Fucked

I grab a beer and stumble into a room

We're two friends of Star are making out

Cheerleader galore in here

I'm down I lock the door

There heads just look at me

I know the song in the background

It must be playing just for me

The lyrics are on repeat in my head

"I made a lot of mistakes

You've been there for the whole thing

Help me with the drama

Rapping in the car outside daily

We don't care if it's the winter

We don't care if its the summer

I remember writing raps with the curse words

I just wanna hear it

It seems like everybody does it

Did it for awhile wasn't into all the cussin'

Trying to find who I was

Being everything I wasn't

Real life yeah

Gotta lot of anger"

NF notepad

I wake up

There is two naked bitches on each arm

I climb up

Find my clothes get dressed walked out to the bathroom

I have hickeys all over my neck

Yup great

I walk out of the room

Star is standing there

"Well it looks like one of us had a great night"

She starts to fucking walk away from

Me

And i don't know if it my hormones but I grab her in the bathroom

"Stop Ash"

But I can't stop now

This snug dress with her sweater own

I pin her against the wall

I'm kissing her

Enjoying every taste

Because I know it's not going to last

She pushes me and touches her lips

"You can't do that you just fucked two girls

Friends of mine

I don't want your mouth near me"

But I move closer

But I'm blacking the bathroom door

" you can't just kiss me and expect me to crumble"

" but I see you crumbling cause when I kiss and touch you your whole body responded to me

You want me just as bad as I want you"

She is looking at me and then she is looking at the door she moves toward the door

But I block her and lift her on the counter

I pull her sweater off

I'm biting her neck

She is moaning in my ear

I bit harder

She is pulling me closer

I'm pulling at her dress

"Wh-wait" she pushes me back

"Please don't stop me my love

I need to taste you

I need to feel you I need to cum to you"

She starts to cry

"I can't do that with you if you wanted me you would of showed me you would of worked for me

But you didn't so I moved on

You should to"

I want to stop her

want to tell I'll do anything for her

But she is right I can't

I lost her

And I let her just go

Just like that

I come home walk upstairs

And I plop on my bed

That purple journal staring at me

I open to the middle

And she wrote

I love her

But I am lonely

I don't care how bad she treats me

It makes me feel alive

I don't want to tell her

I can't find the words

To say I am no longer living inside

Although I feel here

I can't place my heart to hers

I have to end my misery

I need to leave this earth

Because not even her love can save me

I close the book

And hide it in my drawer

I'm broken even more