5: LOVE - Where Are You?!

I am starting to believe that love is improbable; mostly due to its ambiguity. Real authentic love appears to have been socially diluted by lust, status/power, security, among other baseless vindications. Yet I'm one of few people left hopelessly waiting for someone  who is trusting and secure enough to give love a try.

I haven't dated alot of ladies, excuse me: women. When put in a situation where I have to choose, which occurred in all 4 relationships Ive ever been in — my future came first. But it was for good reason, or so I thought.

As I enter my last year of grad school, I find myself wanting to be in a relationship. Im ready to throw myself into a commitment outside of myself. I worked hard to obtain the stability that I have.

Ive never been impressed by money, status or titles and accolades. Im mostly drawn and captivated by a person's character, genuineness and treatment of others. Yet, most of the women my friends awkwardly introduce me to are self-absorbed, clingy/needy, lustful .. which is great for them. But Im not impressed by aesthetics nor do I want a woman whose willing to submerge herself in my world for security.

I want a woman who have something constructive going on or at least working toward procuring her dream. I want a woman who wants to be held while I whisper different reasons as to why I love her every night. And while I cant shield my future Mrs from all the woes of the world, Id like to be able to absorb a few of the blows that would dampen her spirit. I want a woman whose feisty and challenges my intellect.

Im quite simple for my generation. Maybe even a tad bit 'too' simple. Being a simple woman, means I don't readily appeal to the social gratification others do. I don't indulge, or partake in drama.. let alone breath life into negativity. I don't pair well with attention or any form of spotlight and I could care less about ever becoming 'famous' or 'popular'. I don't marvel at the idea of sending subliminal messages or posting a photo to spark a reaction or response, and I have no interest in portraying myself a certain way online for validation. (hence why I'm not active on ANY social media platforms) I don't want a whirlwind romance. I don't want something that blooms quickly or moves too fast.. its often temporary and short-lived.

I'm a lone-wolf and while my privacy is important to me there's only 4 people I truly trust with it. And, despite my introverted ways all 4 of them accept and respect my boundaries. So while, I've managed to find my forever family and friends. Where is my: 'forever love'? My soulmate? My human diary? My future wife? — I don't know. But in the meantime, I'll continue to work on building and securing our future, in hopes that one day she will grace me with her presence.