48: With You

I just want to mix into the mist after realizing what I had just said.

Just what was going on my mind that I had to tell Zairo that statement?

'Have you gone insane, Clymene Patrice Avery Mae?' I mentally scolded myself.

"Pam," Zairo took advantage of the moment I was stunned by the realization of what had just came out of my mind and held my hand

"Didn't… didn't you hear what I just said?" I asked while looking at him completely taken aback

"Who did you kill?" there was a certain emotion playing in his gaze that made me shiver

My heart began pounding hard because of the fear that began to creep into my system after realizing and recognizing what the certain emotion playing in his eyes is.

I don't want to lose Zairo. I don't want to lose him. My mind repeated like a mantra.

"Just leave me alone, please." I begged him

He gently held my cheek and my lips parted, why… why isn't he… why isn't he leaving? Shouldn't he be… shouldn't he be rushing out the door by now?

"Pam," he called in a gentle voice

"Please, tell me." He said gently and wiped my tears away

"I…" I trailed off and averted my gaze from his

"I killed…" I couldn't say it

I was choking on my own words and from holding back my tears.

"I… I killed… my… my birth… birth mother." I was stuttering because I couldn't bring myself to tell him

"Now let me go," I said and I was so ready to drift into my mist when he suddenly pulled me into a tight hug

"Let… let me go…" I began sobbing

I'm afraid of losing my only ally. I'm afraid of hurting Zairo. I don't want to lose him.

"Shh…" he caressed my hair

"I won't," he added and I began crying again

"Why… why won't you?" I looked at him and he looked at me seriously

"You're my queen, why would I abandon you?" he asked and I shook my head and bowed my head

"I don't deserve you…" I mumbled and I felt his hand on my chin

He lifted my chin up and made me look into his stormy gray eyes so I averted my gaze from his by looking down but he held my chin and tapped my cheek.

"Really now, says who, hmm?" he asked and I averted my gaze

"You're unbelievable." I shook my head and bowed my head but he lifted it up again

"Now, I want you to tell me what happened." He said and assisted me to sit on the bed

I sat on the bed, he's seated next to me so I averted my gaze just so I wouldn't meet his eyes. We're surrounded by the cold silence. I don't want to speak, I don't want to tell him what I found out after eavesdropping.

"Patrice," he called me but I remained silent

"Alright, I'll be downstairs if you want to talk." He said and I heard the bed creak when he stood up

From my peripheral vision, I watched as he opened the door and went out. He carefully went out of the door, I noticed him hesitating for a bit but then he closed the door after him.

Zairo had been my ally since I was a kid, he had always been caring and protective of me ever since we became friends, maybe… maybe he's just being considerate.

He's probably having thoughts now.

I sighed and fixed myself then I took the blanket and covered myself.

"Patrice," Someone – no – Zairo removed my blanket and pulled me to sit

"You haven't eaten yet?" he asked me with furrowed brows

"What are you talking about?' I asked him

"Get up," he said and held my arm

He pulled me up and I looked at him in surprise when he placed his hands on both of my arms.

"I don't care if you shout at me and shut yourself in, I'll let you." He said and I gulped when I saw the dominance blazing in his stormy grey eyes

"What… what is it?" I asked him and averted my gaze

"Patrice," he called me warningly

"Let me go." I sighed

"Let's go," he said

"Let go," I held his hand to remove it from mine

"Zairo,"

"Patrice,"

We both called each other warningly. His stormy grey eyes met mine and I held my ground by matching his warning gaze, none of us is willing to let go.

"Let's eat," what he did next took me by surprise

What the heck does he think he is doing?

He continued going down the stairs after exiting the room and wouldn't budge even after I hit his arm multiple times.

"Stop it, Pam," he said while avoiding his head from my hand

"Zairo, what are you doing?" I asked in disbelief as he continued to take the steps

"We'll be eating." He said

"Just eat if you're hungry, put me down." I said and hit his shoulder

"Don't move too much, Pam, we might fall." He said seriously

"Then just put me down!" I gritted my teeth while he just gave me an exasperated sigh

"When did I raise a wild tigress, huh?" he asked and my eyes widened

Wild tigress? Whom is he calling a wild tigress?

"Who are you calling a wild tigress, huh?" I asked and narrowed my eyes

He chuckled so I hit his shoulder.

How did… how did we end up like this?

Goodness, my emotions are in chaos right now. One moment I'm mad, the second I'm afraid and now I'm irritated at the antics of this silly grey-eyed prince – scratch that – king!

My emotions are totally running wild right now, I'm no longer sure how I'm going to rein it back to composure after everything has happened, especially now that my mind is also filled with several of thoughts and could be triggered to change at any moment.

He put me down on the chair the moment we reached the kitchen.

"You haven't been eating, have you?" he asked me with narrow eyes

"I was pre-occupied." I replied and averted my gaze

"Too pre-occupied to eat? You have to be messing with me, Patrice Avery Mae." He glared at me while putting his hands on his waist

"Why are you mad, I didn't do anything to you." I feign ignorance to the reason of his anger

"Patrice," he called me warningly

"I didn't do anything to you, Zairo," I crossed my arms

"Yes, you didn't do anything, you skipped meals." He said in a scolding tone

"I'm alright." I said and stood up and almost lost my balance

I used magic earlier and now it's taking a toll on me. I haven't eaten anything for the past days, hence, I'm low on strength now.

"See that?" he glared at me while assisting me to sit down

"I'm sorry," I lowered my pride

He won't let me off the hook for sure.

"For what?" I fought my urge to roll my eye when he crossed his arms while asking me using a formal tone

"For earlier, for wounding you," I said and he looked at me and showed his wrist

"This? This is nothing compared to the worry I felt after losing contact with you for days." He told me coldly

"Zai..." I called him but he scoffed

"Don't you act so innocent with me," he said and I rolled my eyes

"I'm going back to my room." I stood up but he was quicker to move and pushed me back to the chair

"Don't you dare," he warned with his threatening eyes while holding my shoulders to hold me in place

"Fine, just let go," I shook his hand off my shoulder

"Let's eat," he motioned the food on the table and pulled a chair for him to eat

"What is..." I trailed off and looked at him in confusion

I'm not familiar with this kind of food. It's rice but... but it's so soft so the point that it became soup and there's ginger and some cloves of garlic in it as well. For some reason it's slightly salty but the overall taste is quite bland.

"That's congee." He said

"Congee?" I asked confusedly

"You haven't eaten anything in the past days; your stomach might not be able to digest the usual food after not digesting food for the past days." He said

"Then, why are you insisting that I should eat?" I placed the spoon down

"Why? Because it's soft, it's comparable to the meal served to a young child apart from milk." He said

"Just eat it while it's still warm, it won't be as tasty otherwise." He said and I looked on the bowl of food served before me before looking at him again

"I'm not hung –" My eyes widened when he suddenly fed me using his spoon

"You need to regain your strength, Patrice, don't be stubborn." He said seriously

"Don't you have questions?" I asked him and began eating

"Will you answer it without asking me to leave after?" he asked and I couldn't answer

Can I do that? I guess… I guess I wouldn't have to once he found out. He'll leave for sure.

"Just eat, let's talk later." He said and I pursed my lips

I don't remember the last time Zairo and I had this kind of tension. I am used with the playful and happy-go-lucky prince version of him, now that I'm facing the serious monarch version of him, I can't help but feel quite… uncomfortable.

We ate in silence and after eating, Zairo took the bowls and brought it to the sink.

"Zai," I stood up and was about to help with the dishes when he glared at me so I went back to sitting on the chair.

I watched his back as he washed the dishes, he's wearing a simple white shirt and cotton pants, his clothes don't scream royalty but the way he stand and move screams dominance and authority even though he's just doing the dishes.

I bowed my head and sighed, when I heard the chair across me move I looked up and I saw Zairo sitting.

"I…" I trailed off again

"You don't have to tell me." I looked at him in surprise because of what he said

"I don't care about it now, if it means you'll have your inner peace then I won't ask." He said

"But, don't make me worried again, you hear me, Patrice?" he asked and I nodded

"You should rest." He said stood up

I stood up as well, I walked after him while bowing my head. I'm pondering whether I should tell him or not… but I came to realize that he had always been honest with me. He deserves my honesty… at the very least, no matter what the consequences may be.

"Do you…" I looked up and noticed that he stopped on his tracks

"Do you remember the story I told you before?" I asked after mustering all my courage

"What story?" he asked and turned to me

"The story… the one about Astrae's greatest downfall." I said and he looked at me seriously

"The one that happened thirteen years ago?" he asked and I nodded

"What about it?" he asked

"I was… I was behind it." I said and bowed my head

"Say who?" I looked at him in disbelief when he asked that nonchalantly

"Katrina? Trinity Ezra? Who?" he asked me

"I… I heard…" I stuttered

"She… she was intoxicated…" I answered

"So? Not all intoxicated people speak of the truth." He said

"But she was recollecting memories when I eavesdropped." I muttered

"You eavesdropped? You didn't see or read it in any history books?" he asked and I shook my head to answer his question

"Then how will you know if it's true?" he asked

"She…. was talking to herself." I answered unsurely

"You're not certain if it's a fact or not." He said and I nodded

"Patrice, don't take me lightly. I can stay no matter what, I can stay with you."