Pause

I was about to go to bed when I got the call. It was Randy and I can hear Catherine in the background. I knew even before he said hello. "No," was all I could muster before I broke down and dropped the phone in my bed. I could hear him talking on the other end but my whole body had numbed and I felt like I was drained of all my energy. I couldn't move. I know I need to go there now but I can't make myself move. A little while later, my mom came into my room. "Randy called, I'm so sorry Cassie." She sat beside my bed and hugged me.

"I need to go there and say goodbye mom. Can you take me please?" She nodded. She helped me get out of bed and I was glad she was there because my legs won't cooperate. When I stood up, my whole body shook that I had to sit back down again. "Take your time honey, I'll wake up Jason and drop her off at Grandma's before we go to the hospital. I'll be right back to help you."

"I'm okay, I just need a moment." I assured her. A few minutes after I was in the bathroom, I need a cold shower to wake up my system and replace the shock I am feeling. I was ready to go in ten minutes and found my mom and Jason downstairs and ready to go as well.

"I called my nurse friend who is attending to the Pattersons and asked if they can wait for you before they take Raiden away."

"Thanks mom. can you drop me off at the hospital first before you drop off Jason?"

"I'm going to the hospital," piped Jason, "I want to say goodbye to Raiden too."

"I guess were all going to the hospital then," She said.

When we got there, only Randy and Catherine was in the room. Catherine was sitting down and Randy was sitting on the side of the bed his hand over Raiden's. They were still sobbing quietly. I went beside Raiden and knelt beside the bed. "Why didn't you wait for me? I didn't even get to say goodbye." He looked so peaceful that I felt somewhat relieved that he won't be in pain anymore. "You didn't even tell me you were leaving me tonight. How can you go without saying goodbye." I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Jason put his arms around my shoulder. "It's okay Cassie, He's not hurting anymore. You can still say goodbye. He can still probably hear you." How can someone younger be so much braver than me. "Goodbye buddy, I will miss you." Jason told Raiden as he touched his arm. I took his hand in mine but gone was the warmth it always gave me. I thought about not being able to see those gorgeous hazel eyes anymore, his laugh, the flowers, everything. I slumped on the floor defeated. Why didn't he fight to be with me longer? Jason hugged me for comfort as everything around me seemed to vanish. Everything went dark and I felt like I was falling.

When I came to, I was on the couch in the hospital room. I looked around and saw my mom, Jason and the Pattersons sitting on the other seats. The bed where Raiden was is now empty. I sat up suddenly and felt a little dizzy. "Careful honey," My mom got up from her seat to approach me.

"What happened? Where's Raiden?" I asked confused.

"You passed out and they had to take Raiden while you were out cold."

"But I still need to talk to him and let him know I love him." I protested.

"He knows that, dear." Said Catherine. She has calmed down from earlier.

"Here, take this." My mom handed me a small cup with a pill. "It will help you calm down a bit."

I shook my head, "I'm okay mom, I don't need it. Thanks." It seems like I don't have anymore tears to shed but I feel a big lump in my chest right now and I feel like the air is being sucked out of my lungs. I slumped on the couch again staring at nothing.

"We're gonna go. We need to make the arrangements later this morning." Randy said as he stood up and helped Catherine as well. I looked at my watch and it's almost 2 am.

My mom went over to Catherine and hugged her. "If there's anything we can do, just give me a call. I can help too."

The Pattersons nodded. "We'll see you Alicia, try to get some rest too okay?" Randy said as he let go of Catherine and gave me a hug.

"I'll come over to the house later today to help Catherine with arrangements and other stuff." I said. I figured she will need someone to grieve with since they don't have anyone else nearby.

"You are more than welcome. I'll see you later, dear." She gave me a hug too. Tighter than any hugs she has given me this past year.

After they left, I asked my mom if we can stay in the room a bit longer. She and Jason sat down beside me and they both hugged me. I don't know how my mom got through life when my dad died. I'm not even married to Raiden and we've only been together for a short while compared to them and yet I am already hurting this much. Whatever strength she has, I will need a lot of it too in order to get through this. I know it's not the end of the world but it sure does feel like it and no, I am not being overly dramatic this time around. I think that if you have ever lost someone you truly love in your life, you can relate to how I feel. It hurts when you break up with someone but losing someone like this hurts more because you know that you will never ever see them again, nor hear their voice. You know that it really is the end and there's not gonna be any second chances.