Chapter 15: june

June 22

It's been some time since I last wrote something.

Maybe it's because I'm not ready for accepting that things have changed, it's to painful.

My best friend, the very one thing that made me happy is leaving me, she just doesn't want to be around me anymore, it's okay for her, I mean if she doesn't want to stay I can't make her but I want an explanation. Why would she pretend to be one thing with me and another one with other people, why did she made me believe she was the sweetest person in the world when she wasn't. I still wish her the best, I want her to be the best because no matter how hard I try, for my eyes she will always be the best.

Another bad thing that happened is that my friend my cancer was just lying. Everything was a lie. It's unspeakable, it broke my heart when I realized the truth, a few weeks ago she told me she only had 6 months left but after a long talk that I don't have the time to write about I discovered it was all a lie. How could she? I let myself die everyday so she could smile and everything for a lie. Another thing that took a piece of my heart. It seems like if every week I keep losing a piece of me and I don't know how may I have left.

A positive thing about this past few weeks is that I

made a new friend, well she was already my friend but we got closer, let's call her anne. She thinks just like me, literally in all the things that are important we have the same point of view and that makes me really happy because every time and with I'm able of speaking non stop without my anxiety getting in the way or my self hate. When I'm with her I laugh and I can say things without her judging me. She is the first person I've known that told me she was proud of me for overcoming my disorder. The bad thing about it is that she is moving to Mexico in September because she is from there so she is going back home. I just hope we don't loose connection because she really means a lot to me and I don't want to loose her, I can actually be myself with her and I know she won't judge me.

Im my house things are not so good either, my big sisters small intestine failed so she is collapsing and I really don't want to loose her, it really breaks my heart whats happening to her. I really don't know what to do anymore I try so hard looking for a purpose everyday but it's getting really hard to breathe.