Antwan****Chapter Nine

I stood outside of the prison wondering where the fuck I would go. The reporters had been at the courthouse and even though it was late I figured they would still be outside. They hadn't to my surprise and Kerri hadn't answered. She knew I was being released, I just wanted my child. He was now 8 years old. I pictured his uneven teeth, he was definitely around that age, and wondered if he still had his mohawk. His daddy wasn't shit, but I would never expose him to his son. He loved his daddy too much, nothing I could have said would have changed that. I began to walk, I didn't know where I was or my destination, the prison was twenty miles from Keithville. I had never even been there before. My clothes were baggy, they had not been my own. I got them from a property box. They had only allowed me to put on Redd's boxers and a sports bra the night they arrested us. The 3 thousand dollars I had was gone.

My feet ached, I had found a pair of flip flops 2 sizes too small and put them on. The straps were too tight between my toes. I couldn't walk any further after so long. I had walked about two miles before I came to a park. I stopped and sat on a bench. I talked to Ryan as I held the plastic bag. The dough was becoming moist because I was now outside of the cold jail. I breathed in the air long careful. I embraced the many sounds I had forgot even existed. As I talked I saw someone move. I had not even noticed the man sitting on another bench two benches away from the one I sat on, but on the other side. His demeanor disturbed me. What the fuck was he doing out there? He probably wondered the same about me. I cared not to find out. My feet had hurt so bad.

Redd. My man. He was 9 days shy of finishing his parole and he could not be released just yet. I anticipated his release. We would move forward as if nothing had happened. I loved him...and wanted to show him how much. The man fidgeted in his coat pocket. I got the fuck up. He got up. I walked off fast as fuck. I had not known where I would go. I just walked. Fast. He walked faster. The straps cut my feet as I picked up my pace. I felt the strap on the left shoe pop. I began to run, the flip flop wrapped around my ankle and was flat against the back of my leg as I ran. I could hear his steps on the pavement. "HEEEY DAMMIT!" He yelled.

I began to pray. I ran. I could not see another person in sight nowhere. It was 1:18 in the morning, I could see the bank clock high up I knew I was close to downtown. I remembered seeing it when we went to the courthouse and also from Yarbrough.

"HEEEEEY!" He yelled at me, I was running so fast and I hadn't given a fuck how loud he yelled I wasn't stopping. What the fuck did he want?

"I SAW U AT COURT, HE YELLED!"

WHAT?

"U HAD A SEIZURE!"

I kept running.

"STOP! PLEASE!"

Breathing hard and about to pass out I yelled back, "I DON'T KNOW U!" He had probably been in jail for rape.

"PLEASE STOP!"

The muthafucka had gone in his pocket and he was not about to kill me. I kept running. My chest ached. All of a sudden I felt the stab underneath my left foot as it came down on a shard of glass, I screamed! I could not run anymore. I tumbled to the ground. He came closer. This man could not have had good intentions. I began to scream louder! I saw headlights come on in the parking lot about 100 feet away from where I laid.

"NO! STOP SCREAMING! I'M NOT...."

"HEEEEEY! STOOOP! NOOOW I'LL SHOOT U NIGGA!"

The man looked frightened, "Im not gonna hurt u!" he said before turning to run off. A nigga from the car in the parking lot approached where I sat trying to remove the glass so I could get up and run. I was scared shitless as he walked closer. The blood leaked from my foot. He knelt when he finally made it to where I sat.

Damn.

"Whoa u fucked your foot up! U ok?"

WHO WAS HE AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE DOING OUT THERE. HE SMELLED LIKE WEED. I didn't say anything, I was fighting back tears. I just looked at him with crocodile tears in my eyes.

"U a big baby huh...what u doing out here?"

"I should ask u the same thing. OUCH!!!"

"MY BAD! I GOT IT! How the fuck u step on this? Come on. Can u get up? U are bleeding bad."

"NO GET OFF ME! WHERE'S MY BABY!"

"Your baby? U have your baby out here?"

"YES!"

"U DIDN'T HAVE A BABY WHEN U SAT DOWN!"

"WHAT!? MUTHA..."

(Laughing)

"Just get up. Please. I cant leave..."

(Phone Ringing)

"Shit. That's Brown. Ok, stay put."

"WHAT! U JUST SAID..."

(Answers)

"Preach my nigga..."

I looked at him from head to toe and wondered what type of business he was out here conducting.

"Aiite. Something came up though."

My foot leaked blood like someone had tried to cut it off.

"Bet. Yea, 30 minutes."

(Call Ended)

"I'll take u to the ER and drop u off."

"NO! IM FINE!"

"U CRAZY AS HELL. I'M TAKING U! ILL COME BACK I PROMISE. COME ON!

"NO!"

"Damn u stubborn. What's your name?"

I just sat and cried.

Ok, I'll take u to my mama house. She was a nurse."

WAS?

"I'M NOT TELLING U MY NAME!"

"Well, u look familiar..."

I was musty ass hell, I tried to hold my arms down but I was still bringing tears to my own fuckin eyes. I had stopped and peed twice, with no tissue.

I thought about it. That man probably still lurked.

"Fuck it, I'm gone. I tried," the nigga said before turning to walk off. He took about 12 steps and I saw he wasn't gone slack his pace.

My foot throbbed.

"Where yo mama stay at...?" I asked humbly.

He laughed and didn't answer. "Come on," he said before turning around.

He helped me limp to the car and wasn't offended by the body odor.

It smelled just like Kush inside, the half blunt laid in the ashtray. I was becoming loopy from the smell. I had left a trail of blood as he helped my musty ass to his Impala. I had hair under my arms and between my legs that was starting to dread. A rapper I had not heard played from the speakers.

"Can I use your phone?" I asked.

"He handed it to me before closing the passenger door."

I hadn't seen a nigga that looked like him in a long time, I knew he had a girl somewhere. Back in the day I woulda given him a run for his money. I dialed Kerri's number. It had been changed, just that quick. I wanted my son, that was it. I asked him to search for her on facebook and Instagram, she either had changed her profile name or didn't have accounts. I wondered what kind of games she was playing...she would definitely give me my son back, I didn't play about mine. I started to cry again. He didn't say too much and kept giving me napkins from the console.

Finally he said, "I gotta put the dog up."

He parked and went inside, the ride had taken 15 minutes. Everything was so much different. He finally took me inside. He disappeared down the hall, first he laid down his gun. He woke his mother up. I was so ashamed. We talked and I finally told her my story. I cried my heart out to a complete stranger. She remembered me from the news and got her first aid kit immediately when she saw how bad the cut was. The more she cleaned it, the more it bled. I just wanted to bathe, I felt like I could stop the bleeding myself. It burned like hell and the water only intensified the pain. I hadn't been in a bathtub in almost 4 years. I found out his name from his mother. He had gone. I listened for him to return, I didn't know why, I knew he lived somewhere else with his girl. I was so humble now. Humble but deadly. This was a major setback, I needed my foot. I needed to kill Redd, but first he would suffer as I had. I was going to rip his asshole apart. I looked at the rotten fetus and knew I needed to get rid of it.

I had taken a razor from the cabinet without asking out of its package. I needed to feel normal again. I shaved and cried, I wanted my son, I thought about everything I had been through because of that bitch ass nigga Redd.

After the water got cold. I finally got out and disinfected the bathtub. Miss Pamela had given me some clothes and would not allow me to leave. She insisted I slept in her daughter's old room. She fed me meatloaf and cabbage at 4 a.m and bandaged my foot.

I stared in the mirror and then laid down and cried myself to sleep after calling my mother's disconnected number. I refused to call Daddy. I had played crazy so long I felt crazy for real.

I wanted my son so bad, I had missed him so much. He deserved an explanation. I vowed to do right by him, always.

I think I cried in my sleep. The next morning he woke me up wiping my face, he was leaning over me in the bed.

"I'm sorry," Twan said, "I just can't sleep. U wanna smoke?"