Chapter 5: new

Another one of my friends (lets call her kristen) is starting this new diet of pineapple and I just think thats shit because just eating that for days is not healthy so I told her:

Kristen you don't need to loose weight you look perfect the way you are and eating just that is going to get you sick and trust me is not pretty that your blood pressure is low, you are always cold, pale skin, always tired, getting bruises out of nowhere, the burn in your throat or even all the doctor appointments and visits to the hospital is not pretty at all.

She looked at me all worried and said:

How do you know all that? OMG, you did?

Did you?

And I just said: did what?

Thats the moment she realised I was sick I was expecting a hug from or "everything will be okay" or "you will survive this"

Instead she told me:

I don't recognize you anymore.

That right there, those five words broke me.

I was so embarrassed but mostly hurt. One of the people I thought care about me didn't, that broke my spirit.

And thought me that I should never tell someone ever again I'm done.

Later that same day Vanessa send me and snap and all her legs had awful bruises is was horrible. Of course when I asked she just said is nothing I'm okay dont worry about it. Lies. People keep lying to me and I'm tired she knows she can trust me. I have given everything for my friends, my health, mental health, life everything for taking their problems and trying to solve them because they can't. I never expect anything in return but you will think that if you give everything for someone they would do the same but they don't, so here I am sitting on my bathroom floor throwing food away and crying cause I don't know what to do.

Its already the night and today was awful I had a panic attack in the middle of the class, kill me please