Chapter 17: Sometimes I Wonder Why I’m Not Dead

Once I was conscious again, I was greeted with pain all over my body, it was almost unbearable at all the places the bullets I almost didn't open my eyes. But my shock took over the pain as I asked the question that the doctor who ran in soon after asked

"How are you alive?"

I chuckled before wincing in pain once more, "I just asked myself that," I said with a grin. "I guess it takes a lot to kill me," I added before I asked the question that was ebbing at my mind ever since I woke up. "What happened," I finally asked as I remember hearing Sammy's screams of pain from only a classroom behind me.

The doctor opened his mouth to answer but someone's voice took over, "When you blacked out from that last shot, they kicked your body to the side and started shooting the school. They tried to focus in the classrooms as much as they could but once they reached the classroom that Sammy was in, they saw her passed out with her phone connected with the police. Several people had called the police at that time that her effort wasn't needed but it helped even more."

Once Renée finished, I looked at her with worried eyes, "Sammy," I began, "is she okay?"

Renée smiled softly, "She is," she began, "soon after the officers came several ambulances came and carried bodies of both the dead and the wounded. You both were among the wounded but you were claimed to be in fatal condition," she paused as I soaked everything in. "Like you, she survived the surgery to the gunshot wound to her stomach. Her surgery just finished so she's still sleeping but the doctors said that she'll be all right," she finished as a faint smile appeared on my lips and I let out a breath that I didn't know that I was holding

"Well at least I succeeded in saving one life," I began, "what are my injuries?"

This is where Renée looked sorrowful, "Both of your kneecaps are shattered, one of your legs might need to come off. One of your shoulders may need to come off as well because they can't fix any of the tendons in it since you used it to support yourself so much."

Once she finished, I stared at the blank ceiling, "Why haven't they taken them off," I asked absent-mindedly as I thought the words off

Taken off

The two words seemed more fitting for a ruined piece of clothing instead of two limbs that could keep me living my normal life aside from the pain. The two words resonate in my mind as I thought it over. I wouldn't be able to do the things I loved but I would be living with a little less pain than what I would have if I kept them.

"They were waiting for your consent and your stomach to heal," Renée answered as I continued to think

I looked at the doctor who was in the room during this, his eyes wide in disbelief that I'm alive. "I give them the consent to do so after my stomach heals," I said as the doctor nods and leaves the room

This time it was Renée's turn to look at me with wide eyes, "You're just going to have them cut off," she asked as I nodded. "Why," she asked simply as I looked at the blank ceiling once more.

"Even if they repaired the tendon I'd still be at some sort of disability and pain," I began. "I'd rather be out of that pain even if it brings me the pain of a permanent disability," I then looked at her with a tear down my cheek. "Even though I may not be able to be an understudy anymore or even a dance I'd rather live with that than hear that I would be able to do it because of the risk of reinjuring my repaired tendons while I still had them."

Renée's lips thinned into a line as she swallowed, "I will respect that," she began. "I can completely understand that," she added as I smiled my thanks

"Thank you," I said audibly, "tell the cast that I'm awake and alive," I said as exhaustion from the pain took over for perhaps the hundredth time in my life. "I'm going to take a little nap," I said before seeing Renée smile faintly before nodding and leaving the room

Two pain-filled days had passed before the day that the option to remove my limbs came. I woke up, tempted to ask for more painkillers but I didn't want to welcome sleep once more. That's when the nurse came in with a vial

"Good morning," I said groggily as she approached my IV with a faint smile on her face

"Good morning Miss Stevens-Goldsberry," she said, "how are you feeling today?"

I smirked a little, "I can't even describe this pain now," I said, "at least the pain in my stomach has subsided."

The nurse chuckled, "That's what Miss Edwards said not too long ago as she referred to the stiffness in her legs and arms when she left," the nurse said with another chuckle. "She was asking for you though, I had to tell her that you were asleep," she added as my eyes widened. "Her worry made me think that you two were lovers or something," she finished

"She left today," I asked as the nurse nodded with another smile, "finally a friend who doesn't die around me."

The nurse laughed as she looked me over, "You could leave a little earlier if you want," she said and I arched one of my blonde eyebrows in confusion. "The wound in your stomach has healed considerably since you woke up, we were thinking about doing an operation to take off the limbs that are irreparable."

"Do it," I said almost instantly, I did not want to be in the hospital any longer than I had to be. "I'm not much of a fan of hospitals," I admitted as she chuckled

"Nobody is," she said with that same smile, "I'll tell the cast for you," she said as she put in the liquid of the vial into my IV. "I'm pretty sure they'll understand," she said as I smiled

"Thank you," I said faintly as I felt the pain ebb away and darkness wraps around the edges of my vision

"This is just pain medicine right now but they're going to put you under once you're on the table. We don't exactly want you waking from the pain," she explained as she began pulling my bed out and into the hall.

"Okay," I said sleepily once more, I faintly saw the doors of the operating room before I welcomed the darkness of sleep.

Renée's P.O.V

I can't believe it!

"Thank you for calling me over here to inform me of this," I began as I strained to hide the choking sobs that threatened to climb up my throat. "I will tell the cast myself to save you the stress of calling all of them," I finished talking to the nurse

"Thank you, Mrs. Goldsberry," she said as I nodded before leaving to Richard Roger's

I thought of her explanation only two days ago, it does seem a little selfish but it was understandable. She could've healed but even if those tendons were repaired, she wouldn't be able to do much with the number of bullets that were put into those joints. The cast will be surprised but I have to tell them along with Sammy, who Lin picked up for her parents since she can't climb the stairs yet. Soon I parked across from the theater and walked into the sound of sobs coming from backstage. Jealousy rose inside of me as I looked to see who it was, it was Cass crying behind one of the curtains instantly replacing my jealousy with guilt.

"Hey Cassidy," I whispered as she looked up at me with shock, her eyes puffy from crying. She was going to hang out with Rose that day, and had a big plan to explore New York with her too until we all got the news of the shooting. "Why are you crying," I asked kneeling to her crouched level

"It's about Rose," she said as I frowned in confusion, "she didn't tell you, did she?"

"Tell me what," I asked as her eyes widened

"I was the person with her in that fatal crash," she began and I almost fell out of shock. "If she dies, I don't have anyone to talk to who can relate to it," she added as the guilt grew

"Well let me tell you something," I began as I sat on the floor, "you're the first person in this building to know aside from Samantha."

"What is it," she asked the hope in her voice

"She's going to live," I said with a sigh, "but she's losing two of her limbs, I will explain more when I call the entire cast if you would like to stay."

She nodded, "Thank you Renée," she said as the tears continued rolling down her cheeks

Both of these have been through so much, I sighed as I stood up to look for Lin. Rose has been through multiple abusive homes while her best friend has been here not having a single person to relate to. I saw that these two were like sisters and it broke my heart to see Cassidy like that.

Soon enough I found Lin who was talking to Lac underneath the stage, "Hey Lin," I began. "Sorry to interrupt but could you call everyone I have news on Rose," I finished as his eyes widened

"I'm on it," he said grabbing his phone and a megaphone

"Who's idea was it to give him a megaphone," I asked Lac who only shrugged as we followed Lin onto the stage. Soon after that Lin's call to the whole cast and crew resonated throughout the theater. Once I got back onto the stage, I saw everyone there from Leslie to Sammy who was supporting herself on Maria and Jazzy, they were all there.

"What's the news on Rose," Daveed asked

"Is it good news," Sammy asked as a pained expression formed on her face, "let me sit at the edge of the stage first."

Once she sat down, I began with a sigh, "There's some news," I began, "she's getting her left arm and right leg amputated. After that she'll be back in time for Christmas," I finished as everyone mumbled their concern

"Why is she doing that," Maria asked, her eyes wide, "she won't be able to dance or be Pippa's understudy anymore."

I nodded, "She knows that," I began, "I talked to her when she first woke up two days ago. She said that she'd rather lose two limbs than keep her limbs while enduring pain of not being able to do everything and the pain of her repaired tendons moving."

Everyone nodded in understanding as John raised his hand, once I nodded, he began to speak. "I just had an idea but I don't know if we could do it," he said a little hesitantly as Pippa sneezed

"Let's hear it Groffsauce," Lin said from next to me

"What if we could all chip in a little bit to afford prosthetics for her," John said as we all listened. "That way she'd still be able to dance and be an understudy especially if they're the same color as her skin."

"That's a great idea," Jazzy exclaimed as Sammy nodded

"Sign me up to help," she said as I smiled, "I'm calling my parents to see if they want to help too."

Cass and Maria also agreed as everyone looked at me expectantly, "What do you say Renée," Daveed said. "You are her mother," he added as I realized that they were all looking at me for approval

I smirked as I looked at everyone and sighed, "I don't know what to say," I began. "Y'all are amazing, let's do it," I finished as everyone cheered and we started getting the money together.