Assault

*Trigger Warning*

In elementary school i started getting sexually assaulted and it lasted until about the end of middle school i dont remember the exact time it started or ended thats kinda fuzzy but i think it started about 5 grade and ended in 7. On the rare occasion i talk about it i tell people it lasted throughout middle school because i feel like with it starting when i was so young and it happening awhile ago i feel like i shouldn't be as scared as i am. It happened years ago i shouldn't still be scared. For the longest time i had blocked out those memories and everything was ok until my junior year my at the time boyfriend decided to not listen to me when i say no and he sexually assaulted me and if im being honest i feel like if my mom had come home from work when she did he would've actually raped me and after that all those past memories couldnt be block out anymore.  Now im scared and my anxiety goes crazy when i hear the vocie or am near the person who assaulted me back in elementary and middle school which is almost all the time because hes family. So im almost always scared and anxious.Then after the person assaulted me my junior year i broke up with him and all my friends begged me to get back with him cause he was a nice guy and he gave them money and they just felt like i had no reason to break up with him. They would call him over to the lunch table and i honestly would feel like i couldn't breath with him near me. Also one of my friends knew some one who was trying to date my ex and my friend told them what he did to me. The person trying to date my ex said that my ex mentioned what happened but they didnt believe it was true and said they didnt know me well enough to believe it. I just feel stupid for feeling so scared and feel like no ones gonna listen to what i have to say. im just thinking about all this because im in the car heading to the hospital to visit family and didnt wanna think about that so all this came to mind.

So i texted the person who wanted to date my ex and asked them what my ex said about me. Apparently my ex is telling people i broke up with him for no reason and he got sad. Hes also saying that he never pushed me into doing anything and he never manipulated me. I was covering my body and he forcefully removed my hands so he could take my clothes off me but yeah he a great guy and did nothing wrong