Robbed **** Chapter Fifty-Seven

I watched the door for Trenton to enter day in and day out. The disappointment was so dreadful I didn't even care about life, mine or the one inside of me. I was an experiment to them, their number one priority was to cure me but nothing proved to be effective. I would swell up, I had gestational diabetes and my mind was gone. I was alert, but subdued and it seemed they wanted to erase the memories I was clinging on to. I love my husband and I had given birth to his child, but had he truly wanted him? Had he had to reason with being his father? The child I carried was not anticipated but he appeared to be sincerely excited about the pregnancy. That's why I couldn't fathom why he would he abandon us and take my other children away from me? That could not be love! Everytime I negotiated with my own acumen, I sided with him. I believed wholeheartedly my children were fine and he had a logical explanation for my abandonment, it had been 37 days. I was nearing 6 months and dreaded being pregnant. I would dream about Troy and I could never read his lips, he would always be trying to tell me something through the glass. I needed help I knew I had fucked up with Angela, I had only seen her once, she had been giving out the diabetic snacks and passed me by like a stranger. I told her whose ass she could put the graham crackers in, 30 minutes later I was getting hydrotherapy in a straightjacket. I cussed her bald headed ass out, but I needed her and I was sorry. I waited and when I heard her voice I got out of bed and went to the door. She wasn't too thrilled about coming to see what I wanted, but after giving me the hold on finger and finishing her conversation with a patient's family member she walked over to my room. I saw hope. The gown I wore was too small and I only had on one, so when she saw my ass hanging out she made me get back in bed and said I better be glad she deal with crazy bitches on a regular basis, otherwise she would have had my ass locked up when we had the altercation. I vaguely recollected seeing her, only bits and pieces of the encounter would surface.

I cut to the chase, I knew she could use a few Benjamins. I was so medicated she kept wiping the corners of my mouth, I was holding my knees together because I had to pee, but I needed her help, I didn't give a fuck if my kidneys failed, I wanted my man and I couldn't wait. I missed my family, I cried and underwent psychotherapy daily. My heart had been yanked out, I was so sick and vomited constantly. My husband had secrets and I was beginning to believe he was in danger, I kept having a weird feeling. I couldn't see Trenton just leaving me without an explanation. He had adopted my other children but did he want a family that bad to abandon me and his unborn biological daughter? Why would he take them? I had my phone but the bill hadn't been automatically paid, I handed it to her and pointed at Trent's name. I showed her my ring, "My husband, " I said. "I got money." I had kept the change that would be in bags from all the meals Trenton had bought, he fed me at least twice a day because he would visit that often and when he last visited he promised to return as always. I was in torment, and had been more alert when I was first admitted. It had been voluntary so the sedatives were not relevant, only when he had not come back did I lose all sanity. Also I had taken five 100 dollar bills, folded them and put then on the soles of my shoes, 3 in the left 2 in the right. I told her I would pay her what I had and give her more if she helped me escape. I needed scrubs, and a badge. I was so medicated I knew I couldn't pull it off right away, I needed to refrain from the meds.

"I'm not letting u escape!" She said, "but I can take u outside and if I'm not looking and u get away then u just gone. I don't run after bitches or give a damn no more. Especially not about the ones who humiliate---"

Ok, I was sorry! "I thought u were dead, I should tell them u were admitted under a false name, but I'm not."

False name? I was no longer Hazel Givens...what did she mean?

I was isolated from the rest of the mental health patients and had been undergoing treatment for Capras Delusion, I was seeing double. I had been tested to see if I had been administered LSD without knowledge. All kinds of thoughts occurred, he always gave me the pills. I would forget a lot of shit, and when I had last seen Trent I had forgotten where I was briefly. I had awaken, he was brushing my cheek with the back of his hand. I'd actually dreamed I was with Troy again. Didn't know what effect the nigga had on me but his face would be among the others. I had dreamed of Terrell once, it was vague. Trenton had stayed not as long as usual, but the visit was normal. He was telling me about how he was afraid I would hurt the children and that I suffered from Postpartum Depression. "U will get better, and we will go on with life like this never happened. I just need u to be strong for us." He rubbed my belly, gave me Subway and left saying he was looking for a new babysitter. I was so confused, nothing seemed out of the ordinary that evening.

The escape plan was suitable but where would I go? How would I get home? I demanded an explanation for Trents absence, it taunted me not knowing. Angela left out saying she would be back. I waited. I missed my children so much, I had asked Trent not to bring them, I hadn't wanted them to see me at my lowest. I would see all the murders, the bodies, their blood and realized I hadn't taken a life while I was pregnant with Trenton's children. I had been through so much and he had saved me, I was adamant he would not leave. Angela came back 4 days later. She had had shifts at another facility, but she returned. I knew she had contemplated, but if she helped me I would bless her tremendously.

When she rolled the wheelchair in I was in a hospital gown. I had looked for my clothes and became suspicious, the sweats I had worn were gone, but my shoes remained. Had Trenton taken them? I saw pajamas but they were too small. I needed clothes but didn't care, I would escape naked if necessary, I'm sure it wasn't uncommon. I could walk down Kings Highway, I remembered a mall being a few blocks away, but not with my ass showing, they would immediately call the psych ward.

I hadn't recognized most of the staff, they were mostly new but Angela hung on to the two jobs she had like employment was scarce. I had been omitting the meds, I hadn't known which one to spit out so I didn't ingest any. I recognized the iron pill, but wouldn't even take that one. The doses would come twice a day. Trenton had immediately cut off my armband so he had done me a favor. He had done as much as he could so I wouldn't feel hospitalized and said I shouldn't have to look at the band. He hadn't thrown it away but put it inside of my property bag that sat on the closet floor. I knew I couldn't take it if I was escaping so I looked inside for necessities and found the armband that said Jennifer Myers. They had only addressed me by Mrs. Myers, and I hadn't known what name I was hospitalized in. The shit kept getting stranger and stranger, I knew I needed to find my children. Trenton had done all of the paperwork, I was so medicated, I only remembered arriving, the therapist had met us there. From then on my memory had lapsed, I couldn't recollect much. The pills I were on never had had that effect so I contributed the memory lapse to the pregnancy and disregarded the thought of Trent switching my pills.

She had come inside, I was staring out of the window. I had just walked to the phone on the wall to call Daddy's number but decided against it, he wouldn't help me, he needed help his damn self. She called me by Jennifer sarcastically and told me to come on let's go out. I was ready, no clothes and still high as Coota Brown, but on a mission. We exited the elevator and outside to the main entrance. I hadn't had a plan and counted the steps down to flat ground. I spotted taxis and knew if I could make it down the steps I could hop inside and demand the driver to drive off quickly. I still hadn't had on any clothes, but three hospital gowns. When Angela walked away looking down at her phone I figured it was time. I unlocked the wheelchair and rolled down the first set of steps, but it seemed like when that set ended and I landed on the flat concrete and before the next steps the wheelchair sped up. I had control but the belt of the gown had wrapped around the wheel, however the chair would not stop, it was winding the gown belt as it rolled. I tried to stop the wheelchair before I made it to the bottom but it hit a concrete flower pot. By then I had attracted all attention, "She's pregnant! They yelled." I tried to get out of the wheelchair but the gown belt was intertwined with the wheel. I had on two more gowns, that one had been on backwards to cover my front. I heard bystanders yelling as I snatched off the gown and got up, I laid on the ground sideways in the wheelchair. People were coming to rescue me, I felt the scrape from the concrete on my ankle and leg. "She don't have on a wristband!"

"Im discharged," I mumbled. "Where are your clothes?" They asked.

Angela had disappeared. As the bystanders tried to authenticate my claim as if I would allow them to stop me, I tried to cover my belly, I didn't have on panties only tennis shoes and a two gowns. The third hung from the now upright wheelchair. While they discussed my current state I walked toward the cab, I heard the door when it locked. The driver had seen everything and watched my reaction as I reached for the locked door. I must have given him a look of death because he unlocked it apologetically. I got inside, while the people outside of the car tried to figure the shit out. I handed him 100 dollars, "Where to?" He asked after looking at the money. I didn't even know. I had lost my phone on the way down the steps and refused to get out to look for it. I couldn't remember my own address, only Keithville. Everything was different, but where I had lived was small, the area soon began to look familiar and I found my empty home. When I saw everything was gone, my children, my husband, my life, I wanted to lay down and die. He had taken my children. I screamed, I cried I thought about running out in front of the oncoming cars. I even thought maybe I had the wrong home. There was mail in the mailbox, but had only been post dated a week before. There were bills? We never received bills! He had said they were automatically paid! It was definitely my home. At that very moment I swore his child inside of me would not live. I had nothing, again, everything was gone. My soul was empty. I tried to recollect events leading up to the hospitalization, had he planned it all? Where the fuck was Christy? I had tried to call her, her phone had been disconnected as Trenton's had. I needed a clear mind, I could not figure anything out still partially doped up. I had been admitted under a false name, he had stopped coming and just had fallen off of the face of the earth! WITH MY BABIES! After TJ2 was born he had pretended to want another child! He asked for a daughter, hadn't he known I was fragile? Of everyone, he had harmed me the most and would definitely pay. He had come with the Postpartum bullshit and I had fallen for it, I vowed to brutalize that police ass nigga.

After my tantrum the driver honked, "Meter's runnin.'" I dried my tears and got back inside and instructed him to take me to a motel. I had no identification and when I went inside I saw the lady who had watched me buy the raisins, she was the receptionist. I was so weak I stumbled inside, gowns hanging, no drawers on, she rushed to the door and helped me sit. I told her I needed a room while she tried to be nosey and said I would pay her extra because I didn't have an ID. The most ghetto receptionist I had ever encountered but she helped. "U have to have an ID to get a room, but I will put it in my name." She gave me the keys and I struggled to climb the stairs. She had given me a blanket, and volunteered to help me up the stairwell. I was so hungry and could smell food coming from across the street but was too weak to make it, besides I didn't have on any clothes. Sabrina made me despise pizza but I ordered some. I needed to think, I sat in the tub with the shower on, I cried so hard. How could I have been so dumb! That was all I could think. I didn't have a car anymore I was just obsolete, I wondered if the marriage license was even real. I ate and dialed my daddy's number, it was still disconnected. If I had never needed anyone before I needed them now. Trent had always come to my rescue. He wouldn't rescue me again. I wondered about the Orchard and since it was out of season his trips would be limited. I decided to go back to Keithville and talk to the neighbors the next day. I called a cab and bought a prepaid cell phone, some t-shirts and tights. I wanted to cry when Mrs. Stinson recognized me, her daughter had gotten married at the Orchard. "Trenton just moved out, in the middle of the night! I had baked the banana bread and walked over to find the place empty! I thought u guys had moved back to Alexandria!"

Alexandria? He never mentioned Alexandria, I didn't even know where it was! "Haven't u called him?" She asked. Before I could answer she picked up her phone and went to his number. "Phone's disconnected," I said but she had pushed send on his contact and it rang. The automated voicemail soon picked up. I concluded it had to be an old number. I asked to use her phone before she walked to the patio to let the dog out. I knew I had to go the meter was running and I only had enough money left for two more nights at the Motel. I tried to memorize the number, it was impossible. I snapped a picture of it and left before she made it back to the living room. It was definitely not the number he had before I was hospitalized.

The next day I decided to call, I went to the Casino and called from a payphone, he answered. I could hear my children, a mixture of grief, betrayal, anger, remorse, humiliation and revenge overwhelmed me. I hung up. I fell against the phone booth, I knew if I could get inside of a hotel room I could end it all, I would jump. I could not live. Mama said I had even been an unwanted child, I was proof of a mishap. Robbed of innocence, I sought love and found heartache. I had genuinely loved them all, that had been my downfall, even Daddy. My child kicked from hunger, I could smell the buffet a few feet from where I stood. I had to eat before I ended it all. I walked past the cashier picked up a plate and headed to the food bars like I had paid. I heard someone say, "I knew u were pregnant, why didn't u know if u were faithful?"

The nigga who had let me over in traffic stood in front of me with a carving knife and a chef hat. I ignored him, "Not too friendly today? Remember me? Victor?"

"I remember u, I don't like people Victor, they rob u of sanity, they kill u over and over so I am the wrong target for your bullshit! I don't want to have your baby, I don't want your apples or fucking money! Fuck your brown eyes, and Yamaha! I don't want shit from u!"

"Well I got a line, do u want the free ham or not."

I slammed the plate down left the buffet and headed toward the escalator, fuck him and his damn ham. I needed to get to Alexandria, I could not call Angela, I didn't have her phone number. I could wait for her to get off, but my travel would be limited I was going broke. As I prepared to step on the top step to descend the escalator I heard the pay phone ring. I immediately turned around to make sure I wasn't tripping and raced to answer, it had been the one I had used. I picked it up but didn't say anything.

"Haze---I know, I just, I'm sorry." I listened for a woman in the background, the tears were streaming so fast, my voice was trapped, hearing his voice ripped me apart! He had taken my babies and he was fucking sorry? Not as sorry as he would be! "The kids are fine Baby, we miss u, it's hard. U wouldn't have understood but I will do anything to protect u, take care of my daughter, I will find u."

He hung up. I screamed and attracted attention before running down the escalator. Protect me? From who, from what?!! Why had he just left without warning? I needed answers and would not wait for him to find me I would find him, I wanted my children.