Chapter 29

Ian's Pov

I'm eating lunch now while my legs are shaking I couldn't get the chance to get into the diary deeper because of nan's yelling at me for lunch, I don't want to eat lunch, I want this diary right now...i need to know everything the sentence i read is literally stuck on my mind...'I'm going to purge'

I stood up " Sorry Nan but I'm full" I said taking my plate to the dishwasher

"What? You didn't touch your plate Ian" She frowned

"I'll eat it later but I just need to study Nan if you need anything I'm in my room" I said acting completely normal then, when I disappeared from her sight, I ran panicking to my room, Closed the door, Snatched the diary off the desk and threw myself on the bed.

I inhaled a deep breath feeling the silky purple notebook that had Moon's name on the top left side then I opened it looking at the first page

»»————-Hello————-««

Dear,Diary

    In my whole entire life, I never thought i would make a diary, I've always thought that it's a silly thing to do.

Why talk to a paper ? While you can talk to people!!

But sadly I was wrong people are evil...

I don't know how this diary thing works but I'm gonna pretend that you miss diary are a person..my imaginary person

So I'm Moon and I'm a mess or shall I be accurate and say I'm being destroyed!!

Don't be curious cause I'm gonna tell you everything happened to me that made me come here, sit and talk to a piece of paper...

I'm losing my mind ugh!

»»————-　1　————-««

It's just the first page and I'm already tightening my fist then I looked at the second one and it has a label that says

»»————-　The begging 　————-««

       Dear Diary,

I know talking about something happened in the past won't change a thing but I wanted to write all the things I remember of how it all started so I can see how stupid I was

The first day of school...I'm that kinda of person who loves to make friends and communicate with everyone, In Canada, I used to do the same thing I was friendly with everyone, I'm not saying that I was popular but I was friendly and the people there were kind.

The first one I met in the school was Emily the one who I believed was my best friend, She introduced me to Ian which I think is the best thing she did to me.

I should have stopped there and don't try to fit in

But Jessica opened a way for me..Or shall I say Damien?? Because he's the one who told Jessica to come and talk to me

As pathetic as it sounds. I thought they wanted to be friends but no honey no they were searching for a weakness point, And Do I have the right to ask WHY??

What did I do?

And what hurts me the most that I didn't listen to Ian when he told me I shan't go.

I said earlier that I'm writing this to see how stupid I was, but that isn't the only reason the main reason I'm writing what happened is for someone who deserves to what know happened.

»»————-　2　————-««

I huffed predicting that "someone" is me but maybe I'm wrong, I started looking through the next pages

.....

It's 8:30 PM and I'm halfway through the diary and I'm halfway through losing my mind, I read about 10 pages, she wrote about the welcoming party and how Vicky knew her weakness point which was love and surprisingly Damien took her number that same day, she wrote about the party we attended together at Damien's house, she even wrote about the day Damien came to her house convincing her to hang out with him behind my back and how brainwashed she was when he confessed about loving her, she wrote about what Alex did in page 10, She basically wrote about everything I mostly know but it's her point of view...But what I didn't know is page 11, My name on the top captured my attention

»»————-Ian was right————-««

Dear Diary,

This page is gonna be interesting, I know you're confused as I was..Why would Alex try to rape me?

Why there are pictures?

Why Damien left me?

At the same day the pictures were leaked I couldn't help not digging in and know the answers to my questions

So I went to Damien's house

And I was shocked to my core, at first he was acting like he's broken and that I'm a cheater

He kept pushing me to the edge until I said exactly what they wanted to hear

"What do you want me to say, Damien? Do you want me to confess about something I didn't do, Is that what you want?...Ok, Damien, I forced myself on Alex and we were cheating on you I confess, happy now is that what you want to hear"

I was just defending myself but they were recording us and they cut my sentence to make it: Ok, Damien, I forced myself on Alex and we were cheating on you I confess.

They are evil

So I think you can imagine what is about to come they are basically blackmailing me

I HAVE TO DO WHAT THEY SAY OR I'M RUINED

And I did everything they asked me to

I skipped class to see them , I bullied students with them and I hate it I freaking hate it, they simply made me do the same thing that have happened to me...ruining lives, destroying personalities..

And I still did it,

To one: protect my parents,

Ian and his Nan...

And two to: know some weakness points

But things didn't stop here.

»»————-　11　————-««

Nan? What the f**k is she talking about?

What does she mean by things didn't stop here !!

I realized that the date on page 11 is the same date she climbed to my room so I guess all i'm gonna read is after her confess, I switched the page and my eyes fell on page 12 which has multiple dried tears stains on it

»»————- Damien ————-««

Dear diary,

Damien is always hungry, he is always hungry for watching people in pain he didn't get enough of breaking me down, drying my tears, lying, playing with my feelings, No he ended everything by selling me, he stole from me the thing that I should decide when and with who to lose it...

I think you kinda guessed it...

Yes, I'm no longer a virgin

My V card is Puff no longer here

Without my permission,

My pleasure,

Without me wanting..

Alexander tried to rape me before but tonight

They succeeded.

»»————-　12　————-««

I blinked twice absorbing the shock and i threw the diary furiously away "FU*k" I bawled

What the hell? What the hell did i just read? Moon got raped. I'm confused I'm literally confused right now. He f**king raped Moon. They destroyed her. They took everything from her even her virginity. I'm shocked why didn't she told me that. She had to get over it all alone by only writing a diary. I looked ah the diary turning the page to meet another one with dry tears on. Actually I'm not ready to know what is next

»»————-  How it all happened ————-««

So it all started when Damien texted me that they were throwing a birthday party for Alexander's birthday and He wanted me there and I with all respect declined it but he started threatening me that he's gonna send the records to my parents plus ruining my life even more

How?

Well I don't know what they're capable off

So I went to the party and from that day I wish I've died

I went to the party and saw Damien and waved at him signaling him that I'm here so he could stop blackmailing me and i sat the whole party on the couch doing nothing like nothing only watching people dance, scream, drink, and kiss strangers

In the end...Damien ended the party at four in the morning and I was going to leave then he ordered me to stay which I f**king did and I wish I ran

I sat on the same couch then Damien and Alexander stood in front of me.

Damien told me that it was Alexander's birthday....And he wanted me as the gift. It confuses me at first but when I looked at Alexander I saw lust in his eyes and with that creepy smile I understood everything

I tried to make a run for it but Alexander caught me by my waist. I tried to hit him, punch him but I just couldn't he wrapped don't know how one arm around my waist and the other holding my two hands in his one big hand.

This time they put something like a small cloth with a tight grip over my nose and mouth so like you know I fainted

I woke up on the bed naked like complete naked not even the blankets were over me. I panicked and felt this liquid, sticky thing on the back of my thigh and when I looked down it was blood. From that moment I knew I got raped and I knew it was Alexander

My virginity that I protected for 18 years, I lost it with force I lost it when I was unconscious. I've always wanted to lose it to the person I'm in love with. I didn't even felt anything no love no pleasure nothing. I got raped and no one even knows about it except Damien and the rapist

I guess when you have something precious and you're protecting it, sick people like them will try there best to ruin it

Since that day I realized that sometimes just thinking about something is enough to hurt you all over again,

Similar to Murder, rape is a reprehensible act that a body defiled. But rape victims are not like Murder victims they live and relive the event, worse yet he can never leave the scene of the crime,

I truly wish he killed me that day.

»»————- 13 ————-««

I froze in my place, eyes wide open, mind out of management, hand weak enough to hold the diary so I left it aside and i laid my back down on the bed, so fuc*ing close to a total breakdown right now.

Where was I when all of this was happening?

Where was I when Alexander was fuc*ing raping her?

I should have digged deeper, i should have stayed with her, i should have..i sho-

I couldn't help the tears falling and the anger on my chest I flipped on my stomach drowning my face into the pillow and screamed all the anger in me "F*CK"

I jumped off the bed while wiping my tears to search for my phone then i found it on the table, I snatched it and dialed moon's number...it's ringing but no answer, I tried again but still she's not answering

I huffed throwing the phone then I inhaled a deep breath having a moment of silent

Slowly I moved my gaze to the freaking purple diary at the edge of my bed, I don't wanna read the rest of it but everytime I remember her sentence about the purge makes me wanna go on, I couldn't resist and grabbed it

»»————-　The last thing 　————-««

Dear Diary,

This is the last and the recent thing happened that made me decide what i'm gonna do,

After I suffered for two days trying to act normal near my parents, trying to shush my sobbing sound when I'm alone, trying to wipe every tear comes down, trying my absolute hard not to call Ian and tell him everything they didn't leave me alone

They didn't fu*king leave me alone

What can you do again to destroy me?

Why would you want to do another horrible thing to me? Didn't you get enough?

After lunch I disappeared and went to my room, someone rang the bell and my mom opened the door but she didn't find anyone instead it was a box a black box with her name and my dad's name on, she obviously opened it,

And she found

1: My undergarments that has blood stain on from that day

2: My photos with Alexander plus a new naked photo for me I believe they took it that day and surprisingly Alexander's face is not shown

3: The recorder that has my fake confession

4: A note from Damien saying " I don't date cheaters I'm breaking up"

At the same time mom was opening the box I received a text from Jessica just saying "Enjoy the BB"

At that exact moment I didn't understand what BB meant until my bedroom door flew open followed by my furious/disappointing parents faces holding a Black Box.

And I'm sure you can imagine any scenario that could happed when parents found out that their lovely daughter is a slut and she let them down

But that day I couldn't hold anymore so I told them that these photos are fake and I was forced in all of that, I even cried my balls out but they didn't believe me so I stopped I don't know what happened but my tongue tied,

What am I fighting for?

I can't do this anymore.

»»————-　14　————-««

The last page.

»»————- The purge ————-««

     Dear Diary,

I decided after a lot of thinking that I'm going to purge.

I know this is insane but what isn't insane about my life?

I've always hated the purge and never ever thought I would join it one day, but i know what I'm going to do all that time I spent with those assholes made me learn so much about them and I've everything planned.

The purge is tomorrow at 7:00 pm

I have one day left

Today i have an exam and now actually I'm at school sitting alone in the cafeteria waiting for the bell to ring.

Today is my last day at being the weak one.

All of them are going to pay the same exact pain I did with same exact order everyone has his own plan

E.R

J.J

V.J

A.D

D.Y

So now all I have left is Ian, he needs to know the truth he deserves to know he is the only one who truly loved me as a friend and as a lover and sadly he was the one i hurt the most

I'm ashamed of myself,

Today I will figure out a way to give him the diary.

Hopefully he know what's in it at the right time.

All I know now that this is the end

Bye diary.

»»————-　15　————-««

.....