Trashed Out Plans and Hurdles Along Our Ways

[ BECCA ]

Upon minutes of driving, we finally arrived at our destination. The hospital. I am feeling nervous about this because I know this is my first time to experience abortion. I'm afraid. I feel like there were a lot to think of and prepare before this, but I feel like there's no turning back now. We're already here.

We parked the car on a space near a tree for a shade and turned the engine off. I was waiting for Gina to come out but she stayed with me, silent. I didn't bother asking anything. I didn't move either. We stayed inside for a while like we're just feeling each other's heartbeat, waiting for anyone for an ice breaker.

Gina is not talking to me. I know I was a bitch a while ago, and it's just a projection. I guess I was just trying to hide my nervousness as I felt it like I shouldn't be here too soon. But I cannot tell Gina I want to quit. It will make me look like a loser, and I don't want that.

"Alright, we're here. I don't feel like I need to tell you, but.. Becca, you can definitely do this." Gina told me out of nowhere. It broke the silence and my heart felt what she said. Short but sweet. Involuntarily, I grabbed her right hand off the steering wheel and held it.

I smiled. I actually need those words.

"Thank you, for doing all of these for me, Gina. I cannot pay you well enough. And I'm so sorry I put you into this mess."

Gina had a crease on her forehead as I said those. "Mess? No, it's fine, Becca. This is not a mess. This is a situation. And everyone of us had been here. We had bad situations in our life and it's fine. This is just a phase. Don't stress yourself about it, okay?"

Her tone was very calm, and motivating. I love this girl so much.

"Thank you. I just feel like I am so afraid and dumb and --"

"Becca. Please, do not say that. We're going inside the hospital, and do what is planned. I will be here with you every step of the way."

When she said those words, I just nodded and didn't say anything.

"Right. But now, let's keep going." She added. I felt a tear came out of my eyes. I cannot say much. Gina is the only person I have right now and she is right, this is just a phase. Everything shall pass.

We both went out of the car simultaneously and walked our way to the hospital.

***

[ STEFANO ]

After doing all the pending workload of different forms and anecdotes from yesterday, I finally got into the last one.

I am hoping for an early out today so my son and I can have dinner together. It's been a long time since we had one and I missed hanging out with my son. Especially, that persona I met last night. It was like a punch of my father guts being awakened. What we had was deep. It gave me more meaning and delineation about myself. Of being a father.

It was so satisfying, almost like an award that I won. You know, it was a father and son moment and that was the first time in a very long while that I had it. I always wanted John to be that open to me. So, today I'm getting things started. I should probably arranged us some dinner together.

I took a pile of forms and arranged it directly on a folder. Everything else, I compiled them and checked whether they were from a new admitted patient or the previous ones we had here at the South Coast Medical Hospital. Here, working overtime everyday is a gain of money, yet a loss for socialization and building rapports and relationships. This profession is kind of making me feel less of a father to my son, as it seems. Obstetrics and Gynecology have been killing a lot of time for me; of studying and work practice. But as I always say, I pledged my life for this and I have to keep my oath.

As I was sitting on my office having the final pile of documents on my hands, a nurse came to me waiving a new form. Probably a new patient. "Dr. Stefano Gutierrez, a patient signed up for an abortion just now. Early weeks, MVA procedure."

I placed the documents on the left side of my table and stood up, going to prepare my equipment as I was exiting the floor. I grabbed everything I needed for the Manual Vacuum Aspiration procedure. As I knew I was ready, I hurriedly head to the operating room.

There were not as many patients compared yesterday as I skimmed and saw them at the waiting area. I'm feeling great about my plans today. There seems to be a fewer people and it's a nice call.

Right. I'm calling a family dinner, tonight.

I entered the operating room and put on my gear -- from my gloves to my gown, to my mask. And that, after I gave my assistant the signal that I'm ready, she called my next patient.

"Ms. Rebecca Tyler, at the operating room."

***

[ GINA ]

You know what they say about fears? you have to face it, or else it'll haunt you forever.

Here we are now entering the hospital and we're asking for some assistance at the information desk. This is just a sudden pinch to my heart; the fact that a baby, with still nothing ahead of him, will be aborted.. or killed.. or murdered.. without justice. I definitely would say that this is against human rights; like, I seriously would disagree with this process, but knowing what happened, and how it happened to Rebecca -- everything just made me feel that this is justice's own way of serving itself.

I let Rebecca talked to the information personnel by herself so that she could be oriented about everything she has to know. I let her face it.

Here in my country, abortion is legal. It is blatantly being performed in selected hospitals in both urban and rural areas. Although, there are still protesters who are campaigning to trash out or junk this implemented practice and to be honest, I used to be one of those activists. I always think of killings, in any form, as a crime. But last week, everything changed. I cannot believe I turned down what I believe in, in just a snap -- for this girl standing beside me.

My beliefs are changing due to these things coming to us. Change is inevitable.

Becca and I continued talking with the information desk personnel and asked some staff for assistance. The registrar asked us to fill out some forms for registry, filing and payment, and then we were asked to wait for our call at the waiting area. The information personnel accompanied us there.

As we sat down, both Becca and I were not talking. There was a very strange ambiance surrounding us both. It was an awkward silence but I have to act like Becca has nothing to worry about. We remained as cool as we should about this.

Everything were too deafening. The hallway steps; Becca's heartbeat; everything. It doesn't show to her facial expressions but Becca seems nervous. I can see her sweating in huge drips. She looks really bothered. But, I would rather not talk about what she's feeling about this. She seemed thinking about something else.

This might be an awakening for her. I will just wait for her to quit this abortion thing that she's up to. She still can if she thinks having this is too early.

Tilting my head from left to right, looking at the waiting area, I can see that here were not much patients today. I looked around and saw.. three people at the waiting area, to be exact. There's me, Becca, and another woman wearing a shoal. Is she getting an abortion, too? I bet not. This woman is on her fifties, I think. She has a scar on her face, almost half of it was covered as though she survived a third-degree burn. She is somehow looking at us, but returns her head back down every time I catch her.

"Ms. Rebecca Tyler, at the operating room."

I startled as we were called. That's the same nurse whom the information personnel was talking to a while ago. I guess she's the doctor's assistant nurse or something.. it shows in her uniform.

Becca and I stood up as we heard her name was called. I held her by the hand and gosh, it's the coldest that I held them in the long run. She's absolutely nervous about this and she's not yet ready. I know at the back of her mind she's thinking that maybe, this is a bad idea after all.

We entered the operating room and Becca is still silent. The doctor was standing on his back turned before us, wearing a face mask and gloves on. Becca is still quite shaking at this moment. I can feel her palms sweating cold, and the rhythm of her hands trembling. I am worried about this. Her lips are turning pale. We sat on a bench in front of a chair-like thing per se, where the abortion is being performed.

"Becca, do you need anything? Are you feeling well?"

Becca finally looked at me and smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. Definitely. I-- I mean, I'm good. I don't need anything from you."

It reminded me of how she was acting when she picked me up. Though, I did not bother talking back. She's not feeling good, I know. I just smiled at her, and she continued speaking as a weird feeling was conveyed. It was a sudden awkwardness that rushed down my spine as she said those.

"I--I'm so sorry. (sighs) Gosh, That was an utterance. I'm so sorry, Gina. look, I'm not feeling good about this. I feel sick to my stomach.. I feel like I am not ready yet.. but.."

As the time is running, Becca turns even more pale than she is.

"Umh, yeah? You - okay. We can still quit. We can still tell the doctor, or the information personnel that we're not doing this just yet. We can--"

"--no Gina. I know I'm not ready, but.. we're here already. I am not a quitter. I don't want to. We just--have to deal with this once and then we're done, right?"

I feel not so good about this. She's totally feeling and looking.. not okay.

"Gina, We're here. There's nothing to worry about." she added.

I made myself feel easy as she said those words. I just nodded. I cannot tell her anything against what she's thinking about and feeling about this situation because I don't want to set her off. I want her to feel better with my company.

The doctor already came to us after he made his tools assembled on a tool table. "Miss Rebecca Tyler.. will you please--"

As he called and saw Becca, the Doctor's face turned shocked. He shuddered and it showed.