rona_mae_bautista

How are you? Are you really good? Or do you just say that since that is what you also want to believe?

I too have this struggle within me, an everyday battle that i keep having. Someday i win (or so i thought), and someday i loose.

I have a lot of question and a lot of fear. And I choose to always stay above it, but there will always come a point were you cannot hold anymore and you just cry and wished that everything just stops.

You see, you are not alone. I too, experiences this. 

So be with me and I will lead you to a journey full of struggle and hope.

And When The World Stops

As a late Christmas gift, before they go back to province, I gave my son a Persian cat. I am not too happy with it since I am not a fan of fur animals staying inside the house, but ever since he transferred in the province, he kept asking me to buy him one. So, for my loved of him, I gave in --- partly because of the guilt that at the very least, I will be represented by the cat whenever he misses me.


And before guilt eats me up, another window has opened and it's waving at me telling me to dance with another part of my reality.


For me, there are only 2 face of life: the side where you need to earn and push yourself which is the cruel sometimes happy part, and the side where you can just sit comfortably with your loved ones and just tell a story or be silent in the corner.


And you know, whenever the time comes that my son needs to go back to the province or me back to the city, this two life's reality are clashing within me causing emotional chaos.


Must he go back? Should I just quit my job and go home in the province to be with him?


Why can't I take care of him and be with him at the same time?


Those where some of the questions that keeps on playing in my mind every single time it has a chance to pop out. And I know, you too have your own struggles and sacrifice and have our different choices.


But whatever you choose and decide on no one is allowed to criticize the choices you make. Why? Because within us, I believe, our conscience and intentions dictates the things that we choose to do.


Yes it is hard to be away with your son or daughter or family, others would think you might not be doing enough just to be with them, and somehow you might have been swayed with their words --- always questioning yourself and your choices.


I tell you, i have lot's of those moments, but i find consolation in the thought that every sacrifices that  i made and will be having in the future --- God will someday listen to my prayers and grant me my hearts desire.


Do not let the temporary goodbye or guilt that you have right now blur the future. At some days, it is ok not to be ok, but get up and dress up --- then face everything with a smile.


After all, you know in  your heart you are doing this for them with a good intention. Who on earth does not want to see their kid growing up?


The Cat and Reality