Chapter 9: August

Everything is falling apart in me.

I can't get my shit together anymore. My head is killing me with thoughts. I cant stop binging and that kills me. My fat is gross. Tears keep on falling like the rain in September. How I wish I didn't got myself into this. But I did.

My weight went up 2 pounds, i was so mad about that that I engraved myself in my thigh the word fat with blades, maybe with that in my skin I'll never forget how fat I am.

School is still not better.

I lost a math test because I could think enough. I was to busy thinking on how to stop eating. I feel like if my friends hated me. My best friend is a little distant from me and she doesn't talk as much. She hates me probably, who wouldn't, Vanessa hates me too. They pretends like if I don't know their secrets. They pretend they don't know mine. I should have never told them. But i did. If I would've they wouldn't see me like if I was broken, I know I'm broken but please don't remind me all the time. Its like if they both going sides and be against me, it could be that or just my anxiety talking.

Home is not good either. My mom is to worried about me and treats me like broken and my sister just doesn't care. My dad is having a big trouble in his life and I'm just another burden on his back.

When did my life became my worst nightmare?

The only 2 good things about this days are:

First I know what career I want but probably I wont get accepted because I'm stupid and my life would just end, but I least I have the dream and my anxiety is the only thing keeping me alive these days.

Second, a girl on wattpad messaged me and she is really nice and the day she first talked to me was like a salvation, I was going to kill myself but I didn't because she told me that things get better.

Life is just learning to fall, even if you fall a million times you will get up and learn to walk all over again.

My life is not good at the moment but I can at least try to make others life better.