Just Like That? **** Chapter Forty-One

Twan asked about the key he had given me, I told him I'd lost it just to see what his reaction would be. He said, "U are smarter than that, wherever it is we can't leave without it."

What lock did it fit? Why would it still be important when we left if we were leaving? Everytime I began to trust him he said or did something to raise a red flag. I needed my meds, I had started to become dizzy but disregarded the signs. The doctors had said the seizures would only get worse and I felt guilty praying because of all I had done. I had three beautiful babies and had been back with my soul mate for almost a month before the incident with Symone. I was earning his forgiveness he knew I would leave at any moment, I always had. I remember leaving school, seeing Redd waiting by the laundromat and going home with him to not be seen for weeks. I was pregnant and Daddy had me locked up in a mental facility because I hadn't wanted to go home. He had driven me to Johnny Gray Jones and dropped me off for good he thought. I would have blackouts and not remember at an early age. It was better that way, I could not keep remembering the night he killed Rashinda, he had picked her up and told me to get in the back seat. He unzipped his pants and told me to look out of the window. A short while later I heard her gasping for air, and he said, "I told u I would find u." The Buick swerved and she laid in his lap face down. He instructed me to keep looking out of the back door window while he dragged her through the driver door. He had finally pulled down a gravel road and stopped by a pasture. I remember the cows and the smell in the summer atmosphere. It was my 6th birthday, June 23rd. He grunted and moaned loudly like he always had upon reaching his release and I stared out of the window but was absent. "That's what God need preachers for, to punish the sinners" he was saying as he walked to the trunk with his pants around his ankles, his belt buckle drug against the concrete, I shivered before he unlocked the trunk, and waited to be next. I had peed and he was furious. How could he smell the piss over the gas I wondered. He let down the trunk after putting the gas can back inside and knelt down briefly. As we drove away the reflection of the orange flame was visible in the front windshield, he watched in the rearview mirror, "Yea, bitch---kick."

When I started the second grade my best friend Porsha had gone to live with her grandmother over the summer, her mother had been burned alive.

I told Twan the key was buried at Pam's old house. He said they had demolished the remainder of the structure and was preparing to build another home with new owners, of course. He said it was mandatory I get that key but wouldn't tell me what it was for. I said I would drive there and return the next day, we all could not go. He was against it but needed the key and insisted I drive his car, I refused. I had thought that was the best place for the key. I told him I would take Nikki but she had company and I was on another mission, I would kill Daddy, he had no chances left and call Kerri to tell her I found him dead. I would Colombian necktie that bitch and not think twice about it. I drove for an hour talking to Twan in the active service areas. I played with Ryella on facetime and sang to the babies. I felt good for some odd reason. Was it because I was about to get to the core of my problem? I had visited Rashinda's grave on a regular basis, I would sleep on it sometimes for an hour or two as a teen. What she had said to me that night was "I have a little girl who reminds me of u! U better not ever forget me, ok? Im Rashinda." She had told Daddy she was only meeting him because she wanted to buy her kids something to eat. I remembered it all.

I pulled to a Jack n the Box in Tyler Texas, and went inside to the bathroom. The smell of the onions nauseated me, as they always did when I got pregnant. I thought the missed period was just a result of the recent childbirth and all of the unwanted stress. I threw up, got off my knees just to throw up on the wall. When I went back outside I was extremely dizzy, I just wanted to make it back to the car to call Twan, I loved him and he loved me, I could finally see forever with him. I pressed send on the Lover contact and he answered but he and Tobias argued. I could tell he concealed the fact he was on a call. The babies screamed as they argued. "Bro, u trippin! I spared that bitch, fuck her but u down bad! Tawanna didn't deserve that shit! If u will kill Daddy u don't give a fuck about nothing!"

"Nigga I'll blow yo fuckin brains out, how the fuck u give that bitch the key?"

"Put the gun down, she gone to get it, just---"

"She got 30 minutes to get back here, or Im starting with Calliope! I ain't bullshittin Twan, on Mama Bro!"

Twan was crying, I folded my lips to keep from screaming. It began to rain and I turned on the windshield wipers but they would not come on, instead the hazard lights flashed. I went back down I-20 but west not east, something was going on and I was an hour and twenty minutes away, Tobias had lost it but he hadn't seen crazy. It was beef between them and he was threatening Ryella! Was Twan afraid of his big brother? Had they killed Pops? I was doing 90 going down the interstate, I was calling Twan but his phone was going to voicemail. I hadn't given a fuck about the State Troopers, but I had a blow out in the middle of nowhere and Twan's phone was still going to voicemail. I began to beat the steering wheel and cry. After about 15 minutes a truck pulled over and asked if I needed help. Of course I did! I knew nothing about tires, and hadn't known if I had a spare. My babies! I promised God if He let them be okay I would forgive Daddy and Kerri, it would be hard and I would have to have counseling but I needed him then if never before. I had retrieved my bag from the trunk and accepted the drivers offer. "Going toward Dallas," she said. "I'm going to Carrollton, right before u get there." She was an older woman going to meet a younger man she met online and kept putting on lipstick. Right before we arrived my phone rang, the caller ID said Larry Greenard, my heart pounded. It was Twan, he had thrown his phone against the wall out of anger as he had done mine. I cursed him the fuck out and cried, the babies were fine and he said Tobias had been trippin since Christy, it was his conscious, he had killed Carlita and she was 6 weeks pregnant but had not known. I wanted to know if what he said about Pops was true. Why had Twan wanted me to hear it? I told him I was on my way back and he sounded disappointed, he told me I didn't understand how important that key was. He decided to leave and go to a hotel room with the kids and called me from Crowne Plaza a short while later. Tobias had gotten drunk and passed out. I think he realized Christy wasn't shit and blamed me for breaking up his home. He was a grown ass man, how dare that muthafucka fault me!

I wanted to know if there was another child growing inside my womb, I could not handle another child! Twan needed a Vasectomy! I knew Symone carried his child, they had confirmed she was in fact pregnant. They were looking for a male of unknown race about 5'8 170 pounds, I was not that tall.

I tried to give Marta 50 dollars, she refused it and thanked me for the company. I entered the Hotel and found room 913. Twan opened the door and as always when with him my babies were safe. I loved him, so much. I told him I had someone to go dig up the key, I didn't but had texted Trent he just hadn't responded. When Twan was stressed he needed sex, it had been so intense I had a mild seizure, he became so discouraged. I wondered if truly, deep down inside he regretted getting involved with me. The question still remained, "Do u love me Twan?"

"Girl, with everything I got, look what u gave me," he said. "And another one on the way. I want as many as u will give me, I thought I would never have any." I believed him, and knew he hadn't wanted the lifestyle he lived when we met. "I want a tattoo with our names but the babies don't have any."

Fuck that, they did and I wanted to know about that key.

He only said he would tell me when it was time but it was our future.

We all laid in the King Size bed and I dozed off and on, he was so alert listening for the babies and so attached to his daughters. I already had told him there had been three babies, he said the third one came back to him. We left the hotel the next morning and he had to have been speeding, we were pulled over. He was cooperative but the officer was very disrespectful. He reached for my phone to record and the officer yelled, "PUT DOWN THE GUN!" He pulled the trigger so fast Twan couldn't even dispute his claim. I couldn't scream, I just looked at the officer as he radioed the lie in to the precinct, calling for backup. I sat motionless, the tears streamed down my face like rivers and fell onto my lap, in puddles. Ryella screamed but I could not focus on her, my mouth moved, all I could say was "Just like that?"

I sat as they screamed at me, "Ma'am step out of the car!" I could not absorb that shit! My babies father was gone! I turned toward him, his hand was still on my phone. He stared and hadn't suffered. "Just like that."

"BAAAAABYYYYYYYY!" I suddenly screamed, I beat the dashboard as they dragged me from the car, they requested the paramedics. "TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" My soulmate, my savior, my lover! GONE! I wanted to die, I had to die, but my babies. He loved them so muuuuuuch! What would I do? It had hurt so bad, like nothing before. I was dead too, and I couldn't imagine life without him, it was unbearable! I waited on the seizure as they sat the carseats on the ground, Ryella was barefoot and their father was slumped in the driver seat lifeless. I was done with the life thing, I knew I couldn't be strong for the kids. "NOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYYYY!"

"Calm down Ma'am," the female officer said. As I fought I heard a familiar voice. Carmella? I had no attention for her, my love was gone! All the moments I was away, I needed them baaack! GOD WHYYYYY!

As they tried to escort me away I fought and being overwhelmed with grief and disbelief I seized, It was the big one. I had awakened a while later back in the hospital, this time I had been in an epileptic coma, I did not go to the funeral and noone came. I had no phone it was evidence. The officer was on paid leave. I had no fight left, I wanted to die. My babies were gone -gone this time. No more Twan. The meds kept me in a trance after I came back to consciousness but when they would wear off I would scream and cry, they would inject me. I accepted the fact that I belonged in a mental ward.

One day someone tapped on the door, it was Trenton Myers. "Will u marry me?" He asked.