Chapter 7: after 2

All this 2 week have not been good.

They actually suck.

My sister discovered I still have an eating disorder and guess what?

She didn't do anything, she ignored it. She pretended like if she didn't knew anything. I thought she loved me as a sister but I guess I was wrong.

In the other hand the only person I still trust is Noura and I think she wants to change school or change of country I pretend like I support her but it kills me when she says she wants to leave. I hate to see her suffer and thats why if she chooses to leave I'll support her no matter what i guess thats what best friends do.

My eating disorder is not good at all. Everything is getting out of hand and I feel like my emotions are like a storm and can't be calm, everything feels double and more.

I'm just tired all the time.

My friend vanessa is not getting any better either is noura and it kills me. I'm just a suicidal, anorexic girl telling them to eat and not kill themselves.

I just don't get it, I give all the love I have and nobody ever gives it back.

I just wished someone would love me.

Small poem:

Forgiving is so easy but forgetting is different.

I wanted to be so, so bad to be like them that I thought I needed to starve to be beautiful.

I thought I needed to starve to be beautiful.

The worse is that I still think like that.

The past me died drowning and fighting for herself and that last piece of her is here today standing with her last strength, making the best that she can trying so hard not to drown again.

I don't remember the past me, it's even funny because I try so hard to remember but I can't.

And I don't even know if I miss her, I just know she is not coming back.

My life changed, for good or for bad, because the moment I started starving for days is when you realise you've changed.

My mind is full of lost memories and bad feeling but damn I thought it was just for a diet. I said to myself back then, don't let it control you, you can do it. But I couldn't.

The real friends stayed and the other ones left, sadly the ONLY one that I trust is just the same as I am. Lost in the disorder. And it all happened because you forgive words but we never forget them.