4: You’ve Become Too Toxic

I had such high hopes for us to become more than just brother & sister: I wanted us to be friends. But I've since come to realize that we will never be anything more than blood-related strangers. I've exhausted soo much time, energy and money into improving our relationship & yet I cant even get: a respond from a text or an answer to a phone call. You come to me when you need your rent paid, light bill paid, carnote paid, haircut, food, among other things. After being burned by you so many times.. I'm depleted. A relationship with you is filled with so much fraught and manipulation. While it took the family a while to accept my sexuality you still sully me with comments of me, "not having meet the 'right' guy yet" or use the fact that I've never been with a man as reason for my sexuality to be called into question. You're more of a foe than a relative and the hope I once had for us has diminished. For my successes to emasculate or threaten you speaks to your insecurity as a man. The loathing you have for me is derived from your insecurities not mine. We were raised in the same house ; with the same values and convictions. Yet we took away different life lessons. Our parents offered us the same opportunities; with favoritism or bias being on your side. You being the oldest AND the son afforded you more leniency ; while I was micromanaged and expected to fulfill the subservient role of womanhood. School was my way out. Having to be escorted by you to every party and outing to relieve our parents anxiety grew old. And with my going out being dependent on whether or not you were willing (or interested) to go out annoyed the crap out of me. So feeling rejected by you I managed to find brothers in my best friends: Justyn, the twins and T.C. ❤️🙏🏾🐐. They assumed the role you eagerly abdicated. They look out for me. They uplift and support me through everything. They never scrutinized me or my sexuality (and honestly they could careless about it).

And yet, despite all the recent BS.. I still wish you the best. I hope one day we can resolve our issues. But in the meantime I'm choosing to remove your negativity from my life. I'm not obligated to do anything for you .. I cant keep financially supporting you knowing that you're unappreciative and ungrateful of my efforts and sacrifices. So, see ya around, bro. Stay safe and be well.

"I love you & I let you go"

-Clay Jensen, 13RW - S2E13 (2018)

Respectfully,

Cole