Love

"Hey, anyone have any idea what the answer of question 34 is ?" Luna asked chewing the tip of her pen .

" Its C " I said

"She is so intelligent after she started hanging out with Namjoon" Julienne said tossing in the bed."Are you guys dating or what ?" she asked giving me a grin.

"Whawwt ? of course we are not . Joonie is just a friend" I said glaring at her .

" she said ' just a friend' " Luna said in a mimicking my tone " but she didn't specifically said whose friend" she said raising her eyebrows up and down teasing me . " He could be our "just friend and her boy ... OUch ....." she whined as I threw a pillow at her .

" He is my best friend " I said giving her a death stare . But was he really ? Isn't it obvious that at this point , that I had undeniable feelings for him ? SHUT UP ! I mentally groaned to myself.

" I mean what's wrong with that guy ? He just study too much , despite that fact , he is a super good looking well behaving teenager . If you don't want him tell me . I really have a vacancy for him . I broke up with Noah last week " Julienne said.

" Why did you breakup with Noah ?" Luna asked looking at her .

" That guy was a whole shitbusiness " Julienne said uninterested.

With that we once again went back to doing our homeworks . But my mind was full of Joon .

However I couldn't accept the fact that I liked him .The truth was that I didn't wanted to . As much as I wanted him to like me back , I wanted him to not like me too. I was afraid . I was scared. Scared that at some point he will leave me too , in one way or another, just like my parents did .I didn't have the strength to take one more heartbreak. To me, dying felt better than that . If he likes me and then maybe one day if he starts to hate me then I won't be able to stand that . I don't know what will happen to me then . What if he likes me , likes me strong enough and then I die ? It will break his heart . I know how that feels . I don't want him to feel that . No , I love him so much that I didn't wanted him to feel any kind of pain . I'll be just a pain , i can't let him love me .I just can't . I'm scared .

"Cassie you alright " I felt someone shaking my shoulders . I turned to my side to see it was Julienne .

"You look as if you've seen a ghost" Luna said coming closer to me.

I stared at them " Ah ! Yeah ! I'm alright " I said nodding my head but some how my eyes were starting to get teary ." Excuse me for a second " I said and left to my bathroom . Tears started rolling down my cheeks as soon as I shut the door behind me .

Why am I like this ? Why can't I be like the others ? why can't I just stop thinking too much and enjoy what I have at the moment ? Till it lasts ? Why can't I be just happy ? Why is this happening to just me ? Will it all stops if I die ? If I die ? What if I am no more ...

Right at that moment , I knew what has to be done ....