Chapter 36: All That's In Between

Ian hugged Lisa with the arm under her body and asked her to get dressed. She looked up at him in confusion.

'Is he kicking me out?' Lisa thought.

The truth was that Ian wanted her to leave for now, but he was not kicking her out. He planned to send her home, because he wanted a little space and time to think about what happened between them. Ian felt conflicted trying to figure out when Lisa had started lying to him, and why he was so convinced she was lying to him in the first place.

Lisa removed herself from Ian's chest and slowly went to put on her clothing. Ian took a moment to look at the bed and saw no signs of blood, not even a smear of pink. He watched her move, and she did not seem to be in pain. If this was truly her first time, she still had it and he was relieved.

However, everything was so exaggerated and over the top that Ian knew it was not, but he could not confront her about it. He believed that he would have been fine and would have been able to enter her if she had not tried to boost his confidence by pretending. After dressing Ian walked behind Lisa and held her back against his chest. He kissed her ear and asked her how she was feeling. The entire interaction felt wrong, but he was so overcome by guilt, that his felt like he needed to hold her.

Lisa turned to Ian with red eyes, lined with tears and lied to him again! He stroked her hair and realized that she was never really his. If she were, she would not have already given herself away. Ian decided to let it go for the sake of their friendship, and asked Lisa if she wanted to take a walk.

Lisa agreed to Ian, and the two of them set out hand in hand.

During the walk, Lisa did not speak much. She was worried that Ian had noticed what she did earlier. She in no way thought he knew he was not her first because in her mind he had nothing to compare it to and no one to ask. She was confident he would keep their encounter to himself, especially since it was an embarrassing experience for him.

After walking all around Ian's neighborhood, they came across a park and sat on a bench. Ian looked at Lisa for a long time. He wanted to tell her everything and hoped she would come clean as well.

Lisa felt comforted seeing how Ian kept looking at her. There was no trace of hatred or suspicion in his eyes. He just looked at her as if he had something on the tip of his tongue and he just did not know how to say it.

Lisa blushed. She knew that people sometimes had strong emotional responses to sex, and she thought that the usually detached Ian was too overcome with emotion to speak. She did not speak either.

Lisa's heart was telling her that he was on the verge of telling her he loved her. She rested her head on Ian's shoulder and closed her eyes. She was in total bliss. If only it had really been her first time. Then she would not have the slight feelings of guilt.

While she lay on his shoulders, Ian stroked Lisa's hair and apologized to her. She looked into his eyes and without words her face told him that she did not know what he was apologizing for. Ian kissed Lisa's forehead and said the unthinkable.

"Let's back things up and slow down a little."

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Lisa was not sure how much time passed before she stopped crying. She had completely thrown herself and Ian and afterward he wanted to 'back up and slow down?' Why hadn't he said that before she removed her clothing?

While sitting on the bench, Ian told Lisa he wanted to slow their relationship down. He said he was uncomfortable with how they moved from the first date to the first time. They had moved too quickly, and he was not sure he was ready to commit to a relationship. Lisa immediately started to cry after he told her this.

Lisa had never raised her voice with Ian, but tonight she did not hold back.

"Back there, did you really want to be with me, or did you just want to see what I felt like?" She asked. Ian was a little taken aback by her question. It was a little brash and caught him off guard. What was even more troubling is that he did not know the answer to the question.

On one end, his mind was curious. He had already slept with someone, but he had no recollection of it, and he did not remember if he liked it or not. On the other hand, he felt guilty, and did not want to say no to Lisa.

Ian grabbed Lisa's chin and forced her to look at him with her crying eyes. He kissed her forehead before telling her that he had a lot on his mind, and he needed to sort things out. He told her that he wanted to give her his whole self without any interruptions and right now, he was in the middle of trying to regain control over his company. Lisa nodded her head in understanding and she quickly dried her eyes.

When they were both too cold and exhausted to continue cuddling on the bench, Ian personally drove Lisa home. He walked her to the front door and kissed her cheek before she walked inside her family home.

----

Once inside her room, Lisa continued to cry for a while, but she was confused by Ian's actions. She thought he did not suspect her, so what happened? Why had he suddenly changed his mind? Why did he take her on a romantic stroll afterwards and why did he cuddle her at the park? Why had he walked her to the door and kissed her cheek? Did he really want to slow down? She thought about it for a long time but could not seem to figure it out. He was sending her mixed signals.

Lisa heard her phone buzz and glanced over at the device. It was a text from Ian.

[I am sorry if I hurt you tonight. I just want us to be honest with each other.] - Lisa read the text and she felt even more confused. When another text came in.

[You have waited for me for so long, and I will not ask you to wait for me to figure this out. In the future if you are still Willing, I would like you to be my girlfriend, just not right now.] - Lisa's heart sank. She knew that something was wrong tonight, but she did not know what. Just then another text came in.

[You deserve a proper first date and all that comes in between that and marriage.] - This message put a smile on Lisa's face. Could it be that he wanted to slow down because he had not properly given her the things, he felt she deserved?