Growing Pains

"Could I really have, if I remember correctly you hold the title of my manager Jinn.", said Kai.

"I might be, but what I say can't possibly influence you that much, don't you remember how you still left for Japan", said Jinn.

"You're being immature.", said Kai as he narrowed his eyes further at the man across from him.

"Am I? Oh sorry, I didn't notice.", said Jinn and Kai suddenly stood, exiting the restaurant, he had had enough.

"Kai wait!", Jinn shouted as he ran after Kai who was powerwalking down the street. Catching up to Kai, Jinn grabbed his arm, "Okay, okay.", he panted letting go of Kai's arm.

Turning around Kai glared at Jinn, "What the fuck are you doing Jinn? Why do we keep going back and forth with each other when you have Richrd?!" Kai shouted, he was waiting for the point of all this, he needed an explanation.

Lowering his head, Jinn sighed, "Honestly Kai, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." said Jinn as he turned his back to Kai.

"…", not saying anything, Kai just stood there, hoping he would elaborate more.

"I have these moments where I'm upset the moment I see you and other times, I just want to be around you. Seeing you in the store that night was like a damn gunshot to the heart, I didn't think that I would ever see you again.", said Jinn as he turned around. "You just show up again in town, and I am just as dumbfounded as I was the day you left. I find out you had kept that fucking necklace that I was sure you were gonna throw away and then you lie to me about why you kept it. You get drunk at the Christmas party and you confess to the real reason you left me, not to mention, you admit to still fucking loving me!" Jinn raised his voice.

"…", lowering his head Kai said nothing, what could he say?

"I knew that you were gonna buckle when you sobered up that's why I cornered you, why can't you ever just tell me how the fuck you feel?" Jinn shouted as he balled his fist walking back and forth.

"You've moved on, just let it go", Kai said softly.

"I'm sorry what? I didn't hear you Kai, did you just fucking tell me to let it go?", Jinn laughed hysterically, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "It was a goodbye kiss you say Kai, do you really think that I kissed you with the intention of telling you goodbye? Am I a damn joke to you?" said Jinn as he walked back over positioning himself quite close, but Kai simply glared at him, like a child that was being scolded.

"So now you having nothing to say huh? Why'd you come back? Why'd you take the job? Why'd you even let me kiss you and why did you agree to come with me today because at this point, I am damn confused.", said Jinn angrily.

"I don't know.", Kai said softly.

"Oh bullshit Kai, did you think that you were gonna come back here and we were gonna just carry on happily because I said I would be here when you got back?"

"That isn't fair, I never asked you to wait for me and you are the one who disappeared, not me!", Kai raised his voice as Jinn had finally struck a nerve.

"You're damn right I did!" Jinn shouted, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Talking to you every day felt like a game, like we were just pretending things were fine and we hadn't just broken up! I wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to feel what I felt Kai!", Jinn continued to shout with tears in his eyes.

As Kai blinked a couple times, tears began to stream down his face as he nodded over and over. "I felt it. Dammit, I still feel it! I will quit, I will go back to Japan, just stop punishing me!", Kai shouted as the pain his stomach intensified. Staring at the pained look on Kai's face, Jinn instantly regretted what he said. Jinn had always thought about the day he would let Kai have it, but it never ended in him saying such hurtful things, just what was wrong with him?

"You've always said whatever you wanted when you were angry with me, but I could never bring myself to do it, and now that I have, I am sorry.", said Jinn as he walked closer, but Kai backed up.

"Don't be sorry, I deserve it.", said Kai as his brows twitched from the pain in his gut. Continuing to walk closer, Jinn ignored Kai's wishes, wrapping his arms around him.

"You don't deserve to be hurt on purpose Kai.", Jinn said softly, but suddenly Kai's knees buckled and his eyes rolled to the top of his head as he collapsed.

"Kai, Kai! My God, he's burning up!", Jinn shouted as he pulled out his phone, quickly unlocking it and calling an ambulance.

Hour's later, Jinn sat on the bedside in Kai's hospital room as he watched him sleep. Biting his lip, the poor man anxiously tapped his foot over and over as what the doctor said kept playing over and over in his mind.

***

"Luckily he got here when he did, any later and his appendix could have ruptured. Had he complained about any stomach pains lately?" asked the doctor.

"He mentioned his stomach was feeling weird here and there, but it didn't seem serious.", Jinn responded.

"I see, but in his current state, he must have been suffering for days without making it a big deal, but I understand, men never want you to worry about them.", the doctor chuckled. "We have given Mr. Pak some antibiotics, morphine and something to help him sleep through the pain while we prep the surgery room, I will return shortly.", said the doctor nodding to Jinn as he left,

***

As the flashback ended Jinn's eyes watered, here he was hell bent on making sure he said what was on his mind and once again Kai was the one suffering alone. "Dammit!", Jinn cursed under his breath and suddenly Saya walked in.

"Ugh my poor baby, I'm here now, you can go.", said Saya sitting down not paying much attention to Jinn.

"I'm not leaving.", said Jinn as he glared at Saya.

Looking up, Saya raised a brow, "Thank you for calling an ambulance, but I am here now. I am his emergency contact, so you no longer have a reason to be here!", Saya said firmly, but softly as she minded her hospital manners.

Knitting his brows closer together, Jinn's lip twitched. Saya was right, he didn't have a reason to be here did he?

"Look Jinn, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but go home to your man. Kai will be fine; I'll be here when he wakes up from surgery.", Saya urged Jinn to leave. Lowering his head, Jinn relaxed his face letting out a deep exhale.

"Will you at least let me know how he is doing? Kai's phone is in that plastic bag with the rest of his things, he has my number.", said Jinn.

"Mn.", Saya nodded as she looked at Kai, a worried look on her face, she was most likely not going to contact Jinn, why would she? Letting out a sigh, Jinn took one last glance at Kai before exiting the room.

At home Jinn relaxed on his couch as he and Richard had a planned movie night, only Jinn was not watching as he blankly stared at the screen.

"Did you see that? This guy is so stupid babe.", Said Richard as he giggled, but he soon noticed that Jinn didn't respond. "Babe…babe!", Richard raised his voice, bringing Jinn back to reality.

"Huh?", said Jinn as he had been startled.

Pausing the movie, Richard sat up, "Jinn what is going on, there's obviously something on your mind, but you've not been willing to share it with me. I've been trying to give you time, but I can't take it anymore!" Richard raised his voice.

As Jinn stared at Richard, his piercing blue eyes began to water, "I..I..", Jinn stuttered. He didn't know how to say what he wanted to say to Richard because he truly loved him, and he didn't want to hurt the guy who had been there for him for the last five months. It hadn't been long, but Richard filled the void when Jinn was lonely. Richard held him when he wanted to be held and most of all, Richard hadn't tried to run out on him whenever things got tough so why? Why was it that Jinn couldn't just be satisfied with what they had created these last few months?

"You want to break up with me, don't you?", said Richard with tears in his eyes. Closing his eyes, Jinn wrapped his arms around Richard.

"It would be wrong of me to hold onto you when I can not give you all of me.", said Jinn, his voice shaky.

"What can I do?" Richard pleaded, as he wrapped his arms around the man holding him back.

Letting out a sigh, Jinn buried his head in the nape of Richard's neck, "there is nothing that you can do, it is just something that I need to deal with."

Pushing Jinn away, Richard stood up as tears streamed down his face, "I don't accept this!", he shouted. "There's someone else isn't there? That's why you have been distant!" Not saying anything, Jinn lowered his head feeling nothing, but shame. "So, it is someone else? You cheating bastard!", Richard yelled as he made his way toward the door, but Jinn grabbed his arm.

"I swear to you it is not like that, someone I use to know has reappeared in my life. I love you, but...but.", Jinn stuttered as he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud in front of Richard.

"You still love him.", said Richard, finishing the sentence that he was sure Jinn wanted to say. "Is it the one that you said had left for Japan a year ago?"

"…", Jinn nodded.

"I will give you some space because it seems like you need it, however I am not a flight risk like him! I will not give up on you so easily!", said Richard firmly as he walked up to Jinn, giving him a kiss on the cheek and a hug before exiting the apartment.

After Richard had left, Jinn was left alone in his apartment with nothing, but his thoughts. He wondered how Kai was doing and he wandered how Richard was really feeling, it couldn't have been easy to hear that your boyfriend still loved another. Not allowing himself to wallow any longer, Jinn went to his room to change into work out clothes and made his way to the gym, it was the only thing that would quiet his mind at a time like this.