Chapter 20: Regrets

I still remember the resolution I had before getting this far. "Whether I'm scared or note, I'll face them," something along those lines. Thinking back, I regret not making a plan. This time I did not wake up at 4 am to avoid those fiends, I mean classmates. But I froze the second I got to the hallway. In between the rattling lockers and their malicious laughs, I couldn't move.

My legs trembled as I slowly moved one foot before the other. Attempting to take in deep breaths, I choke on nothing. A few stares strayed towards me. The beat in my chest suddenly spiked. Taking my clenched hand, I force it to wave hello. Seeing it met another greeting, slight relief settled within my heart. With a less reluctant step, I finally arrive to the classroom.

"Everyone to you seats please," The teacher's voice echoed through the classroom. Despite that, it drowned within the senseless chatter of the class. Witnessing the oddly harmonious cacophony within the class, my feet dragged backwards. It was as if my body screamed "give up" as it shook. My head followed suit by remembering those fiends. Their words that always tormented me; the differences that always isolated me from them. But I've lived in those memories for too long. Fighting the fear that chained me, I take a reluctant step forward.

Forcing a smile, I wave hello, while making way towards my seat. Once in my seat, I fetch a book in my bag until I realized. The class is quiet. Far too quiet, almost as if somebody had died. Warily, I look up to find everyone staring at me. Reflexively, I hid behind the book I had in my hands. My heart beat savagely, searching for a way to break out of my chest. In the silence, a single clicking sound echoed. It grew closer and closer. Cold sweat piled behind my neck.

"Um, Yata, right? Hey, It's rare though, I barely see you even look at anyone. So are you feeling well today?" A soft voice broke the silence in the classroom. Whispers spread throughout the classroom. Peeking from behind the book, I see a small girl. Her golden curls tied into a bun, accompanied by her clear white skin. Her blue eyes peered at me, calmly.

Nervously, I nod, trying my best to keep a poker face. Although I don't think it's working. Letting out a small giggle, the girl opened her lips and continued.

"Well, class is about to start. My name is Lila, I hope we can talk a little more next time." Her rosy lips formed a smile as she left. Finally, I thought I would die. Either by drowning in my sweat or my heart pulling itself out. That aside, I talked to a classmate. Even if it barely classified as one. But a step forward is still a step forward. Regardless of how big.

The teacher could pull himself together and start the class. Although the whispering never stopped. Class continued regardless until the bell rang for recess.

***

"HAHAHA, a step forward is one way to put it." A thundering laugh swamped the roof. Jishi was laughing as I told him today's events so far. I instantly regret it, as I feared I would.

"You don't have to laugh so hard, you know. At least he is progressing while I'm stuck." Ray's voice resounded in a tired sigh. At least she is calmer than before. When she got here, she was furious. Her mother ignored her as she tried to bring baseball up to her. Not that she knows, but she was beet red as she ranted at us about it. Her hair flared just as much as she did. It was cute.

"You right," Jishi instantly kept quiet as he did not want to step in a landmine. Jishi and I tried to cheer her up after she told us. It didn't work. It scares her to lose out not only on the match, but on baseball. Awkward silence soon followed, only ever interrupted by Ray. As she slurped through her juice box.