rona_mae_bautista

How are you? Are you really good? Or do you just say that since that is what you also want to believe?

I too have this struggle within me, an everyday battle that i keep having. Someday i win (or so i thought), and someday i loose.

I have a lot of question and a lot of fear. And I choose to always stay above it, but there will always come a point were you cannot hold anymore and you just cry and wished that everything just stops.

You see, you are not alone. I too, experiences this. 

So be with me and I will lead you to a journey full of struggle and hope.

And When The World Stops

I was walking along the busy streets of Metro Manila going to work when I heard the infamous song of Jose Mari Chan being played in one of the stalls, and it reminded me that Christmas is near.


It is prejudice of me to compare the city and provincial life since they are apple vs orange, however, as the saying goes, where your treasure is there your heart will be. And it goes the same for me.


We planned for a beach Christmas get-away in Zambales, our Christmas were always at home specially when Dang (daddy) died 10 years ago. But this year, we thought to be out of town and so we want to have a beach Christmas party just for a changed. We rented cabanas since rooms are already full, but it did not stop us from enjoying the place and the scenery.


My son, thou this will be his 3rd time coming to the beach, had enjoyed bathing in the sun, playing with the waves and making his sandcastle. I wish and hope that one day he will remember this happy moment as he grows up and will stay in his heart the feeling that he has today.


And I know in my heart, that mom wished for us to be complete again during this season. But as we all know, the moment we grow up and have our own job --- our own little world has also been created. And as we build it, we tend to look past what is significant. Later in our life, we'll realize that we have rearrange the puzzles incorrectly and no matter how much we correct it, some puzzles can no longer be moved but we will remember it the most.


Just like mom, i too wanted to see us complete again  even in a short while. We do not forget our family, but somehow, we feel that they will always be there forever that we tend to take them for granted. 


Some are just too far away that they cannot be with you even if they want, while some have distant themselves because they feel they have been unfairly treated. Some will try to break free because of pride within, but there will always be that someone who will stay.


It is Christmas and we are happy, or so we thought.


During this season, isn't it that we felt the most that we wanted to be whole and complete?


As we watch the sunrise on Christmas day at the shore, while i embrace my son, i look at mom --- and i understand.


Being Whole