36

36. I love you… (Part 1)

Since that disastrous day, I felt lonely and horrible. Severus and I weren't speaking, on the contrary he didn't look at me anymore and it was killing me. During Potions lesson I worked in silence not even listening to Draco's attempts to cheer me up with provocations.

The first task of the tournament had taken place one month ago, and in 6 weeks would be the Yule ball. Harry and Ron were desperately looking for dates but at the same time they acted like shy dunderheads.

"Come on, wake up sleepyhead!" Hermione woke me up one morning. Outside it was snowing and I would have loved staying in bed but not today.

"You said we'd go to Hogsmeade together to buy our dresses." Grinning she grabbed my blanket and threw it away. I glared at her but she only put her hands on her hips. "You won't guess what happened…"

"Ron asked you for the Yule ball?" Her happiness vanished for a few seconds and I immediately regretted asking. She and Ron were a subtle topic…

"Well, no. But Neville asked Ginny out."

In a split second, I was standing up feeling completely irritated and sad at the same time. "What?" I got dressed while Hermione explained me the situation.

After breakfast, the three of us made our way to Hogsmeade. Ginny was beaming and talking to Hermione about what dress she would like to have. Hermione and I had agreed on buying her dress as Christmas present.

"Keep up or do you want all the dresses to be sold out?" Hermione linked my arm with hers. I had been lost in thought… again about Severus. Of course, Hermione had noticed my change of mood since that day. I kind of told her the truth: it had to do with my fairy-love.

"I told you, I don't think I'm going to the ball. I mean I have no date and I don't want to go with one of those idiots. By the way there's nobody I want to go with." I groaned but Hermione didn't let me say more. Glaring and feeling frustrated, I scratched my arm absentminded.

"Nonsense! Somebody you like will ask you and you'll say yes. Therefore, you'll need a dress." Determined she and Ginny dragged me into a dress store.

After two hours, the three of us finally found our dresses. It had been a while since I last had so much fun doing something. I didn't think about Severus once which I found odd when we made our way to the three broomsticks. After all, I would have to see him during the whole evening of the ball if I really was going.

The evening of the Yule ball couldn't come quick enough to most students. Everybody who had gotten himself a date was happy and excited. It was a week before the Yule ball when I was in the great hall with Hermione, Ron, Harry, Fred and George. We were supposed to do our homework but the boys were talking about who they were going to the ball with. To my annoyance, Severus was walking up and down between the tables to make sure everybody stayed silent. Every time he passed us I couldn't prevent myself from staring at him. I missed him so much! My heart speeded up when he passed behind me and I bit my lip to keep myself from turning around. My heart ached to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him that he was my fairy-love, that I loved him more than anyone in this world. Sighting, I turned my attention back to my friends. Ron was talking with Fred about his date. Meanwhile, Severus had approached behind my friends and was reading a parchment. As he heard Ron talking he smacked him and Harry on their head. I quickly lowered my head to hide my snicker and glanced at Ron provocative, raising my eyebrows.

"You should maybe not speak now." I whispered ironically and Fred grinned in my direction whilst Ron glared. Then he turned back to Hermione.

"So, would you like to come with one of us?"

I smirked to myself as I thought about the conversation I'd had with her when she came back from the library the other day. Viktor Krum had asked her out.

"Well, believe it or not but somebody asked me." Angrily, Hermione stood up and handed her homework to Severus. He didn't even watch her as he snatched it out of her hands. Whilst grabbing her book from the table, she whispered in Ron's direction: "And I said yes." With that she left, leaving Ron and Harry behind exchanging surprised looks.

They started whispering and I tried to concentrate on my essay. The same minute I got disturbed by Severus who pushed their heads down forcefully. As quick as my good mood had come it vanished. I stared at him but he continued ignoring me. My eyes watered up as a strong wave of helplessness washed over my body. I wanted to get up and scream that I was sorry for everything. I wanted him to forgive me, to know how lost I felt without him…

"Hey Arya." I flinched as Derek's voice appeared next to me. Quickly, I rubbed my eyes but he noticed anyway. He watched from me to Severus who was still standing behind Ron and Harry.

To my surprise, he was watching in our direction. Severus' eyes were cold and emotionless as he stared at Derek who returned an angry glare. Provocative, Derek ignored the teacher's silent warning and turned back to me.

"You okay? We can leave if you want." I shook my head and forced a smile. I needed to get my mind of Severus!

"No, it's fine. Why did you come by the way?" At that Derek grinned and glanced quickly in Severus' direction. He hadn't moved an inch.

"Do you already have a date for the ball?"

"Euh… no…" I managed to stutter. Honestly, I had rejected every boy who had dared to ask me. The thought about not going at all was still playing in my head.

"Well, I thought we could go together maybe, as best friends. Seeing as none of us can go with whom we'd really like to… What do you think?" Derek was smirking now but not at me. He and Severus were staring daggers at each other but Derek didn't look impressed.

I was irritated by his behaviour. I didn't get it. "Yes. I'd love to."

"Great. So, we'll meet in the entrance hall in one week." And with that he smiled at me and turned around. And again, he looked provocative in Severus' direction who followed Derek with his eyes.

Suddenly, our eyes locked and I drunk in the relieve I felt as Severus looked at me for the first time in a long time. He didn't show any emotion but it was enough for me that he was looking at me. Even this look was more than enough to give me goose bumps all over my body. It was over, however, in less than a second. Severus turned around as well and left in direction of the teacher's table. The black cloak bellowed behind him.

What did just happen? I couldn't prevent myself from staring at his retreating figure hoping that this was the first step of him forgiving me.

The said Saturday evening before Christmas Hermione and I prepared ourselves for the yule ball. We were both very excited and nervous at the same time. I was worried a little about Ron's reaction if he saw Hermione with Viktor, a Durmstrang. He already hadn't liked the idea me going with Derek. He believed Durmstrang was supposed to be our enemy. Until now I had managed to keep it from Hermione. I didn't want to upset her and really hoped Ron wouldn't ruin the evening with his jealousy. Hermione deserved to be happy.

"You ready?" I asked Hermione who just came out of the bathroom, looking more than gorgeous. She smiled confidently.

"Yes, and you? You look awesome by the way." I returned the smile and the compliment.

We made our way down to the entrance hall. Before we turned around the last corner we stopped and exchanged short looks. "We can do this." It was supposed to be a reassuring sentence but even I could feel that it wasn't convincing. Hermione took my hand and squeezed it lightly while I stared at the wall biting my lip nervously.

"I know what you're thinking, Arya. Me and Ron, it's something that will come around eventually. You and your fairy-love, however, it's way bigger. Nevertheless, you can go down there and show him what a beautiful and incredible person you are. This evening is for the both of us! Today we don't care about our boys, don't we?!"

I chuckled. "No, we don't! This is our evening." I inhaled and exhaled deeply, then nodded in her direction.

Together we walked around the corner and down the few stairs. Heads turned in our direction and I could hear whispering.

This is my evening! With this thought I straightened even more and ignored the looks and whistling. I looked for Derek and found him next to Viktor Krum, waiting for us. They were talking and laughing. As Viktor's gaze fell on Hermione he immediately fell silent. Derek on the other hand grinned his so well-known widest grin possible.

"Wow, you look gorgeous Arya." Derek said smiling as I linked my Arm with his. I smirked in his direction.

"Hermione told me that this is our evening and I think she's right. This is my evening!" He laughed at this and I joined in.

He lowered his head to my ear and whispered: "Draco's jealous by the way. He wanted nothing more than being able to ask you out for the Yule ball, to spend some time with his beloved sister but I'm glad he couldn't. Does that make me a bad person now?"

When I looked in his face I noticed that he was smirking in Draco's and Blaise' direction who were both smirking back. I raised my eyebrows as I noticed Pansy Parkinson clinging to Draco's arm. I had difficulties hiding my amusement about Draco's helpless situation. Maybe we could get a minute later when most people were gone.

As I entered the Great Hall at Derek's side my eyes automatically searched everywhere for the dark-haired Potions master. As it happens, I spotted him standing next to Dumbledore. They couldn't have looked more different. Dumbledore was smiling and wearing a bright blue dress robe whilst Severus wore his usual black cloak and a very emotionless expression. His eyes wandered absentminded over the crowd of students until he had found me. As he laid eyes on me he straightened up and literally stared at me. His intense gaze gave me goose bumps all over my body and butterflies started to erupt in my stomach. I felt my cheeks heating up and quickly looked away. Luckily, Derek nor anyone else had noticed.

The ball started with the Champions dancing. Harry had asked out one of the Partil twins, they looked good together but I could see Harry glancing at Cho Chang now and then. Derek next to me was staring at Cedric Diggory, his eyes never left him. I could see the desire and love on his face and sighted. My gaze wandered through the hall and landed on Draco and Blaise. Draco was looking from Cedric to Derek whilst I noticed Blaise staring at his crush Cho Chang. I smiled at my brother who turned his eyes in my direction. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

We all love people we can never have. Derek loves Cedric. Blaise loves Cho... And I love my professor…

Sighting, I shook my head to get my mind of Severus. It seemed that I wasn't able to think clearly anymore. My mind was drifting off more than ever. Nothing was more frustrating than thinking about Severus, his voice that made me shiver, his embrace that made me feel warm and safe.

Suddenly, I found my gaze locked with dark mysterious eyes. Now and then our gaze was broken by the Champions dancing but we never stopped looking at each other… Severus and I still hadn't talked about what had happened. On the contrary, the one look he had given me in the great hall had been the only one. I had the feeling that he had even tried to ignore me more…

I broke the gaze as the song ended and the new one started. More students started dancing and I turned towards Derek. I took his hand in mine and smiled as he looked down on me.

"Do you want to dance?" The sad look on his face vanished and was replaced by a grin. He took my hand and kissed it. I couldn't prevent myself from chuckling at his embarrassing act.

"May I ask for this dance?" I played along and linked our arms laughing.

The dancing was so much fun. I had learned dancing when I had lived with the Malfoy's. I loved it! The only things that mattered were the music and Derek. We danced, laughed and joked around for several hours. Now and then I spotted Severus staring at me but every time I forced myself to ignore him. This was my evening after all! I shouldn't be thinking about me dancing with him or even kissing him.

"I need something to drink!" Derek stated out of breath as a rapid song ended. I was out of breath too but laughing at the same time.

"This was so much fun! We should do this for ourselves sometimes. Only the four of us."

Laughing, Derek led me to the bar and ordered two drinks. I felt so carefree and light with all this dancing. I had totally forgotten about my dreams, my father and Severus. I was brought back to earth, however, as I noticed Severus standing on the other side of the hall watching in our direction. I wasn't sure but I think he was frowning and maybe even glaring. Honestly, we needed to get things sorted out. I missed him so much!

"Well, well. Isn't that my brother!"

I jumped as I heard Blaise' voice from behind me. Quickly, I glanced around and noticed Ron and Harry sitting at a table and staring into the crowd of students.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I whispered horrified as I checked the people around us for any listeners. If somebody saw me talking with Blaise and Draco we would get problems.

Draco being himself didn't seem to care. He smirked and to my annoyance Derek and Blaise did too. "Well, Derek's our friend and we'll tell people we were drunk so don't worry."

And with that my brother put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in his direction. I raised my eyebrows angrily and pushed his arm away.

"Fine, I'm in but no touching. That's to much to explain, Draco."

"Whatever." He turned his eyes ironically and I started laughing. Draco grinned at my reaction. Playfully, I punched him in the ribs making him laugh too. Now it was Blaise' turn to turn his eyes.

"Seriously, you two need to spend more time together." Blaise stated whilst handing us our drinks.

"Hey, Derek. Have you spotted Cedric somewhere?" Draco and Blaise started laughing at Derek who was staring in another direction. In a second he was watching us again with a very dark expression.

"No." His lips turned into a smirk. "I just wondered what you were going to tell your date when she comes here…"

Draco's laugh died in a short moment and he whirled around horrified. As he realized that Derek had made a joke he raised one hand in a threatening manner but wasn't successful in hiding his good mood.

"Idiot." Derek returned his grin with a raised eyebrow as Blaise and I smirked at my brother.

"He got you there. But you totally deserve it sometimes!" I told my brother smiling and he nodded theatrical.

"Yes, I know. I'm such a bad boy." His smirk made me wanted to punch him again but this time he dodged my elbow laughing. Snickering, I tried to catch him but seeing as he was a boy he was way stronger than I was. Besides, chasing somebody in heels wasn't that easy.

"Hey, you two. Careful or people start looking." Blaise hissed in our direction and Draco let go of me immediately. Worried, he gazed around but luckily the only students who had noticed us were Durmstrang boys. Derek and Blaise were discussing something. Their not so subtle glances in Cedric's direction made me guess what they were talking about.

"So what are we going to do now? I would love to dance but then we'll expose us." I stated a little sad and watched all the dancing students.

Suddenly, I spotted a dark cloak passing on the other side of the Great Hall. Severus was taller than most students so my eyes could follow the black-haired man as he walked very quickly in direction of the door. I frowned as I noticed Igor Karkaroff following him outside. What did he want from Severus?

A light squeeze of my hand made me flinch again. Draco was following my gaze and he gulped absentminded. Then he turned to me smiling reassuringly.

"You two haven't talked yet?"

I started fidgeting with my hands nervously as I tried to hide the strong emotions that had rushed through my whole body a few seconds ago.

"No. I tried but I guess he's still very angry with me. I can't blame him though. I screwed everything up."

Draco faced me properly now and looked me deeply in the eyes.

"He'll forgive you. He loves you, Arya."

Now my good mood had vanished completely. My eyes started watering up and I desperately threw my hands up.

"And when?" My voice cracked and I gulped. "I don't know how long I can stand this, Draco. I-"

A sob escaped my throat and I turned away to hide my few tears. Draco wanted to pull me in a comforting hug but I pushed him away. I let my hand wander in front of my face using magic that dried my tears that had started to fall. Then I turned in his direction, shaking my head excusing.

"I'm sorry, Draco but I'm done for today. I need some air before going to sleep."

To my relief, he nodded. I knew my brother understood me and I loved him for it. Draco's lips turned into a grin and as always, he managed to light me up a little. I chuckled turning in Blaise and Derek's direction who were still watching at Cedric. I approached Derek and put a hand on his arm, making him turn around.

"I want to thank you, Derek. This evening was awesome! It's been a while that I've had that much fun." His face became soft as he took my hand in his.

"I totally loved it too and I'm glad you wanted to be my date." He pulled me into a bone crashing hug, making me snickering and coughing. With his usual wide grin, he let go of me again.

I looked at Blaise who nodded smiling. "See you tomorrow then."

"Good night, Arya." Draco said smiling and I returned it.

Before I left through the door I turned around again, looking for my friends. I spotted Hermione dancing with Viktor, obviously having a good time. I smiled absentminded.

This is our evening!