Chapter 19: may

I wish longer time had passed since it wrote again.

I am in so much pain. Its this horrible cliche that is killing me even though I don't want it to be. I don't like this new boy, I don't like Emma, I'm just in love with someone else, sadly that person will never love me back, Noura.

She says she does, that I'm the best person on Earth and that im dazzling, but she still likes other people. It's not like I've told her how I feel but I know its true because all I can do is think about her and the things she does hurt me or make me happy.

She's all I have so I can't tell her because that means I loose her as a friend. Maybe I should just pretend to like someone else.

My life is already built on lies so it doesn't affect me to have another one.

I think the quarantine is what's affecting me, I just eat way to much so I'm going to change that because I do not want to go to my start weight again.

I think the worse thing about all of this, is that I'm hurting Emma. I really don't want to because she is an amazing girl, but I just can't love her how she wants, and I'm sorry, I know someone will love her but someone isn't me.