Chapter 5

The council decided to let me live here and now I'm free to do everything I want. Well, almost everything.

I step out of the converence room and am already on my way to the transporter when I stop.

My feet pull my towards a large window with colorful glassornaments.

I look out of the window...

...and suddenly a bright light blinds me. I didn't see the blast coming so I am surprised and have just enough time to get my arms in front of my face before I get thrown through the whole room. A sharp pain bors into my brain and the wounds of the glass are burning. With the screams of my people around me I loose consciousness...

A little scream escapes my lips and even if it is a quiet one, people turn their heads in my direction. Just now I realise that I've rised my arms to defend my head.

Ashamed I search for the best way to leave. I find the door to a balcony on my right.

I step outside...

...and the sunset lets me forget that just seconds ago I wanted to yell at my military commander. I walk over to the rail. "Wow...", I say breathless and look down on the ocean so deep below me.

"Let me guess. You're not gonna let me rescue my people?"

I turn to the John. His hair is pointing in all directions and I wonder if it's always like this.

"Major, you don't even know if they're alive!"

"You don't leave people in the hands of an enemy! And the fact, that we're having this conversation in private lets me know, that you know damn well that it's wrong. And it will totally underline your leadership. So as the ranking miltary officer-"

"OK. Just shut up and listen to me for a moment, alright? Come on, what we know about the wraith? One thing we do know is that they are the enemy who defeated the ancients. When we first began to use the stargate whith an arouse we got ourselfes into serious trouble, why?"

He starts looking annoyed and angry.

"I don't need a history less-"

"BECAUSE the people in charge didn't consider the roundifications before they reacted."

"They took our people. How am I supposed to react?"

Now I know he is angry.

"And we're defenseless to sense of yourself. How do you know going off at some halfassed rescuemission isn't gonna bring them all back right here at our doorstep?"

"Maybe it will. But it's the right thing to do. Why? Because it is!"

"John-"

"We're gonna do this and I mean right now. Let's just return Teyla and back up. Because they're coming."

"You don't know that."

I feel helpless. I talked America and Russia into peace, but this stubborn man...

"Our people are on the hands of the enemy, Dr. Do you know what that means? It is just a matter of time before the wraith are figiging out that this is the base of our operation."

"I just need more information. I mean, who knows? Maybe we just could go with a peaceful-"

"PEACEFUL?! Are you kidding? We just had a few hours before they showed up."

"Is it possible they came because of you? Who knows one of these people you brought back here tipped them off."

"It's possible."

Ha, I got him there!

"See? That is exactly that kind of snapped decision I'm refusing-"

"They're not all bad people. And as long as we're stick around here we need friends."

Oh god, he seems to be boring his eyes into me...

"Ok, I see your point. Now you see mine. I will not authorize a rescue mission at less I am sure there's at least a remote chance to success. I'm not sending more good people ,including you, to their deaths."

"Ok", he just says and leaves.

I release my breath. I'm still afraid anything could happen to my people. John may think I'm cold, but when he once will have to face such a decision, he will remember me and then he will under stand...

I shake my head. It's starting to hurt. All those flashes are just too much for me.

And everything they show me... An enemy that scares the hell out of me, that I was obviously the leader of those long-dead persons. Friends who are not alive anymore...

I decide to go to the doctor when my head starts to pound.

"Hm", he feels my head and tests my pupils,"How much did you drink today?"

"Not much, but this headache started yesterday and those flashes don't make it better...", I shake my head only to get hit by more pain.

"Here", Dr. Dekker offers me a glass of water and I take it with a thankful look.

"When you talk about flashes...", he starts and the unfinished question lingers a few second in the room.

"I mean flashes of memory. I really liked to not if something like this ever happened before..."

The doctor leaves the room and comes a few seconds later back with a laptop under his arm.

"You can find out", he states and hands me the device.

I rise an eyebrow at him and take it from him. I have to think before I type into the line: People whithout memories.

That is a litlle vaguely, but I hope I will find more when I give the computer a big field for searching.

The first search results are about amnesia and what can cause it.

'You can temporally lose your memory when you have to go trough a physically or mentally trauma. '

That's not what I am searching for. The Doctor said that I am physically perfectly fine and I also don't  think it's the last cause.

I ad somthing in the line: People found naked without memories. They where dead before.

Three results.

A certain Dr. Daniel Jackson got killed and his team, SG-1, found him months later on a planet. Naked and without any memory.

Later, I read, he remembered an ancient who let him descend.

Similar things happened with two women with the names Aurora McKenzie and Erika Lorenz. They disappeared on a mission and where found half a year later in a colony on a planet.

The team needed a while to get them back, but when their memorie came back everything went on easier.

So no trauma?, I ask myself.

"Did you find something?", Dekker asks leaning over my shoulder.

"Yes. Either I have a mentally trauma", I say turning around with an amused smile,"Oooor an ancient decided to give me a second chance."

"You think it's the last, don't you?"

"I don't know. But I will."

I stand up and leave the room. I have to figure out how to remember...