F-Bombs, The Fourth Kind, and Build-A-Saber

"Heat of the moment. Heat of the moment." Myra sang out loud.

"It's not Tuesday." stated Chikara.

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"It is."

"It's not."

"It friggin' is."

"Myra every planet has different cycles. Some planets have more or less days than other planets. Matter of fact, I don't even think we use days!"

"Ok fine...jeez. Not Tuesday."

"As long as we're on the same page."

"Yeah." she replied. "By the way, how are we getting out of this one?"

The two found themselves stuck on a tree after their landing into Christophsis failed miserably. They tried to jump out before crash landing but they hadn't fared any better. Christophsis was known for its dense forests that seemingly ran throughout the entire planet.

Chikara was hanging upside down, his leg was stuck in between two branches. He'd use his lightsaber to free himself but it fell somewhere on the way down. Myra was pretty much fine, but without proper usage of the Force she couldn't help in any way. Everything she had to do to help were beyond her capabilities. She needed the Force.

They'd come here after several months of training so that Myra could finally get her hands on a kyber crystal, the first step in making her own lightsaber. But right now that wasn't a concern. Right now they didn't even know where Ilmig was. All they could do was hope that he was alive and that he was looking for them. That or find a way down on their own. And it was a long way down.

"I don't wanna talk about it." he replied.

"'The winds aren't that strong there's nothing to worry about', is what you said."

"And?"

"Were the winds really nothing to worry about?"

"Yes...they were."

"Good. At least we're on the same page." The two suddenly became quiet.

"Hey, are books allowed one f-bomb like films before they're considered mature? Or are they, like, not allowed at all?" Myra asked.

"Pretty sure it works the same way. Why?"

"No reason. No reason."

"..."

"..."

"Fuck." Chikara blurted out.

"Oh you asshole! I was gonna use it wisely!" Myra complained.

"Shouldn't have brought it up then."

"You are the scum of the galaxy."

"Myra, it's just a word."

"Yeah. A word I can't use anymore because you decided to be a dick about it."

"Myra. Blood is rushing to my head and I think I'm about to faint. An f-bomb should be the least of your concerns, your master might die here today."

"Go for it I ain't stopping you." she pouted.

"You are unbelievable sometimes, it was just...a... word..." Chikara slurred his words.

"Chikara? Chikara?" she called him out. He had finally fainted. "See now this would've been one moment to f-bomb and now the opportunity is gone." she spoke to no one.

"Now how do I get out of this one?" she asked herself.

"Hey! Assholes!" someone called out.

Myra looked down and spotted Ilmig. He stood at the foot of the tree, waving and smiling.

"But of course, a deus ex machina. The only logical solution." she mumbled.

"Why aren't you down yet?!" Ilmig shouted.

"'Cause Chikara got stuck and lost his lightsaber!" she yelled back.

"I know I have it right here! Why didn't he use the Force to get you guys down?!"

"He got stuck upside down and blood was rushing to his head! He wouldn't be able to concentrate whether he wanted to or not!"

"Hey! I've got an idea! Hold on tight!"

"To what?! Wait, what's the idea?!" she yelled and saw him pull out his axe and switched it on.

"Don't you dare cut this tree down! Ilmig! Don't do it!"

"I got this under control, don't worry!"

"Of course I'm worried you son of a bitch!"

But it was pointless, Myra felt the tree shaking. Ilmig's axe had cut straight through the stump with ease and now the tree was beginning to fall.

"See? This would've been the perfect time for it if you hadn't blurted it out." she spoke to an unconscious Chikara.

Myra suddenly felt herself falling in one direction. She started heaving and wrapped her arms around the tree, closing her eyes in the process that way she didn't have to see the ground rapidly approaching.

"Ilmig if I die here I am haunting your ass! You hear me?! And not the 'move furniture around' kind I'm talking poltergeist level of haunting! I will go Amity up in this bitch!"

"Before you do that, just open your eyes." he told her.

Myra did as he ordered. She opened one eye first and the first thing she saw was Ilmig sideways, with a long grin across his face. She then looked down and found herself inches away from the ground.

"I hate you." she said and released a long sigh and was hyperventilating a little. "I hate you so much."

"I told you I had a plan, didn't I?"

"This was almost murder." she replied as she stood up. Her arms and legs were still shaking and she barely noticed the few tears in her eyes that had come out out of fear.

"You fell off a ship but falling from a tree scares you?"

"They're entirely different situations."

"Yeah you're more likely to die if you jump out of a ship several thousand meters higher than trees. With trees you might get away with a coma. Or paralysis. Survivable stuff."

"Ilmig I worry about you sometimes."

"Come on I've been through worse kid."

"Yeah. YOU. Till now the most dangerous situation I've been in was a bar room brawl. Which you started."

"I was teaching you how to fight."

"Teaching involves a class or an actual training room in which said teacher is usually involved in. Not throwing the padawan into a fight with a bunch of drunkards while you flirted with the bar maid." she complained.

"You don't understand, Myra."

"Enlighten me."

"It was all in the eyes."

"The eyes." she repeated.

"The way she looked at me. The deed was done before we even talked to each other."

"Ok I'm done with this conversation. Where's Chikara?"

"Somewhere over there." he pointed in a general direction.

"Did you throw him on the way down or something?"

"No... I'm just not that very good with the Force. I tried to catch both of you with it on your way down but I only caught you." he explained. "But I definitely slowed his descent."

"Great so we might be looking for a body."

"Why are you always so pessimistic? That like leads to the dark side doesn't it?"

"I'm not pessimistic, I'm a cynic. And it's hate, fear, anger, and suffering that lead to the dark side by the way."

"Huh. I thought it was just negative emotions in general."

"That factors in too. Maybe. I'm not sure. Chikara kinda sucks at explaining."

"Will both of you shut up and help me?" Chikara asked with a muffled voice.

"Christophsis. It's gained sentience." Ilmig joked.

"Help me up you idiots."

"We would if we knew where you were." Myra replied.

"Under the stupid tree."

"How are you not crushed? More importantly, how is your voice going through something so dense?" she asked.

"There is no time for a logical explanation just get me out of here."

"Where's our 'please'?" Ilmig asked.

"Yeah, where's that 'please'?" Myra chimed in.

"You guys are going to be the death of me."

"It's fine bro-ski we got you." Ilmig reassured as he began lifting the tree with his bare hands.

"Don't ever say that. Ever." Myra joined in to help.

"Lift with your back Myra. Your back." Ilmig ordered.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she strained.

"Exactly what it sounds like. With your back now!" he struggled.

"How did you even stop the free fall? Did you lift the tree with your back? Huh? Did you? DID YOU?!" Myra grew annoyed.

"I used the Force."

"Then why can't you use it again to lift this damn tree again?!" Chikara asked angrily.

"'Cause relying too much on the Force is for pussies." Ilmig replied.

"That's sexist." said Myra.

"Myra! Your back!" Ilmig ordered once more.

"I can't perform under pressure please stop putting me on the spot! And don't try to change the subject." she replied.

"Oh for fu--"

"Nuh-uh, Chikara used that one already." Myra warned.

"Seriously? The one time. Might as well leave him to get abducted by aliens." The two of them let go of the tree.

"We live in a galaxy far far away, what even counts as alien? Aren't us humans technically the aliens here? We're the odd ones out." Myra questioned.

"Yeah, but how often do you see someone who ISN'T human that's actually important?" Ilmig asked.

"That-that's a fair point actually."

"You two do know I'm still stuck under a tree right?" Chikara interrupted their conversation.

"Chikara we're leaving you here to get probed by aliens." Ilmig threatened.

"Straight to the fourth kind? Damn." Myra asked.

"No no, I'm pretty sure probing is the third kind."

"Pretty sure it's the fourth."

"Nah the fourth is when you turn up missing."

"Man how the hell do you turn up missing?"

"Nuh-uh. We are NOT having this conversation."

"Killjoy."

"The tree dammit!" Chikara yelled.

"Chill out, will you?" Myra and Ilmig said in unison.

"I got this." Ilmig stated.

He rubbed his hands together and grabbed the tree and started to lift it. Ilmig had a strained look on his face but he was making steady progress.

"Don't forget to breathe, Ilmig." Chikara reminded him.

Myra heard a long exhale coming out from his mouth, he really had forgotten to breathe. After a little while Ilmig had lifted the tree high enough that Myra spotted Chikara. He was in a mud puddle, almost completely sunken in. He probably fell in and was miraculously saved by it when the tree came down on him. Myra grabbed his hand and helped him get out and once he did Ilmig dropped the tree once more.

"Well, that was... very unpleasant. Would never do it again." said Chikara as he struggled to remove the mud on his robes.

Myra and Ilmig exchanged a glance and did their best to hold their laughter in.

"Okey dokey. Let's get a move on, kyber crystal isn't gonna find itself." Chikara began to walk in a general direction in the forest but Myra had no clue if he had any idea where he was going. Instead of questioning him she simply followed and so did Ilmig.

"So why didn't we go to Ilum for a crystal? You know, like normal Masters and Apprentices do." Myra questioned.

"Why does EVERYONE assume only Ilum has kyber crystals?" Chikara sounded disappointed and a little mad.

"Probably 'cause it's the only one that's ever been on screen, the rest are in the sacred texts. Almost no one reads those." explained Ilmig.

"Have you read them?" Myra asked him.

"Not once and I'm not about to start now." he said proudly.

"You really worry me, man." Myra said with pity.

"There are several dozen planets with crystals in them, Ilum just happens to have the biggest supply." Chikara explained.

"Still doesn't answer my question." Myra reminded him.

"We're in Christophsis because Ilmig and I may have done a bit of a naughty in Ilum a few years back."

"Oh yeah, forgot about that."

"You were drunk out of your mind."

"What exactly did you guys do?" Myra asked with worry, she wasn't even sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"A...uh, what do young people call it nowadays? A 'rave' I believe it was called. Either way, it got out of hand. A lot of uninvited guests were in said rave. We used the Force as a parlor trick. A missile may have been involved." Chikara's voice became a mumble every time everything he said got worse.

"So THAT'S why the avalanche started." Ilmig said excitedly.

"BOTH of you worry me." Myra sighed heavily. "So we're not at Ilum because you're not allowed to be there?"

"More or less, yeah." both men replied.

Myra sighed once again.

"Let's just get this crystal and get it over with." she said with defeat.

---

"So how was it in there?" Chikara sipped on his mug.

Both he and Ilmig were at the cave entrance sitting and enjoying the day as if they were on a picnic.

"I'm moody, I'm wet, it was dark in there, I'm bleeding from several parts in my body." Myra listed all her problems with a stern voice and even more angered look.

"Did you get the crystal though?" Ilmig asked with his mouth still full of food.

"Yes I got the crystal." she held out her hand revealing the kyber crystal.

"Groovy." said Chikara.

"Now all you gotta do is build the hilt." Ilmig reminded her.

"Oh come on! Let me rest." she complained. "Where did you guys even get the food from?"

"We found the ship. Salvaged what we could." Chikara took another sip from his mug. "Luckily, we saved the tools you need for your saber."

He signaled Ilmig to which he responded to by throwing a duffel bag at Myra.

"Don't I get food?" she asked.

"Eating will get you dreary. Can't have that while you work with dangerous tools." Ilmig smiled at her.

"You guys suck."

"And you swallow." Chikara said and casually drank whatever was left on his mug.

"Woah! What the hell man?"

"Gross dude!" both Myra and Ilmig complained.

"What?!" Chikara was confused. "You guys say stuff like that ALL the time."

"Our comments are more 'dude stop you can't say that' yours was more 'wtf man you got problems'." Ilmig explained. Chikara decided to give up on arguing with them.

"Myra just please go make your lightsaber." he ordered.

"Yes, sir." she said hesitantly and picked up the duffel bag.

"Careful not to burn your hand, wouldn't want to end up with a robotic one." Ilmig warned.

"Ha-effing-ha." Myra did a 180 and started to walk backwards. "See? It doesn't sound right."

"It was just a word Myra." Chikara sounded defeated. She turned around again and kept on walking until she was far from their line of sight.

"Searching for a kyber crystal, a trial is coming into contact with the dark side." Ilmig began to say.

"And?" Chikara questioned.

"What do you think she saw?"

"Who knows. But clearly she got through it, she seemed fine."

"For someone who claims to have 'woman's intuition' you sure can't tell when she's lying."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She was a con artist. Lying is what she's good at. Just because she seemed fine doesn't mean she IS fine." he sounded worried.

"Ilmig old friend, are you telling me you've been pretending you're just a musclehead?"

"Come on man I'm serious. She went through some shit in there."

"I know. I know." he assured him. They both stared in the direction she had just gone in and remained silent.

Unbeknownst to them, as they were in the outdoors waiting for Myra to return with lightsaber in hand, the Jedi had mobilized to Geonosis and partook in a large scale battle of a scale that had not been seen in millenia. Shortly thereafter, the Clone Wars began.