A Messed Up Life

Drew's POV

"Oh Andrew? Good afternoon!" A nurse in mid-20 with swirling blond locks greeted me when she saw I was holding a bouquet of flowers. "Here again for your daily visit?" She asked, smiling at me gently.

"Yes." I answered. With the empty tray on her hands, I guessed that she must have been from Dianne's room for her timely medicine intake. "Shall I help you carry the tray?" I asked politely.

"Do you have to ask me that everytime you get here?" She rolled her eyes at me and chuckled. "You don't have to, and in case you might ask me again tomorrow then it is still a no."

"Of course I would ask." I grinned and flicked my hair. "It's always my pleasure to help a pretty nurse in any way I can."

She playfully smacked my arms and laughed. "Such a charmer. Anyway I just came from Ms. Dianne's room for her medicine." She stopped laughing and smiled. "She can't wait to see you."

"I'll be on my way then." I bowed and walked past her. "Thank you!"

"No, thank you." I heard her answer as I continued walking along the hallway. I was able to reach room 202 at the end of the hallway. I breathed in deeply before twisting the knob.

The moment I opened the door, the fresh late afternoon scent of dried Oak leaves crashed against me like a tidal wave. It isn't my first time experiencing such occurrence but each time I open this room each day, it feels like a whole new experience all over again.

And then I saw Dianne. Her gaze fixed at the dancing fiery orange Oak leaves outside the windows.

That pained expression of hers I will never be accustomed, greeted me.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Dianne." I bowed. "I got you a new batch of fresh flowers." I smiled.

The nurse had said that she was excited to see me but it seemed at all that she wasn't expecting me to be here just yet. Her shoulders jerked in surprise. She quickly wiped her eyes and looked at me.

She was crying again.

"Good afternoon Drew!" She greeted back, frantically hiding her sadness with a dry chuckle. "I told you to send me a text message before coming here."

"Well I was going to surprise you..." I answered. I closed the door behind me. "Would you like some apples? I'll slice them clean for you." I offered.

"You don't have to do this much you know." She sighed. She once again stared at the Oak trees outside the hospital. Her gaze was so full of pain and longing that seeing her was enough to break my heart.

She was so lonely that I couldn't help but do anything for her.

"This is the least I can do." I answered as I took out the old flowers from the vase and replaced them with the new ones I brought. "So how are you feeling?" I already knew the truth about her illness so asking something like that was completely stupid. I almost smacked myself.

"I'm fine." She looked at me and smiled a sheepish smile. "How about you? How's school?"

Without even thinking, I did smack myself.

"Oh yeah! School!" I grabbed a nearby stool and sat on it. "Something crazy happened!" I exclaimed.

Dianne laughed. "Go on, fill me in with the details." She urged.

"You see a girl confessed to me! But then another one came out from nowhere and slapped this girl. This second girl then confessed to me but the first one got up and slapped her as well! It was all too crazy!" I frantically waved my hands in the air in attempt to show how crazy it was. "They were killing each other! And what's even crazier was the fact that they were bestfriends! Crazy!"

I don't know what was wrong in the words I said or in the way how I delivered it but Dianne was just laughing even more.

"Now you don't see that everyday." She finally stopped laughing and wiped a tear from her eye. "You should really stop that gaudy attitude of yours. It'll be the cause of your death one day."

I smirked and flicked my hair. "Only when hell freezes over."

She then playfully pinched my cheeks and chuckled.

"Hey that hurt." I pouted and rubbed the reddening area.

"Not until you stop being gaudy." She raised a finger with narrowed eyes.

"It's not my fault I'm irresistible!" I smirked again.

"Fine, I won't argue with you on that." We both laughed as the setting sun slowly turned the atmosphere crimson.

She gently stopped laughing. "Drew, can I ask you a favor?" She heaved a mournful sigh.

"Sure." I smiled at her reassuringly. "Anything."

I got the feeling that it is something unpleasant, it isn't really obvious of course but I know it is there. If there is any sign of it, her eyes spell them for me.

I soften my gaze at her. Her straight red shoulder-length hair shadowed her eyes in a veil of sadness, seeing her cry is one of the most heart-breaking thing I have ever seen.

A grief-stricken cry of an estranged mother.

"I want you to give this to her." She looked up at me with those sea-green courageous eyes glistening with withheld tears. She reached her palms to me and I saw a folded piece of paper.

"What's this?" I asked, taking the object with my hands.

"It's a letter." She wiped her eyes. "For my daughter, can you give it to her?"

I stared at the paper for roughly a minute before replying something. By doing this favor that would mean leaving her here at LaRousse.

Alone.

"B-but, I can't leave you just yet-" I was cut off when she squeezed my hands with her trembling ones.

"I've been a bad mother Drew." She looked at me and squeezed my hands harder, her large streaming tears creating large dark wet blots on her clean and white bed sheet.

Realizing that her actions surprised me, she retracted back her hands and instead gripped the sheet. She kept her head low as her large tears kept on flowing and falling. For a petite thirty one year-old mother, she cried as much as a young child.

And with each passing day, she seem to become even more frail and tiny.

I know deeply that I could never come up with the words to bring her comfort, to stop her mad crying. So instead I just stood up from my stool and embraced her.

Needless to say, some tears escaped my eyes.

I never felt this useless before.

"You're not a bad mother." I fought back a hard sob. "Everyone messes up sometimes, I, I me-mean even for some-someone li-like me! I mess up a lot you know." I sniffed. "And just because we mess up it doesn't mean that we're already bad."

"No! I am a bad mother!" She screamed at me, her raspy breathing shook me hard. "I deserve this life! I deserve this death sentence!"

The more she cried harder, the more my tears overpowered me.

"I DESERVE TO DIE!"

She screamed and wailed hard. She even kept on pounding my chest but I only held her tight. I mustered all my strength in just holding her.

"I DESERVE TO DIE!" She screamed again. A few more pounding and she finally stopped and just howled a sorrowful cry. She wrapped her arms around my back.

I loosened my tight hug.

"Trust me Mrs. Dianne." I whispered. "No matter what bad things you did with Brianna, you don't deserve this. I doubt anyone deserves to die."

"B-but I.."

"She might be mad at you but you regretted what you did and you're willing to do anything to make her forgive you. That willingness is something." I added. "And you love her, that's what matters most."

I broke the hug and smiled at her.

"And sure I will give this letter to her." I mustered a courageous smile in effort to make her stop sobbing. And miraculously, she did. "I will make her come here and see you."

"You're really such a sweet boy." She wiped her tears with her bed sheet. "You don't have to make her come here though." She smiled as she held my head. "Just look at how ugly I have become. Stupid disease."

"What? You don't loo-"

She planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

I instantaneously backed away, lightly touching the area where her lips had touched.

"I never thought you would cry with me." She chuckled. "Thank you, for everything you've done for me. Thank you so much."

She smiled a big grateful smile.

"Remember yesterday when you asked me more about Brianna? Let me tell you things about my daughter."

...

I could still clearly remember that time, my last visit with Mrs. Dianne Blink. It was one heck of an emotional roller coaster.

Aside from trying to continue my whole year of high-school back at LaRousse, she was the other reason for me staying there for almost a year longer. May's grandfather noted me and my family that we should head back for a family reunion, but I stayed behind. And thankfully, my parents allowed me to stay behind alone to finish up my high school.

And surprisingly, May's grandfather also allowed me.

I've been visiting Brianna's mother in the hospital for almost a year before coming back here. I'd visit her everyday after class, I'd bring her flowers and fruits.

Anything that would make her smile basically.

My last visit with her was the most emotional one. I've seen her cry but not that much before. And that last visit was also the one when I realized how much I didn't know about Brianna.

Dianne told me a lot about her.

Brianna was a fruit of an unwanted teenage pregnancy. Not only that both of her parents had to quit school, they also had to work hard on a lot of part-time jobs. And being an only child, she mainly grew up with her grandmother's care, Mrs. Dianne's mother.

And at school she was bullied often for being a fruit of teenage pregnancy so she never had any friends. And it was her grandmother who advised her to take Taekwondo lessons during middle school. Needless to say, Brianna grew up with more affection to her grandmother than towards her parents.

Then a sad and life-changing event happened when Brianna was seven years old -her grandmother died of leukemia. It was such a catastrophe for Brianna that ever since her grandmother died, she became withdrawn and she stopped going to school.

That might have explained why she was so bitter when we first met when we came back to LaRousse when Grandpa died.

But soon she slowly stopped becoming withdrawn when we started to become friends as neighbors. Dianne said that Brianna rarely trusted anyone so I had this some sort of special connection with her. She would spend most of her time with me both in school and at home. Even my parents gladly welcomed her in our house.

The time she would spend with her grandmother became the time she spent with me and my family.

I didn't know anything about her or her childhood at that time.

Then another tragedy happened when she was thirteen years old - her parents separated. Dianne left them for no reason and her heart-broken father stopped working and became an alcoholic. It wasn't difficult since they weren't even married to begin with. Dianne's reason for leaving was unclear to me even until now.

It was a huge struggle on her part since she was still young. She wouldn't go to school no matter how much I encouraged her. Sometimes she would knock on my door crying and would ask if she could stay with me for the night because she couldn't sleep with her father crying and thrashing things inside their home.

Separated parents, her caring grandmother dead, no friends at school and no brothers or sisters. There was no one at all for her except me and my family. It doesn't take much understanding for one to easily tell that she was wrecked.

But even with those, she tried her best living happily. She would always come at me smiling.

'I can go on living, as long as you're with me.'

Ever since I heard that from her, I felt something painful echo in my chest. I felt fear and guilt blossom like spring flowers. I knew someday, I'd be the cause of her misery. And knowing how much sadness she had endured already, I don't think there would be a need for me to make it worse for her.

May's grandfather called us that we should head back for a family reunion. And during the same time, Brianna's mother unexpectedly returned. Of course it was too late, Brianna and her father, Edward, already harbored hatred for Dianne leaving them.

On my side, I managed to convince my family that they could go ahead and I would follow as soon as I will finish school since I only got a year left.

My parents immediately booked a plane. And meanwhile, Brianna stayed with me since she didn't want to see her mother again. She told me that Dianne kept on apologizing for leaving her and her dad, but she wasn't forgiven. Especially with Brianna, she has come to hate her mother so much.

It was something I understood. She left, but then came back. Of course she would be hated. Brianna said that she wouldn't stay at her home until her father kicks Dianne out. If her dad could tolerate her, Brianna couldn't.

Her dad only let Dianne stay temporarily because she had no other place to stay.

One night, the moment I feared the most happened during a dinner.

Brianna and I were eating dinner when she suddenly confessed that she had feelings for me ever since we first met. She told me that she could take on anything, even the world as long as I'm with her. She told me how much she needed me and that I was the only reason why she managed to come this far.

She told me that she loved me.

I was stunned by her sudden confession, and I was stunned at how I was supposed to answer her.

My mind flooded with all those times I spent with her, those times I tried comforting her and all those times she cried out my name.

But at the same time, my mind also flooded with the memories I left with May.

I was confused. I didn't know what to say. I tried so hard to be honest without hurting her. But how? It was impossible.

I was about to say something when she stood up from her seat and looked at me with her sad sunken green eyes.

'I understand.' She said, not bothering for my reply.

After that, she left me alone in the kitchen and went straight to the room she was currently using and locked the door. She didn't even finish her dinner.

I knew I should have gone after her, but then what? What could have I done? What could have I said? The thing I feared most happened already. I regretted that I had not thought of this ahead, that I had not prepared for that day to come. I thought that it was better to leave her alone for a while than pathetically try to console her.

I slept that night not finishing my dinner as well. And when morning came, Brianna was nowhere in her room. I thought that she must had gone back home but she had not. She left me, as well as her mother, for a reason I don't know until now. She left together with her father and lived here, with a new life that I didn't know.

I once told her about May, how our grandfathers thought of this stupid plan of getting us married someday. Even though she laughed at it, there was a glint of sadness in her eyes when I told her that, so it was the first and the last time I ever talked to her about May. That must have been what she meant when she said that she understood, that I got someone else special. I couldn't believe she remembered May after mentioning her only once.

My mind kept on trailing back with the memories I shared with Brianna and my memories I shared with her mother at the hospital. And the longer I entertained myself with these memories, the more I wanted to help them get together again.

At first I hated Dianne for making Brianna's life even more miserable, but one day my hate towards her wavered and blossomed into pity.

It was one rainy night, the night after Brianna and her father disappeared. I heard someone screaming outside my house. I ignored it for a while until I heard that it was calling out to someone. And it was Dianne, heavily soaked in the rain shouting Brianna's name.

I watched her for a while, I felt pity but I thought that she deserved it. I was about to close my curtains when she suddenly collapsed on the cold pavement.

I immediately ran outside to help her. She was in a hysterical state. She kept on mumbling Brianna's name. I was the one who brought her to the hospital, where I knew that she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, the same illness that took away Brianna's grandmother.

It was supposed to be a rare disease, but how could it infect two people in a single family? That's unfair.

The doctors told me that her disease have progressed already at a later stage and it was becoming fatal. I never knew Brianna's mother deeply, we've exchange conversations before but only up to that. I shuddered from the news of her diagnosis. She needed immediate help, or else she wouldn't last long.

At that time I didn't know what to do, I was also alone. And with Brianna leaving me suddenly, I was supposed to leave LaRousse. But Dianne had touched my heart already so I decided to stay longer and just keep her company.

All I hoped for was for them to get the happiness they both deserved, for Brianna who lived such a hard and lonely life and for Dianne who cared for Brianna as her cherished daughter.

I trudged quickly on the sidewalk as few people passed me. For a nearing holiday, the night view of the city sure was enthralling.

Thankfully, Brianna's house was not far from the school. I managed to get there on foot in just less than an hour.

I'd been a bad mother Drew!

I DESERVE TO DIE!

I breathed in deeply before knocking on the door twice.

When Brianna saw me when she opened the door, she instantly tried to close it. But my foot got stuck just in time.

"YOU. GODDAMN. LIAR." She kept on slamming the door furiously against my foot. Of course it hurt a lot. But if it was a way for her to vent all her frustrations at me, then I was more than willing to endure the pain. "You told me on our date that you two weren't married yet!"

"Huh? Of cour-"

"STOP. LYING." She pounded it even more that I hissed in pain.

How did she found out?

For some reason, she stopped slamming the door on me. I noticed a wound just below her lower lip. I tried to voice out my concern but stopped when she glared at me.

"What are you even doing here?" She asked harshly. "No wait, is this about the letter again? Taking advantage of me by asking me out on a date for that stupid piece of paper from my good for nothing mother! You're horrible! Despicable!"

I didn't answer and gulped noiselessly.

"Please get your foot out of my door."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"P-please..." The third time she said it, her voice cracked. "Just leave me alone.." She let out a shaky breath.

She was going back to her previous self again, detached and distant. She didn't even take her midterm exams the previous week.

The same kind of pained emotions crashed on me as that time during my last visit with Dianne. Is it because they shared the same red hair and ocean green eyes that the feeling is also similarly painful?

The same swollen sunken eyes from crying. The same trembling lips. The same disheveled red hair. The same mournful cry. The same broken heart. The same kind of sadness and longing.

"I, I can't just leave you alone.." I whispered, the same response when Dianne told me that I should have just left her alone to die on the cold pavement that night.

I didn't look at her for the guilt I was feeling suddenly gained weight. I was the reason for her to go on living despite how hard life had hit her. And now I'm part of the reason of her suffering.

I really did make it worse for her.

What am I supposed to say? And I promised Dianne. Failure isn't an option.

I gathered strength to speak up, but when I did, Brianna crashed on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.

"I just don't get it!" She cried out. "Why can't the people I love stay in my life? Why does everyone have to leave me so soon? Why? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?" She then looked up at me, her face unkempt with her hair and tears. "First was my grandma, then Brendan, then my mother and now you.. Why? Why am so I unwanted? Why can't anyone stay with me? It is so cruel.."

She dug her face in her hands and sobbed hard.

"I hate being alone..."

"Brianna..." It seemed that the strength I gathered wasn't enough. I was only able to say her name, a voice as inaudible as a whisper.

"Do you know why I left you back then?" She asked, not taking her face from her hands. "Because you mattered most to me. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for you to leave me, that, th-that it scared me so much." She roughly looked back up at me. "That I might end up killing myself." She cried out. "So before you could leave me, I left you ahead. It was a stupid and desperate attempt!"

I looked away again and bit my lips.

"I, I didn't know..."

"So how does it feel to be left alone? Was it painful? Tell me!" She snarled. "Of course you wouldn't be in pain. You're finally free from a loud and sissy brat like me."

"You already have someone else special..."

"Brianna I told you, I also care about you." It was a weak argument, a weak and hollow argument. "And your mother, Dianne, she cares for you as well." I helped her stood up. She could barely keep herself up when I saw her knees tremble. Even with a disabled arm, she was too weak to shrug me off.

"Don't touch me!" She cried and tried slapping my grip on her arm. "Let me go!"

"LET ME GO DAMMIT!" She was able to push me down. I fell down as my bottom hit the cold ground.

I ignored the pain and stood up. She ran past me and made her way towards the street.

"Brianna, wait!" I called out. "That's dangerous!"

The street across where she lived is a private one. Cars are rarely seen.

But when she was halfway across the street, a bright light from a headlamp made her pause exactly on her spot. It was an oncoming car, and it was coming up fast.

The pain from the fell earlier limped me so much that I was barely moving.

"No!" I screamed. "Brianna!!"

The screeching sound of a car break made me close my eyes in anticipation. It's all over.

I am a failure at keeping my promise. Not only that I failed Dianne but I did something worse.

My whole world rocked as if a meteor just hit me. I quickly opened my eyes and frantically looked around, the car have stopped running and there was no sign of an accident. Just bold tire breaks behind the car.

I limped going near it and saw two figures sprawled on the sidewalk across.

A familiar girl was on top of Brianna, they both panted for air.

"Stupid brat!" She slapped Brianna hard.

"Witch..." It was all Brianna could mutter at her great astonishment to who her savior was.

"If you wanna kill yourself that badly you do it somewhere else!" May fumed, still gasping for air.

I could feel the atmosphere spark with increasing intensity between them, but it was better than what would have happened if May wasn't here.

She saved Brianna.

And by doing so, she also saved me and Dianne.

Thank god.