Same old mistake

I never knew I would fall for him after everything he had done. I'd never knew feelings would spark. I never knew that this would lead to everything I've never wanted.

I never knew he had a relationship with Mia. But that didn't matter to me. Even I had relationships with many boys around. Starting with my classmate Ray. Then I had a crush on a senior. Marcus, he was brilliant, extraordinary brilliant. And I loved everything he said. I liked talking with him and most of the time I spent talking with him. It was kind of good until I fell in love. And when I confessed my love for him, he just rejected me with so many abuses. I felt fucking bad but I was glad that it was over. But then the part I thought that was gonna be like a fairytale was a tale in the demon's book.

I don't know if I love him or not. But I know he makes me kind of sad sometimes. But sometimes I wonder if he makes me happy? He doesn't, he hurts me but my mind's too foggy with everything.

Miles: I love you and you know that babe.

Me: Oh Miles. I love you too.

But do I? Why did I tell him that? I shouldn't have. It's hard to keep up with his falling in love.

Miles: So you wanna meet somewhere?

I hesitated. I don't know what would happen if I meet him again.

Me: I don't know you tell me.

Miles: Okay let's meet.

I knew he would say it like this ugh. I'm so dumb.

Me: Yeah yeah, okay.

He said we would meet at the nearest coffee shop. I felt relieved. It was like a burden was kicked off.

Mum's not home. And it's only 2 pm. We decided to meet at 4. I was so bored that my mind went into thinking about this, everything. How I would've liked things to go to.

From the start, I wanted to have a secret relationship. Like just a secret love song. Where two people will fall in love and talk secretly, walk secretly, laugh secretly and yeah make out secretly. But afterwards, it wasn't secret anymore. I thought about why it wasn't a secret. Why couldn't we keep this as our secret? Maybe he wanted all of everyone to know about us, how happy we are. Yeah, that quite be the reason.

I went there at 4 p.m. and he wasn't there. I took a seat and ordered my favourite hot chocolate. And then he entered with Lara. I was shocked for some reason.

"Hey, Lara and Miles.!"

"Hey Sam.. and congrats on your 3 months." And she winked.

"Umm, so Lara told you first. Happy 3 months anniversary baby."

He wrapped his arms around me and tried to kiss me. But this time I pushed him away and shushed him. I whispered,

"And it's a public place to kiss me."

"Oh come on. I can kiss you anywhere." It's like he owns the entire world.

"Thought Lara might help me find girly things. That's why I picked her up to help me. And then she insisted that she'll also come with me to our 'not so secret' date."

And then he gave me a packet. I opened it and found a ring. This is the first time actually, in my relationships somebody bought or to be more specific gifted me something. I was happy. Even if it was coming from him. I was happy.

"It has a heart on it. I love it, Miles."

"Give me your hand." I was like ahh you can't kiss my hand too.

"You couldn't kiss me that's why you are going to kiss my hand. Well, that's not going to happen."

"Come on don't be silly."

Then he held my hand in his and took out the ring. And then he put the ring in my finger. It was shining and was damn beautiful. It had a heart curved and a heart-shaped stone. And then he put his mouth closer to mine.

"I love you, baby. I love you a lot."

"I love you too. And thanks for this beautiful presents." I just blurted this out! The wait was I won over by him because of this petty gift? I don't know. Maybe. But whatever it was it sparked something.

Then we talked about what they found else in the shop. Lara told me he chooses a little girly thing. And I giggled at that. Miles laughed and said,

"You know you're like a baby. Like a really small baby."

I laughed, "Oh really Miles?"

Lara said, "Well you are a baby in every way."

I laughed at Lara. But surely I was a baby. Because I am the youngest in my class. Well most probably everyone in my age studies in 8th grade, where I'm in 9th. That's why I felt a little bit proud of myself. But that ain't good though. Because it's a lot of burdens to carry.

And then we walked to my house. Lara left earlier so we were left alone. Only him and I. When we were walking we came to the building where we had our first kiss, well first actual kiss and where I hated everything about it. Then he told me that his heart was still broken and I need to fix it. But I rejected it. It was getting dark and I needed to be home. Because mom and dad were at work and my little sister was home, all alone. That's why I bade him goodbye and walked in.

"You are gonna pay for leaving me alone." He shouted and I didn't care. I actually didn't know that these words would take a toll on me.

"Next time. Now I really gotta go."

And I walked in. He left after some time. Then I rested for hours and studied with my little sister. She is actually a sweetheart. A real sweetheart. Though she's the most mischievous sister. But she always listens to me and has my back.

We were just sitting in the living room and watching TV. She whispered to me,

"Someone is in love." I jumped hearing her and giggled.

"Oh shut up Sara."

"I'm gonna tell mommy about your little secret relationship Samantha."

"Manners! No, you are not you little brat."

"Oh yes, I am. But if you give me something I can consider."

"All right choose what you like."

I went to my room and came back with a handful of KitKat and dairy milk. She became happy and promised not to tell anything. Though I knew she would never tell anything from the start it's just she's like this. I slapped her in her back. And she screamed that made me laugh.

At night, I was on Facebook trying to text him. Then he messaged me.

Miles: I'm not sorry about today.

Me: Oh come on. It's our third anniversary. Tell me something good.

Miles: And what am I suppose to tell?

Me: Miles I told you that I'll just kiss you later.

Miles: For sure later.

Me: What happened to you.?

Miles: I wanted to kiss you, to be close to you. But you never want that. You only want to go around giving your nude to everyone.

Me: What the fuck Miles! Is it supposed to be like this?

Miles: Fuck huh? Come on over I'll show you the fuck is this.

Me: Shut up, Miles.

Miles: Why should I? If Aiden wanted to fuck you, you'll go running to him.

Me: Oh yeah? Come over to the park.

***Offline***

And he went offline. I sneaked through the window and went out to the park. I knew I shouldn't have but I just couldn't sit there and watch him talk shit. When I reached there I saw him with Nick. I waved them over. After that Miles said sorry.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. You know I'm just afraid of losing you."

"Yeah? It's okay then." It isn't actually. It's just. You're unbelievable. I couldn't say that though.

"But as we are here you can at least kiss me. Nobody's watching."

I looked around and there was nobody. Still, I ran to sit on the swing. He came over and pushed the swing for me. I liked it. I could feel the wind. It felt beautiful.

He brought his face closer to mine and touched my cheeks with his nose. Then he came to the front of me and again did the same thing. This time he was doing it in my neck. I pushed him away. He smiled but then again came closer to me. This time our lips were millimetres away. He brushed his nose with mine and brought his mouth close to kiss me. I don't want to kiss I shouted in my brain. But my body was frozen because it was cold or because I wanted to kiss him? I never knew.

He then pressed his lips on my lips. And opened his mouth to kiss I did too, which I shouldn't have. He put his one arm on my neck and another on my hand and make me stand. I stood up but we were far away. Then he put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His other hand was going upwards from my neck to my hair. He was softly brushing my hair.

We were so into this moment, our moment that we forget about Nick. Unfortunately, he was making a video of this whole kissing. 'Stop him or it'll get leaked' I thought. But I believed in Miles and Nick that they won't ever do that. We went back to our houses. When I opened my phone I saw Miles had sent me the video. My mind was rushing with thoughts about all the things that happened with the previous video. It wasn't clear but this one. It's hell. I saw texts. Thousands of them I guess.

Talia: You are looking very older than your age. Look the way you kissed him. It felt like you guys were making out.

Me: No we weren't. It's just a kiss.

And we talked about how it was. Well after breaking up with me Robbie chose Mia. And I was happy for them. But Ray had access to Mia's account and saw the video. Then he gave the video to Simon, his best friend, and Talia's boyfriend. They both watched the video and gave it to some of our classmates. Well, I had a great relationship with them. So it didn't matter until Nick leaked the video. Then everyone in the school saw that. But at that time I was sound asleep. Not knowing what was happening. It's the same thing over again.

Tomorrow at school, when I went to school, I saw everyone staring. Again. Not the same thing. I sat on my sit to find papers flying around. I thought is it this much bad this time?

"You had a great night with Miles. Didn't he fuck you? Oh, I think he fingered you..!? Didn't you sleep with him? You both look like a sexy beast in the video. How is Miles in bed?"

I just wanted to cry out loud. But I couldn't. "Why? What have I done? We didn't do anything." My mind was racing over and over at yesterday night's kiss. We didn't do anything wrong. Then why they were talking like that. Why? I calmed myself and I knew Nick did that. I just let everything happened. Like a dumbass I sat there, I didn't fight. Maybe I just lost all my strength.

I just let them blame me and I took the blames. Why I didn't stop them I don't know. Maybe I was scared or broken or maybe I was just tired. Tired of everything.