45: The Queen's Pain

'Duchess Cassandra, your sister,'

"Are you certain?" Zairo asked after I answered his question

I understand if Zairo is contemplating in believing my words, I'm talking about his older sister after all.

'Yes, I saw it with my own two eyes, I was facing her but she couldn't see me because I blended into the mist.' I replied without any expectation that he would believe me

"I'll see what's happening." He said and I heaved a breath

She's pregnant, that's what the young prince had told me before and it's risky for a duchess of Arcadia to visit Astrae, their arch nemesis for millennia, especially at a time like this.

I went to the wall and opened the passageway, I gave my room one last glance before I left.

I still can't believe what had just happened.

Did Duchess Cassandra betray her own…

I shook my head because of the thought that had crossed my mind.

Why would she betray her brother? As far as I remember, they are closely knit; it's unlikely she'll turn her back from him, as it's far from possible.

Then, why is she in Astrae?

I ran down the stairs, I was about to continue when I remembered that there was something that I saw through my peripheral vision as I was descending the stairs.

I carefully walked back up and I saw the hallway, the same type of rocks light it, but the rocks are lit up even though I haven't touched any of them.

I carefully walked in the hallway and I recognized it as the passageway where I once overheard that Katrina's not my mother. It's the same passageway if I remember correctly.

I peeked into one of the holes and I saw Ezra but I almost gasped aloud when I saw her… kissing.

And the man?

It's not the Earl David Rondsten,

My, my, my, looks like the always prim and proper regal Lady Trinity Ezra is not as clean as everyone thinks.

I released a gust of cold mist from my palm the moment their backs faced my direction then I hid away from the hole.

"What was that?" That's Ezra's voice

"It doesn't matter," the man replied and I heard the sound of smacking lips

I decided not to eavesdrop anymore, I'd like to save my innocence from being tainted by their lustful relationship.

I headed to Katrina's chambers next, it was silent but I'm sure that she's not in Ezra's room as I had just been there… and I saw something I shouldn't have.

I peeked and I sighed when I saw her reading some documents.

I see, so this is what those knights have meant.

Mother – I mean, Katrina is still doing the duties of the Queen, Ezra is just a queen by title, but her mother is still fulfilling the duties she's supposed to take.

I looked away and continued walking, when I reached the passage leading to the Royal Library, I gently pressed the brick and the passageway opened. I went inside and darkness greeted my presence. The library is as dark as it had always been at night. No one, not even Katrina or Ezra comes by, not that I expect them to do so.

I breathe in the scent of the books and almost sneeze aloud when I accidentally inhaled dust. It had become dusty, no one must've been here hence, the maids no longer bother cleaning or dusting the place. The cold silence of the night seems to have served as my constant company nowadays.

I touched the shelves and I shook my head and sighed when I saw that my hand has taken dust. I touched the books next as I was walking, and as I was feeling the texture of the engraved calligraphy on the root of the hardbound books I noticed a thin book.

I stopped on my track and took out the thin book from the shelf of thick books. These books contain historical events that had occurred in Astrae and usually contain about thirty or even fifty chapters with pages not less than five hundred.

I should be aware as I've been punished before to read at least three of these historical books within a week as punishment for running outside the palace gates as an eight-year-old princess who had been announced as the crown princess.

I brought the book with me and I went back to the passageway and opened it again. As soon as the passageway opened, I stepped inside and brought the book into light and that's when I saw that it has a leather cover, so much unlike the books that have either metal or oak covers. I touched the cover and I stopped at the lower right corner where I noticed a name written. There wasn't a title in the cover but the author's name?

I read the name and I couldn't help but feel amused after reading the writer's name.

'Macaria Astrae'

Hmm… now, that's interesting.

Astrae… she may or may not be related to us in any way.

But for her to have a book written and kept in the Royal Library, this must've been something important… or contain something important at the very least.

I placed it inside my satchel and continued my journey, for one last time, I took a peek at Katrina's room and I feel my heart clench when I saw her standing in front of my father's portrait.

Did she… at the very least… love my father?

I can't understand her or even my father, I can't wrap my head around their reason on how they could marry for power, for political stability, it just… doesn't seem to be fair for me.

"Aristotle…"

My heart skipped a beat when I heard her broken voice while calling for my father's name.

Something was telling me that I… I might just get the answer I've been looking for…

It's wrong to eavesdrop, especially at someone else's intimate monologue but… but I want to know something.

She was just silent, she's holding a chalice at one hand while facing my father's portrait, she then turned her head and looked at their wedding… their official matrimony's portrait.

"You are unfair."

My brows furrowed after hearing what she had said.

I wanted to correct her.

Father is not and was never unfair! He's the most understanding and loving father to me, he understood that she always had to leave us to go to her daughter. Father kept her image clean in my mind. If it weren't for him… if it weren't for him…

I would've ran away the moment he died.

But, I didn't, because I promised father that I will never leave Mother behind, the way she would always be willing to do to me.

"You asked of me something that you knew would come to hurt me one way or another."

I stopped for a moment because of what she had said.

"It pains me to hear the poor child call me mother…" she chuckled softly

"When all I ever think of was how to get rid of her,"

I didn't feel the pain I felt when I first found out her plan anymore. I guess, the day I accepted that she wasn't my real mother, I accepted that she didn't love me the way she would love her own daughter. At some point, I came to realize that she's a mother, a mother who would do anything for her child.

"But that's why you asked me that, right?"

I became more curious…

What did father ask of Katrina? And why would father ask her to do something he knew would hurt her?

My father's not like that. He won't do anything to cause pain to other people.

"And yet, instead of repenting for my sin, I added another."

Sin? What sin did she commit?

The more I listen, the more intrigued and the more questions come to form in my mind.

"She has the same curse, oh I almost forgot that you prefer to call it a gift."

She's talking about the gift of cold. That's what she was talking about, right?

"I did everything to stop her learning it."

Because the moment I learned it…

"I didn't want her to feel guilty."

What? Why would I feel guilty?

"Because of her existence… she brought that cold storm that damaged Astrae."

I… I brought the c… cold storm?

Cold storm… does she mean… the storm that… that… she didn't mean the…

My legs felt weak, I ended up sitting on the ground, I can still hear her voice as I haven't covered the hole.

I… It wasn't the Guardian of the Sea… it was me…

It was me who damaged Astrae gravely thirteen years ago…

"And I didn't want you to know that… I still hate you for asking that wench's help."

Wench? What is she talking about?

"I was your Queen, Aristotle! I was your queen!" she began shouting so I stood up and looked into the hole again

Surprisingly, no knight dared to enter her chambers even if she shouted.

If they heard her scream, they would have entered immediately but it seems… as if… as if this… this is a common occurrence.

"I am your Queen but I felt inferior to a woman who's dressed in rags." There's pain and resentment laced in her voice but the emotion that controlled over was pain.

She's hurt.

"I was your Queen but I felt powerless against that woman."

"I am your Queen, your partner, your other half, but I wasn't enough to complete you."

"Do you even have the slightest idea how painful it must've been for me? To watch you hug a woman in front of me for saving Patrice?"

She called me… she called me Patrice?

"Ah, Patrice…" she muttered and I saw her shaking her head

She began walking to her bed, hence, I could no longer see her as it's already covered in thick cloth hanging from the posts.

"I hate hearing that name come out from your mouth…"