisfied and smug.

A cold wave rushed down my spine as our gazed met. Moody's face became emotionless and I returned his gaze with a glare. My arm itched unpleasantly. I didn't know why but I didn't like this man…

All the sudden, he broke the gaze, looking at Severus who seemed to have asked him something. I wasn't sure but I thought Severus glanced shortly in my direction.

"Well, the Goblet seems ready to make its decision!" Dumbledore exclaimed cheerfully and the great hall fell silent at once. He had dimmed the lights and the Goblet's fire burned brightly in a strong green. The next moment, a red tongue of flames shot into the air and a small piece of parchment flew out of it.

"The Durmstrang champion is Viktor Krum." Cheers erupted and a grim looking Viktor made his way towards Dumbledore. Then another parchment was spilled out by the flames.

"The champion for Beauxbatons is Fleur Delacour." There were less cheers and more admirable looks now. Almost every boy watched her as she walked smiling brightly to her headmistress. Hermione and I exchanged annoyed looks then the Goblet drew our attention again as it started to shoot sparks.

"The Hogwarts champion is Cedric Diggory." Every single Hufflepuff jumped up screaming as their champion made his way to the staff. Smiling slightly, I glanced towards the Slytherin table. Draco and Blaise were both cheering loudly. Obviously, they shared my opinion that Diggory would be a challenge for the other two. My gaze wandered to the Durmstrang who were sitting right next to Draco and his bunch of people. I couldn't prevent myself from grinning as I saw Derek watching Cedric closely with a sort of admirable look on his face. A small smile played around his lips and I smirked. Like Fleur and Viktor before, Cedric disappeared through the small door.

"Excellent! Well, we have now our three champions who-" Dumbledore stopped mid-sentence and fell silent. The Goblet started shooting sparks for the fourth time and another red tongue of flames shot a piece of parchment into the air. The silence in the great hall was penetrating. Everybody knew something was wrong…

Dumbledore stared at the parchment for a long time. Then suddenly, his look turned dark and he raised his head. Never before had I seen him that cold or angry. His gaze wandered to the Gryffindor table. "Harry Potter."

My heart seemed to skip a beat. Confused, I turned towards my best friend who looked as if someone had struck him. Everybody in the great hall looked in our direction… looked at Harry.

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore roared louder making me flinch.

This cannot be! This isn't right! My mind screamed at me whilst Harry made his way slowly towards Dumbledore. I looked up at the teacher's table but Severus sat there frozen, his gaze following Harry. Before Harry left through the small door I noticed Ron shooting him a dark look. Anger and pain was written all over his face.

Dumbledore interrupted the teachers in their discussions. He left with Ludo Bagman, Professor McGonagall, Severus and Moody, following the champions. Madame Maxime and Karkaroff followed on the heels. A sudden wave of pain rushed from my arm to my chest and reflexively I held it tightly to my chest. I winced and closed my eyes as another wave erupted. My whole arm was pulsating now and I tried to hide it by gripping my robes tightly. Very slowly, the throbbing finally diminished until I felt nothing except for a numb feeling.

Almost every student was talking now, some more friendly, others rather hateful. Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick ended the feast with a short word, asking everybody to go back to their common rooms. Numbly and deep in thoughts, I followed Ron and Hermione.

Harry hadn't put his name in it, that was for sure. But who did it then? Why would somebody want Harry in the tournament?

Tom Riddle. The thought popped up and another cold wave rushed through my body. No student would have been able to fool Dumbledore's age line so it wasn't meant as a joke. People had died in those tournaments. There was a reason why the ministry had decided to forbid it for students under seventeen. Surely a teacher could easily get through the line and fool the cup but nobody had any reason to.

No teacher of Hogwarts would do this… They would never allow one student getting harmed on purpose… And Karkaroff and Maxime… another Hogwarts champion means more chances for Hogwarts to win. They wouldn't do it even if Karkaroff had been a Death eater once.

I shook my head as we reached the common room. In comparison to the other houses, the Gryffindors seemed happy that one of them had made it into the tournament.

At least they won't give Harry a hard time. Sighting loudly, I let myself plop down on the armchair in front of the fire place. Worried, my gaze drifted into the flames, my thoughts still turning around the election.

As Harry entered after a while he was greeted happily by Fred and George. I shot him a reassuring smile and he returned it weakly. Annoyed, I put my head in my hands. I wasn't in the mood for celebrating. This wasn't something to celebrate, this was serious. Aggressively, I made my way through the crowd of Gryffindors and went to bed.

The next days were hard for Harry. Everybody, except the Gryffindor's, hated him and showed him the cold shoulder. Ron was angry because he thought Harry had betrayed him. Hermione and I did our best to make them talk to each other but it didn't work.

One afternoon, Harry and I made our way down to the Dungeons. Hermione had decided to go with Ron and as we arrived she was already there. The cold between the boys annoyed us but they were both acting stubbornly childish.

Draco was leaning against the wall with Blaise and the rest of the Slytherins. The smirks on their faces alarmed me but I didn't need to ask. They wore badges to support Cedric Diggory.

"Like them, Potter?" Draco grinned smugly and crossed his arms. I raised my eyebrows and returned a cold look as he let his gaze wander from Harry to Hermione – who tried to calm him down – and finally stopped on me.

"Very funny, really." Hermione spat emotionless and I sighted annoyed.

Grinning brightly, Draco held out a badge to Hermione. "Want one, Granger?"

Why did he do this? Exhaling deeply, I crossed my arms as well and turned my eyes. Blaise watched me amused, staying silent. Then he leaned to Draco and whispered something, suddenly smirking.

"Hey, Jackson!" Draco turned his head to look at me, provocative ignoring my glare that was supposed to make him shut his mouth. But Draco being himself wasn't impressed. In fact, his grin only grew bigger. "How do you feel with your best friend being Hogwarts champion? Does this make him more interesting?" His expression turned into one of faked care. "Would you like to have a date with him? I'm sure he'd love it."

Blaise started snickering and Draco joined, still watching me. The other Slytherins were doubling over with laughter. With a quick move my brother threw something in my direction and I caught it out of reflex. It was the badge.

"Or maybe you prefer Diggory. In my opinion he's far better looking and older is always better, isn't it?"

A cold wave of surprise rushed down my spine and my head shot up the same second Draco had finished his sentence. He and Blaise were roaring with laughter now. They knew how to push me. I wasn't angry, nevertheless, I wanted to make them shut up.

"He wouldn't go out with you, however. You're way to ugly." Parkinson said grinning darkly and her friends started giggling. Before I could reply that she was the ugliest girl I had ever seen in my life Hermione squeezed my shoulder.

"Just ignore them, Arya. They just want to provoke you. They're not worth a detention!" The warning undertone in her voice was enough for me to hold back my remark. Sometimes, she would still remind me not to go back to the times when I had provoked Severus whenever I had the chance too. She believed I would do it with every Slytherin I disliked.

To my surprise Draco smirked at Parkinson who seemed to enjoy his attention. It didn't last long however. "Oh, he would. Jackson's far from ugly."

For the first time in Hogwarts, everybody seemed speechless because of Draco. Never before had he made a compliment to someone who wasn't a Slytherin. They all stared at him in confusion – except Parkinson. She had a look of strong hurt on her face and I couldn't hold back a satisfied grin.

"Come on. You must have noticed how boys look at her." Draco smirked and the Slytherin boys grinned ugly, eyeing me up and down. My grin vanished as rapidly as it had appeared.

"I guess she could get every male teacher in this school if she wanted to so why should she stuck with a student?" Blaise spoke up, casting me a provocative sneer. His expression told me that this was his comeback for when I had messed with him during Transfiguration lesson. I clenched my hands into fists, trying to control the anger that started to rise.

Draco and the rest of the Slytherins were laughing again. Again, I was cut off as I wanted to say something. Draco stepped forward so that we stood face to face. The smirk on his face was more than annoying. He pointed on the badge in my hands.

"If you want I can work on that badge so that it shows whoever-you-want-to-go-out-with's name."

Suddenly, I exploded with anger. With a swift move of my hand and a little use of magic I made him fly back and pinned him against the wall. Student's around us screamed but I ignored them. I didn't understand why it scarred them that much.

Draco didn't stop grinning to my annoyance as he looked down on me. "Something wrong, Jackson?"

I saw the satisfaction in his eyes and all the anger vanished. We were staring into each other's eyes deeply. Draco didn't move as he continued grinning at me with way too much self-satisfaction. At first, I glared at him darkly but as his grin grew wider I had difficulties not starting laughing. We both knew he and Blaise had won this round.

"If you want to keep him pinned on the wall that's fine by me. But if you're done I could introduce you to... Who can I introduce you to you'd like?" Blaise faked to be thinking hard and I shot him a warning look. I knew who he was about to suggest.

"Oh, yes. I know." He smirked and exchanged a look with Draco who chuckled. "How about I introduce you to Professor Moody?"

Now, I couldn't hold back my laughter. I was surprised he hadn't said Severus but obviously, he didn't dare it. Good for him…

Amused, I looked at him. "Really? That's the best you can come up? How disappointing, Zabini. But you know what? I'm bored. I think I'm done with you and Malfoy."

I turned my attention back to Draco, ready to release him but Blaise interrupted me. The smug grin on his face said it all.

"Oh no. I have someone else. How about I introduce you to our Potions' teacher? Would you like to go out with-"

It all happened at once. Suddenly, spells were flying around and everybody screamed. Somebody pulled me to the ground. As I looked up again it was almost quiet. Blaise stood next to me, staring at my friends. I followed his gaze and saw Harry fuming with anger, wand in his hands. Ron stood next to Hermione who whimpered.

I stood up and whirled around. Parkinson let her wand slip back into her pocket, grinning smugly. Her spell had hit Hermione and Harry's had hit Goyle. Angrily, I looked from Parkinson to Blaise who shrugged his shoulders.

"What is going on here?" I froze as Severus moved swiftly through the small crowd. With a cold expression on his face his gaze wandered quickly from Harry to Hermione and then to the Slytherins. As he saw Draco still pinned against the wall the corner of his mouth twitched. I had difficulties not to smirk at my brother as I saw Severus' expression.

A cold wave rushed through my whole body, however, as Severus turned to me in less than a second. I had been mistaken. He wasn't amused, not at all…

"Release him!" The anger in his demanding voice made me flinch. His face was contorted with anger as he stared at me with a very dangerous sparkle in his eyes.

I felt everybody's gaze on me as I turned towards Draco. With a small gesture of my hand I released him from my magic and he landed graceful on his feet again. Slowly I looked back at Severus, my head lowered. My hands were shaking of shame and fear. I was afraid what Severus would think of me now. After all I had used magic in front of everybody. I wasn't supposed to expose myself to any student…

"Goyle and Granger, go to the hospital wing. Potter, Weasley, Jackson detention today." With that he entered the classroom and everybody followed in silence. Some were whispering and looking at me but I didn't care right now.

I felt as if I was on the edge of passing out. My legs felt jittery and my whole body was shaking as I followed my friends. If Severus looked at me again with such anger I didn't know if I could stop myself from start crying.

Severus didn't look at me once during the lesson but I didn't know if this was good or bad. I knew I couldn't bare another angry look but he ignoring me completely made my heart aching on the other hand. It was horrible…

When the bell rang, everybody hurried out of the room as quickly as possible. Severus' anger hadn't diminished the slightest, in fact he had acted worse than ever to almost every student. And it was all because of me.

So, when the bell rang I literally fled out of the classroom, my eyes watering up. I felt cold and so ashamed. I knew I shouldn't have used my magic but it was too late now. I had done a huge mistake and Severus wouldn't forgive me that easily this time.

Sobbing and with a blurred vision I ran. My friends called after me but I ignored them. I didn't know where I was going until I found myself down by the lake. My whole body shook with sobs. Tightly, I put my arms around my legs and cried.

"Arya!" I flinched as Derek walked noisily in my direction. "I heard what happened." Slowly, he sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder comfortingly.

"Draco and Blaise want me to tell you that they're sorry for pushing you. They wanted to skip class to see you but I told them I would look out for you."

With my sleeves, I did my best to dry my face. I didn't want him to see me like this. "It's not their fault. It's mine." My voice broke as I remembered Severus look. Desperately, I looked up at Derek. "Severus is furious… I broke his trust and made every single protection become useless. I destroyed everything he did for me…"

My hands started shaking again and Derek sighted tiredly. "It was supposed to happen one day anyway. He couldn't have hidden your magic forever. You both know that."

With a small smiled he looked out at the lake. He was right but it didn't change the fact that Severus was nevertheless very angry.

As I watched Derek thoughtfully I noticed the dark circles under his eyes. His cheeks were sunken, not much but enough for me to notice. I furrowed my eyebrows as I took a closer look at him. He looked very tired and troubled.

Gently, I gave him a light push with my elbow and he turned his head to look at me. "What's wrong?"

Derek sighted and rubbed his face. "Don't worry. I just didn't get much sleep the last days." He tried a reassuring smile but it was more of a grimace and I raised my eyebrows.

"You look horrible, Derek." A cold wave rushed through my body as he shrugged my comment off. Normally, he would have laughed or at least smiled. A long silence followed in which I stared at him stubbornly.

Derek leaned back on his hands and his gaze turned dark. "I'm worried."

"About what? Did something happen?" To my surprise he laughed coldly in response. "Is this about Cedric Diggory?"

His expression became grim. "Why do you think that?"

"Oh please, Derek. I see how you're looking at him." A small smile played around my lips but Derek wasn't smiling.

"I wasn't worried until your friend Harry got elected for the tournament. I have complete faith in Cedric that he can do this. But now Harry Potter is in the tournament too. That has to mean something."

"Please. You cannot blame Harry for what happened. He didn't want to be in the tournament." I replied a little too harsh. Derek sighted loudly.

"I know. It's just after everything what happened to you and your friends it's obvious he's your father's target. And that puts everybody around him in danger. And Cedric…" Derek shifted around nervously and I couldn't suppress a grin. "Well, for the first time I really like a boy even if I don't know him… I mean… Could you please stop grinning?!"

Annoyed he glared in my direction but I only started laughing.

"Sorry, it's not funny, I know. But I think it's cute how you're already worrying about him so much. No means to offend you." Apologetic I raised my hands in a defensive manner what he shook off with a smile on his lips.

"I've seen you when the Beauxbatons arrived. Two of them were staring at that teacher you like so much and even if you were sitting with your back to me I could see your anger." Now it was my turn to glare in his direction.

"Shut up." I mumbled making him laugh. To my surprise Derek jumped on his feet and hold out a hand for me.

"However, I guess it's almost time for dinner. The last class has ended a few minutes ago." Quizzical, I watched him with raised eyebrows. Derek sighted again.

"I promised Draco and Blaise to meet up with them. With you." He emphasized the last part.

"And if I don't want to?" Suddenly feeling annoyed, I refused to look at him.

"Then they'll meet us here." I could literally hear his grin so now it was my turn to sight. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up, smiling wildly.

"Everything is going to be alright, trust me!" And with that he put an arm on my shoulder making it impossible for me to leave him.

With each step back to the castle I felt heavier. The guilt started to come back and I only saw Severus in front of my eyes.

"Arya, there you are! Your detention starts in ten minutes." Hermione exclaimed worried as we entered the entrance hall.

In a second I had shaken off Derek's arm and felt even worse than before. With a firm grip on my arms he turned me in his direction and watched me with an intense look. I couldn't look at him however, I only saw Severus angrier than ever before. My body shook with fear and worry. Severus is never going to forgive me…

"Arya, look at me!" Never had I heard Derek so serious or worried. Slowly, I raised my head. "You can do this. Everything is going to be alright."

My eyes started watering up and I blinked several times to prevent them from falling. Nervously, I shook my head. "No, Derek. Nothing is going to be okay… I cannot… I can't do this!"

"You can and you will! Now hurry or you'll be late." And with that he pushed me in direction of the Dungeons. Slowly and like in trance I made my way down the stairs.

Before I turned around the corner I heard Hermione's voice. "What happened Derek?"

So many times the way to his classroom had felt so long but now it was way too short. When I arrived, the door was open and I could see Harry and Ron already inside waiting. For the second time today I felt like I was on the edge of passing out.

"Ms. Jackson, you finally decided to show up…" A cold shiver run down my spine as I heard Severus' voice.

Okay, Arya. You can do this. Don't look at him and get over with it. In front of Harry and Ron he cannot do anything. I told myself but I couldn't fool myself. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax.

I chose a seat behind Harry and Ron who were sitting as far away from each other as possible in this room. Ron was obviously still jealous and angry. For one second my thoughts drifted off to what Hermione would say to this.

"Seeing as my supply of pickled rat brains is almost empty you'll be making new one's during this detention. You have everything you need. If I hear one word you'll all stay longer." With a smirk that didn't reach his eyes Severus stared at us provocative.

Well, he looked at Ron and Harry and acted as if I wasn't in the room. Gulping and disgusted I started my work. If I only saw the rat brains it made me almost vomit.

During the whole detention, I looked up from time to time but Severus was stubbornly correcting his papers, not glancing in our direction once. I knew he wanted to show me how angry he was but I hated this. It was unfair.

When we were close to working for two hours, I felt inwardly so desperate and my hands were shaking very badly. I made a short break and lifted my gaze. Severus was still correcting papers with his typical emotionless expression, the feather tightly in his hand. While I had wanted nothing more than leave when I had entered the classroom, I wanted nothing more than speaking with Severus. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, that I hated this…

"You may leave now!" I flinched at the coldness in his voice. Harry and Ron sighted in relieve and left the room as quickly as possible. I hadn't moved, however.

My eyes started watering up as Severus continued ignoring me. He wasn't fair!

"Severus…" I pleaded quietly. He took his time to put down his feather and raised his head in my direction without saying a word.

Annoyed, I sighted. He wouldn't make it easy. Slowly, I stepped forward, my bag tightly in my hands. I was so nervous that I didn't know where to look.

"I'm sorry for what I did! I promise it won't happen again." The knuckles of my hands turned white as I tightened my grip even more. Severus remained rigid for a while.

Suddenly, he laughed shortly and I stepped back in surprise. He stood up and walked around his desk. The black cloak rustled as he came to an abrupt halt in front of me. Sternly, he crossed his arms and all the sudden I wasn't so sure anymore if this was a good idea.

"You are sorry for what happened?!" Severus spat aggressively slow. Goose bumps appeared on my whole body at his voice. "You don't know what you've done, Aryanna."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked in his dark eyes that seemed so distant and harmed. "I know I shouldn't have done it, Severus. It was a mistake-"

"Oh yes, it was. You decided to throw everything away I did for your safety. Do you even know what I did for you? I kept you hidden so that no Death Eater would know about you or lay a hand on you. I made it possible that you could come to Hogwarts without every Slytherin knowing who you really are!"

I needed all my strength to keep myself from crying but I didn't want to cry anymore. I wanted Severus to see that I wasn't a child, that I could deal with hard words. I wanted him to see me on his level and not as his student.

"I'm sorry." My voice broke and I couldn't say anything anymore. I watched him pleadingly but he didn't give in. The cold expression on his face remained.

"I don't want to see you right now, I want you to leave." With that he turned around and walked back to his desk. He placed his hands on it and lowered his head.

My heart shattered into pieces as his words sunk in. Horrified, I stared at him. I didn't notice as my bag slipped out of my numb hands. "Severus please…" I said in a whisper.

Severus groaned but I could only see his back. "Why did you do it?"

"I… I don't know. I was annoyed and angry… Draco said some things… He made fun of- somebody I care about." Nervously, I bit my lip. I had almost said that he had made fun of Severus. I wished I could tell him the truth but of course I couldn't. I never would…

Severus raised his head a little at this. "Oh Aryanna… You cannot attack everyone who makes fun of your fairy-love."

"I never said- "

"Enough!" Severus made me flinch as he suddenly roared. In a split second, he had turned around, watching me angrily. His jaw was clenched and his hands had turned into fists. "I've had enough of you! I'm trying to protect you and your fairy-love but obviously, you don't want my help. I raised you, I gave you everything you wanted, nevertheless, I'm not trustworthy enough! I loved you every day since I know you! I did everything for you and you still play games with me…"

Severus sighted and rubbed his face tiredly. I felt a cold wave running down my spine as I tried to understand his words. He didn't love me anymore?

"I want you to leave my classroom, Arya. I don't want you to come back until you decide to tell me the truth…"

I don't know how but somehow, I managed to leave. I felt so cold and alone like never before…