Mate

"Now what?" Sam asks obviously upset with me.

"Carson." Mason prompts me.

"Hi Sam." I mumble. I look into her face. She just looks so hurt, angry, disappointed... she doesn't even know about Anna and she is hurt... what if I just want my mate. That's what happened with Anna. I wanted it to be true so badly... I cant do this! I can't go through this again!

"I'm sorry Mason... I just can't." I say and run out of the office to my house. I lock the doors and flop onto the couch.

If I start a relationship with her I'll hurt her. I'll mess it up. I mess everything up! It's no use. She'll get over me. She's  probably not really my mate anyway. She'll find her true mate. She's not mine... she'll never be mine. I cant hurt her like that.

I fall asleep on the couch.

"Get up Carson." Mason says waking me.

"I thought I locked the door." I respond not opening my eyes.

"And I don't care! Samantha kept Lacey up and she kept me up so now you're up. Training grounds now.

"Please Mason! Don't..." I stop when he gives me a confused look.

"Don't what? Everyone trains as Beta you are expected to attend and help train the men." He tells me.

"Oh... yea I'm up let's go." I jump up and run to the door when Mason grabs my shoulder.

"Carson, no one here is going to hurt you." He says. I give him a smile.

"I know Mason... now let's go! I actually like training." I turn to leave and he follows.

"Alright everyone!" Mason announces himself as we enter the group. "We'll start by sparing in human form! Gamma Thomas will be assessing your skill to see if he wants you for  his wariors. Beta Carson and I will be helping you improve in technique. Split into pairs and begin!"

I watch the men and women pair off until one pair catches my eye and I leave Mason's side.

"Try again." I tell the guy about to spar with Samantha. Her eyes shoot daggers at me.

"Are you planning to take his place?" She growls.

"No... we'll find a female for you to fight." I say.

"No Carson! If you can't do this!" She says gesturing between the two of us. "Than you cant do this." She points to where my hand is pulling the man away from her. I sigh.

"You're right." I say and her jaw drops as I release the guy. "Fight who you want." I walk away with clenched fists. I really don't like the idea of him touching her but she's right she's not mine.

"Jerk!" She yells after me then whispers "can't even stand up for your own mate... and I thought males were possessive."

She did this on purpose! She wanted me to stop her! Dang it woman!

"You done causing a scene Carson?" Mason asks trying not to laugh.

"Spar with me." I say to him in a growl. I need to let of some steam and I'll probably hurt anyone else here.

"Carson, I don't think that's a good idea... you know you won't win." He says. He just doesn't want to hurt me but right now I want him to.

"I know. Spar with me Mason." He sighs and nods.

"To the pin. I don't want this to get out of hand Carson." He tells me.

I take my stance as he removes his shirt. Most males do before a fight. I don't think displaying the scars that now cover my body would be a good idea. We begin to move around each other looking for weaknesses. I see none and he isn't lunging at me so I decide to make a move. I run at him throwing a weak punch to get him to dodge and spin around full force elbowing him in the ear.

"Crap Carson! You're not pulling punches!" Mason says holding his ear. He smiles as he gets ready to fight. "This could be fun!"

He lunges forward with a quick fist to my jaw. I fly backwards but quickly find my feet and spit out some blood. I smile and charge at him landing a few blows before a punch in the chest causes me to crash into a few sparing pairs. I get up and face him his lip bloody and a few bruises already started. At this point everyone has stopped to watch us. I can feel my wolf longing to take over the fight. I push him down. This is just supposed to let off steam not cause to much damage.

Mason tackles me in an attempt to pin but I'm not done yet. I accept the hit and roll backwards as I impact the ground and use my legs and his momentum to throw him. When he gets back on his feet I hear him growl. His eyes are darkening telling me I just ticked off his wolf. Alphas are prideful and incredibly strong that's why they rarely fight their pack mates. It ends bloody. I smile and alow my wolf some control. This just got fun! I return his growl and charge.

Our friendly sparing match got really bloody really quickly. Mason's wolf wanted to inflict damage not pin me and I just wanted to fight. We continue to fight causing immense damage to both of our bodies.

"Mason!" The Luns's voice stops him dead. His eyes go back to normal and he looks to his mate. My gaze follows his and next Lacey I see Samantha. Incredibly worried and angry. I guess she went to get Lacey. "Stop this now!"

"Lacey..." he says gaining control of himself. "Carson I'm sorry..."

"No! Don't stop him! Come on Mason! We're not done yet!" I yell. This is nothing! I've gotten worse many times.

"We are." He says walking towards his mate.

"No! You can't..."

"Carson." Sam puts a hand on my shoulder. When she walked around to get to me I don't know.

"No! I..."

"Come... let's get you cleaned up." She says pulling me away. She drags me to the infirmary without a word.

"I don't need help... I can take care of it myself... Mason wouldn't hurt me. It's not that bad." I tell her trying to leave.

"Sit on that bed or I'll strap you to it!" Sam yells pushing my chest. I growl but comply grumbling as she removes my shirt she gasps. "Carson!" She says running her hand across my misshapen  flesh. "What happened?"

"Hello Beta I'm Doctor Frasier. Let's get you patched up." The doctor says allowing me not to answer. "Your ribs are broken and your face ain't pretty."

"My face will be fine by the end of the day and the ribs by morning. Thank you for your consultation Doc but I'm good." I tell him.

"Beta I don't care what rank you are or that you have Alpha blood! In here I'm the Alpha. Sit back down and let me bandage you up so you can function until they heal!" The doc orders.

"I'll function fine! It's not the first time and honestly it's not that bad." I argue.

"Sit down Carson." Mason orders as he walks in to get checked out himself.

"Yes sir." I grumble taking a seat. The doc fixes me up then goes over to Mason after telling me not to move.

"Why would you do that to him!" Lacey yells storming in.

"What?" I give her a surprised look. Mason is fine and he agreed to the sparing.

"You set him off. He has trouble with his anger and you aren't helping!" She  yells smacking my head.

"Mason?" I ask. Hes the calmest dude ever. I'd never say he had anger issues.

"Lace please. I'm fine. I only lost control a little bit. I'm fine promise babe." he says hugging her.

"And what if Lilly would have seen you?! She would be afraid of her own father!" She yells.

"She didn't. Shes fine. You good now Carson?" They both look to me.

"Yea man... I'm good... I... I'm sorry I pushed you... I needed the fight but I knew your wolf would come in. I wanted him to... needed him to... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to cause problems for you." I look away from him.

"You didn't... I knew what you we're doing... I fought anyway... I thought I could control myself... we both went a little overboard... hay at least no one will doubt the strength of their new Beta. People don't usually last that long against me." He smiles at me.

"Alright let's go He Man." Lacey says less angry then turns to me. "I hope you can figure out what's going on with you. I know your hurting but please. Don't drag my mate into it."

"Lacey." Mason Growls.

"No Mason! You are a husband and father. You have a daughter and a son soon. Hurting yourself is not an option!" He places a hand on her belly and sighs.

"Its okay Mason... I'll find another way to deal with it." I tell him and he nods leaving with his mate.

"Sooo." Samantha says and I turn to her. With the Luna's scolding I almost forgot she was here. "What was all that about?" I sigh and gesture for her to sit.

"You saw the scars... pain is all I know... all I've ever known. I was angry and scared and I couldn't deal. I was taught emotions are weakness or fuel. Love is for the weak as is fear. Anger is fuel for power. I needed an outlet. Mason is the only one who could beat me. I needed to give and more than that feel pain. I wanted him to keep beating me. It's what I'm used to... But he's to good of a man." I try to explain.

"That's kinda messed up Carson... if love is weakness than what of your mate?" She asks.

"Samantha I..."

"No!" She cuts off. "Talk to me or I'll strap you down until you do! I want to know what's going on and you're being a jerk!" I sigh... I have a feeling this girl gets what she wants.

"Mates are for the production of an heir and stress relief. That's what he thinks...but I just wanted someone to love... I don't think it's a weakness... well except when it drives me to masochistic bouts of anger..." I chuckle but she doesn't.

"You're blaming me for your fight with Mason." She says.

"No! That's on me and my jacked up brain!... listen Samantha. This... you and me will only cause both of us pain. I dont want..."

"No Carson! You don't get to choose for me! I know you're scared. Just go with me on this. Trust me. We can bring Lacey and Mason in to guide us. We can go as slowly as you need but dont deprive me of my mate... please." She begs.

"I had a mate Samantha." I tell her. If she knows we can just get the rejection over with. Putting it off isn't helping.

"What?" She looks stunned and scoots away to look directly at me.

"When I turned 18 she said she was my mate. I believed her. I lived with her. We... anyway I thought she was my mate. But when I asked her to leave with me because my father wanted to kill me she said no. She laughed at me. She said. 'I was never your mate Carson. I wanted an Alpha and you are weak. Leave now and never come back.' I loved Anna... or I thought I did... I can't go through that again." I explain.

"I'm so sorry Carson." She hugs me taking me by surprise.

"I was with another woman and you aren't angry?" I ask in disbelief. Wolves wait for their mate. When you know their is one made for you you don't want anyone else... And we are possessive to a fault of that person so she should be yelling at me.

"Did you mark her?" She asks with a sigh.

"No... I think she was waiting for me to turn 20... like she said she wanted an Alpha and I had to prove myself. If I was an Alpha... she'd be mine right now." I cringe at the thought. I can't imagine being with Anna now.

"You still want her." Samantha says on the verge of tears.

"No! Sam No! She was using me and well... shes not the one I can't get out of my head... but Sam what if we're not mates? What if it's like with Anna and then you find someone else?" I say

"I'm not Anna, Carson... I won't use you or manipulate you... I do want to get to know you. It's on your time table. Let's just work together. Spend time together. We can figure out if we are mates and only when you are sure will we move forward. This doesn't have to be everything right now." She says and I cant help but hug her.

"Okay... I can do that." I say hoping it is true.

"You know... if we're mates... years down the road. Whenever we tell our story you're going to have to tell them you were a jerk." She smiles up at me. I chuckle.

"I can do that." I tell her and we both laugh.