Chapter 7:

While John was going right, the voices appears again to interrupt him from his direction: "Turn left, turn left, turn left" faster and louder as usual that they made the man stops from taking the right directions, he tries as much as possible to not listen to them and do what his brain said but the pressure was so big, he put his hands on his ears even though, he couldn't stop the voices to get into his mind and control him. He's got a small concentration left, he use it to talk to his brain:

• "Brain help me, I can't focus on anything only choosing the left side, do something for god's sake.

• You have to control them John I can't help you in this, you are the only one who can make yourself out of this situation, be strong and don't listen to them.

• I can't focus on what you are saying, this voices are louder than you".

John tries to resist but that was for nothing, he ended by choosing the left side, it took him few seconds to back to his natural nature and focus on what happens, he realizes now that he chose the wrong way and says: "Oh my god, not again; I couldn't stop those voices from coming into me another time, your "might" was in its right place brain" He is waiting for an answer but there is nothing. "Brain? Brain? He lost the signal again I guess, I should now expect something bad, this doesn't make me feel good at all. Damn it, I guess I should keep walking I can't stay here forever; remember John whatever happens stay strong don't panic solve it and everything will be fine, you're just in your mind nothing is real it's just a group of sensations, you won't die here don't worry" He carries on walking trying to reassure himself that nothing bad will happen but is it the case? He keeps moving and looking to all the sides to see if anything shows or something goes wrong but for now there is nothing extraordinary, everything is normal and quiet but John doesn't like this calm, it's like the calm before the storm.

After a while, he begins to feel confident and nothing would happen when he sees something but the vision is not clear so he gets closer then he sees his father; John was surprised, shocked and happy to see his father after so long, he went toward him when he remembers what happened with him the last time he followed the person he saw, he didn't want to take the risk a second time because he stills remember the feeling he felt then very well; the man he sees doesn't move, doesn't talk, doesn't say anything, he just stays like a statue with his eyes widen; John begins to worry from the situation, he decided to talk but with a lower voice: " Dad? Is that you? Are you okay?" but everything stays quiet what makes John worries more, he gets closer to him to understand what's going on; in that moment his father fell onto his knees and behind him, John sees his mother with a knife in her hand stabbed his father, he doesn't believe what is happening and for a while he couldn't move or say anything from the shock, it took him seconds to talk, he shouts: "Dad?! Dad?! No, this can't happen" He rushes to him and grabs him between his hands; he turns to his mom and yells with tears falling:

• "Why did you do it you killer? What do you want from us? Isn't it enough for you that you left us and ruined our lives? Why did you come back? Why?

• I won't leave you in peace John, I'm going to ruin your life, I'll kill all those people you love, I'll make an end to all what interest you, in a resume I'll turn your life to a hell" she answers him with coldness.

• ( furious and cries) No need to make efforts for that because you already did it so congrats; when you left me a child and didn't turn to look behind you, when you never asked about me if I'm alive or dead, when you wasn't there when I needed you, when I had no one to talk too, when I wanted mom's affection, when I was afraid and wanted you to huge me and say : "Don't worry honey everything will be alright", when all of this happened and you weren't there made my life a hell, made me hate everything and everyone and every second from my life and you took the last reason why I'm alive for, the only person who was always with me and loved me all the time but I didn't treat him well, the someone who sacrificed his happiness for mine and didn't sleep nights to take care of me, the one who tried to make up the loss I had "a mom", he was a father and a mother in the same time and you...you took that precious person in seconds; you destroyed everything, you killed me from inside years ago and the only thing stayed is this body so why don't you come and take too? What are you waiting for?"

The woman's vision disappears; John lays his head to his father's body and cries, it passes a while to realise that his father is not between his hands anymore, he just disappears without John feels, John gets up and runs in all the directions to find his father even though his in a white and can't see any roads or ways, he just runs and calls his dad louder than he can.

• "John, are you okay?

• (Still crying and shocked) Am I okay? Have you seen what just happened there? Which part was that, brain?

• It was the part responsible of what you think and we can say what you believe too. You believe that your mom destroyed your life and your family and destroyed you, you keep the idea that she is the responsible of what you are now so you saw what you think and believe in.

• Am I wrong? Didn't she do all of that?

• I don't deny that she did a big mistake when she chose to leave but life doesn't stop on people's feeling or even on people's thoughts, you should carry on your life and move on or yet you'll miss a lot, you will know new people and new things, new passions; I know that nothing can replace the mom's love but at least it will be decreased so you don't get hurt too much. You are not giving yourself a chance John, you are not giving the world a chance, you are not giving your destiny a chance. Life will never wait for you to be ready, you should be ready for it and If you're waiting from it to be fair you'd better make this idea out of your mind because that will never ever happen, don't wait from life to give you what you deserve, go and get what you deserve from it; this is the logic.

He sits down and talks quietly:

• Were you there? I mean...did you see what happened?

• Yes I did, I tried to connect to you but as usual I couldn't.

• I felt my heart tearing apart, I thought I lost him, I've never got hurt before this way even when she left me".

Then the voices again: "I thought that I've been hurt before but no one's ever left me quite this sore..." He ignores the voices and resumes:

• "You can't imagine how was the feeling right there, I felt like my heart stopped beating, like the life stopped and nothing deserves to live for, I wanted to kill her with my hands to decrease my pain a little, it was really the worst nightmare I could ever have, you can't imagine how happy I am to find that it wasn't real.

• You don't look happy, your face shows clearly your feelings, you were never good at hiding your feelings, your eyes tell everything, the pain on your face resumes your experience over there.

• I'm really happy but I can't stop thinking about what happened, I can't ignore that feeling at all, it was the most powerful feeling I've ever got, I keep thinking if that really happens what will I do then? And what kills me more is that I didn't treat my father well even though I love him too much, I kept putting the blame on him that everything happened was his fault but it wasn't, he tried to be close to me but I pushed him away, I didn't let him the chance to help me; I'm really cruel, I'm kind of happy to be here and to have this experience because that made me realise how I was acting with my father and I didn't treat him as I should do, I didn't do even a tiny thing for him, all I was doing is adding pain to him; if anything happens to him before I meet him and apologize, I'll kill myself and I mean it, I'm really intolerable and what I did is unforgivable .

• I told you that you missed a lot but it's not time for regrets now, you should carry on and finish your trip to get back to him and apologize else you won't see him at all".

John gets up and walks again and his mind was thinking about all what happened, the situation he passed really hurt him that he can't take it out of his mind for a millisecond, what he did to his father in 19 years doesn't go from his mind, for 19 years since he was able to think and take decisions he was acting that way with his dad and didn't realize the graveness of the state, this really hurts him deeper than anything, no words can express the feeling, he is in deep of thoughts when he hears:

• "John? John? Do you hear me? Stop thinking about that and focus on what's next.

• Can anything be worse than what I did? I don't think so. Now I'm convinced that I'm worse than her; before, I thought she was the worst person in the world and no one can be worse than her but now...( crying) I'm really not a human, if it was a rock it wouldn't do that, his feelings will move even if he doesn't have but me...I'm his son from his blood, I was always putting blame on her for what I'm but it's not her fault, I was just hiding my flaws, I was a coward and I hurt people just to avoid getting hurt, I was having petty on me and I was thinking that I was poor but I found I'm the devil himself; you was right, there is no dangerous person than the one who doesn't have anything to lose. I'll never forgive myself for that".

• I won't say that it doesn't deserve to act this way but what happened happened you can't change your past, now you should focus on your future because it's the one you can change, it's the one you can draw with your own hands.

• Nothing is raising me moral at all, I don't have the desire to continue or to do anything, I just wish nothing of this happened, I wish I didn't exist, the world would be a better place without me.

• We're back again to your pessimism and your bullshits, I thought that you changed and you became a better person, a reasonable and optimistic one but I see that I'm wrong, I'm not going to start the lessons of moral again because you know what I will say so no need to repeat the same scenario again and again; now put your feelings in a side, take back your mind, focus and let's go".