rona_mae_bautista

How are you? Are you really good? Or do you just say that since that is what you also want to believe?

I too have this struggle within me, an everyday battle that i keep having. Someday i win (or so i thought), and someday i loose.

I have a lot of question and a lot of fear. And I choose to always stay above it, but there will always come a point were you cannot hold anymore and you just cry and wished that everything just stops.

You see, you are not alone. I too, experiences this. 

So be with me and I will lead you to a journey full of struggle and hope.

And When The World Stops

Every day when you wake up, how do you feel?


Do you feel energize or does not want to get up?


You see, the hardest part is always the start --- you doubt, you ask, you fear, and you worry. But you'll never know unless you try right?


The logic why most stay where they are, is because they are afraid of change or rather, they fear that they will fail if they jump to other opportunity and that they won't get along well with other people, so they settle for what they have. You see, people always tend to think the negative first instead of the positive should be outcome.


They say they are contented and there is nothing wrong with that. But you know, honestly, I haven't met a man or woman who have been really contented in what they have.


They may say they are, but seriously, what does contentment really means?


Sometimes we say things but mean another. I do not now why we do it, but I guess, we just wanted to make ourselves believe those words.


And so, my i-don-care-world week ended smoothly and its now time to start sailing again. But you know what is hard?


Imagine you have your first workout after a long time, how will your body feel? Your muscles ache right? The next day, do you still feel enthusiastic working out? No! You'll have a hard time convincing yourself to get-up and continue working out.


The same goes to me since I have been on hiatus for a week. It's time to once again pick up the pieces but you see, I have been quite use to doing nothing and it really is an effort convincing myself to start doing something again.


I went back to basic on searching my inner self on why I have dreams and goals. Let's just say I soul searched and pumped myself with a lot of motivation.


But you see, the first day is exciting but the following day, I find it a lot more challenging.


Where can I find a job with the current pandemic?


Should I just go back to the province and search for a job there?


Will I just focus being an insurance agent?


So you see, there a lot of questions popping out. There a lot of things I need to consider and answers are too blurry I'm having a hard time.


A sheep without direction will be lost at some point, and I do not want to sail without proper direction. I know I need to plan and think of a back-up plan.


And since every day is a struggle, I make it a point that I stick to my alarm, take a bath early, dress up and make up even if I'll only be inside the house and doesn't have a plan for the day yet.


After all, nothing beats starting the day with a good and positive vibe on yourself.


Wake Up! Get Up! Dress Up!