Disposition****Chapter Eight

I was having bad dreams. I would wake up deaf in my dreams. Same dream, same results. Mike said if I didn't have any ears I would not be scared. I thought hard and long about it. I pictured myself without ears.

These...people, who the fuck were they to tell me Redd had damaged me, I wasn't damaged...he was. Did they know what damaged goods were? I had these two children by him and I just didn't know what to look forward to, I know I saw my mother's signature, but why hadn't I signed? It WAS myyy case, right?! Her slick ass was probably trying to take Ryan and I would not allow that. I missed Seg 6, and Killa...and Issa. I met Dash and he understood like Mike. I wondered what happened to his teeth so one day I asked. He said he had pulled them one by one and buried them. He was waiting for them to grow back. That was my nigga though, I swear he was the reason I survived Yarbrough. Oh, of course Mike didn't approve of his company, he was a fuckin hater and would get all in his feelings. None of them liked Redd though. They kept me cuffed, I didn't like that shit worth a fuck! When I wasn't cuffed I was in a room and everything was white. Everything, even the damn pencils. That was the only time I could be active with Ryan, I kept leaving her to go talk to those nosy ass doctors.

The sessions.

They were long and frustrating and they insisted I brought Ryan, and always wanted to talk about Redd. Then they'd asked me about the code. How the fuck did they know about that, it was some sideways shit going on. I wanted a cigarette so bad.

After one of the visits I recall being paralyzed, I could barely blink. We talked about Daddy and his problem, and how the porn helped him. Mama had left with Kerri and I, and the rain was so cold. She fell in the mud, running; all I could see were the headlights and shit. I thought that muthafucka wasn't gone stop. What the fuck did that have to do with the case!? I got pissed, and my behavior became downright disrespectful. I stayed that way for a long time. Mike terrorized the fuck out of me, I finally stopped taking the shit they were feeding me like he suggested and started spitting it out. I then realized I was in love with that muthafucka. He made me feel so good, some days I forgot Redd even existed. My attorney came and we just were not on the same page, he claimed he wanted to help. I couldn't tell. I told him if he couldn't give me no dick and help take care of Ryan then he could leave me the fuck alone. That's when they started injecting me and he kept coming anyway.

I sat in a chair staring out of the window the night the tornado came. It tore up the courthouse. I was high as a muthafucka.

I realized I loved Redd still. I couldn't shake that nigga, something inside of me knew we would be together again one day. Terrell had come between us but it just made us stronger. I finally told the attorney a month after I went back to Seg 6 how their undercover officer sexually assaulted me repeatedly and how I was afraid to report him because no one would believe me. I was obviously traumatized. Redd would go free. Mike had come up with that idea.

They repaired the courthouse. I was prepared to accept the plea deal of 15 years, and a reduced charge. No one else would be exposed. No one would know. If I was lucky it would be dismissed by reason of insanity. Ryan had grown and was sitting in the audience. They granted me the permission, Mamas Baby was a big girl now. She was at the talking stage and I had to constantly tell her to use her inside voice. When the prosecutor stood... he didn't have any paperwork, it had been destroyed in the tornado along with the computers that had our case files. Somehow my attorney's had too and his office had not even been in the storm. The judge was beet red, the prosecutor requested the matter be reset. The stenographer's disturbed ass pecked away. I was happy Kerri had decided to come but where was Boogie? She hadn't kept it solid, and I knew I wouldn't be down for long. If I could survive solitary confinement I could survive anything...it was solitary, as the title suggests.

"APPROACH THE BENCH COUNSELOR!"

The Prosecutor fumbled and straightened his tie.

"Your Honor this is the only paperwork we have, the rest is missing, somehow..."

"Well that isn't doing the case any good is it! The D.A couldn't even save him.

"'Do u two realize this case is in shambles?!! We can't reschedule! We've been draggin this case along almost 4 years! U don't even have phone records Counsel! Anybody can say all day long they done it but where's the SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE? All I've seen was some scribble scrabble on some paper! Where are the videos?"

Had he given them my letters?

"Your Honor, they just disappeared!"

"SON IF I WERE U I WOULDN'T RUN FOR D.A."

Redd smiled at me nervously. He looked so different. His mother, she hadn't thought Ryan was his, I could tell. They just kept laughing at her silently, I hated messy bitches.

The attorneys returned to their tables.

"Would the defendants rise!"

We stood up. Ryan stood, she didn't understand. I asked him for a moment. "LET HER STAND UP!" he yelled. He was pissed the fuck off. "Thank You" I politely said.

"In this matter, we can no longer keep Mr. Lewis and Ms. Givens in our custody, the amount of time allowed for a plea and sentencing has exceeded. I've never seen so much cockamanie nonsense before! Not in all my 44 years in the Judicial system! This is mockery! I've seen IT ALL THIS GO ROUND! If u intend on reopening this case Counselor u better have your ducks in a row next time!"

(Bangs Gavel)

"CASE DISMISSED!"

I could not believe what I had heard. Redd had a look of disbelief on his face. His eyes, they were terror stricken. What had he been afraid of? He had turned into a real bitch. I could now go home and be with my man. We could pick up where we left off...I would soon be tested again and I hoped he would do the same, if it made a difference. I had loved him so much. Love is so deadly. He always told me about Code...let him tell it he was so loyal to that shit. Its impossible to be loyal to another muthafucka if u cant be loyal to yourself. Why hadn't he manned up and told them I was innocent, he had let me suffer, he had taken me away from our child. I had miscarried, I lost my mind to keep from losing my mind. The night we were arrested they interviewed him first. Before the fight with Shameka the detective let me hear his statement, he had blamed it all on me. I had found out about him and Terrell...why had he lied about his name? That was the first flag.

I hate I had to go through so much to realize how much of a bitch he was, literally. I'd sat in a cell alone 1293 days...the only thing I owned was the fetus of my child. I could not let him get away with it. I was about to find out exactly how hard he liked to be fucked.