Chapter 19

Deku smiled at me coldly. I closed my eyes and sunk into myself. "It's not fucking Wonderland, Deku. Not if the only tea I get at my fucking tea party is blood." Then I straightened up again. "Just how close do you wanna get, shitty nerd?! Why don't you just glue yourself to me already?!"

He snickered lightly. "Handcuffing would do for me. Also…" He clenched his arms around me tighter, forcing me into a violent hug. "I get as close as I want. There's no keeping me on arm's length anymore." For some reason, don't ask me I don't know either, I hugged back.

Deku jolted. "That… wasn't supposed to happen…" I gave him a vicious little smirk. "Guess I'm learning from you." He chuckled. "That wasn't supposed to happen either. I guess I actually underestimated you for once." I just hummed as an answer. Then I noticed something. "Oi, you don't smell like blood anymore."

He pulled his arms away and took a step back. "Your mind can be the strongest prison for yourself if you make it. Works in every aspect." Narrow-minded or mentally ill. Big difference. My upper lip twitched when I looked at Deku, then I averted my eyes from him.

He rose his eyebrows. "Do you feel attacked?" I still couldn't get myself to look at him. "More like accused." Deku dropped his head to the side. "And what's the difference?" "I don't feel attacked because I know I'm guilty. It's an accusation anyways." Now, Dekus eyebrows were in danger of flying off his face like in a comic.

My eyes shot up to his. "Deku." He grinned. "Yes, Kacchan?" "Slap me." Deku looked like someone had stolen his ice cream. "What?!" I shoved my hands into my pockets. "You heard me. Slap me with all your force. Make it hurt as much as you hate me." Deku crossed his arms. "Don't order me around."

I sighed. "Just do it." He still looked like he was suspecting something for a moment, then his expression cleared up. "Alright. Not like I didn't always want to do that anyways." I internally braced myself, but nothing came. Deku lightly totted his head. "Maybe not now, though." "What?!"

I saw his deceit too late. The vicious grin he was wearing told me he just wanted to catch me off-guard. Then his hand hit my left cheek, hard and cold, like someone had thrown a brick at my face. My cheek immediate started stinging, then the pain slowly spread until the whole left side of my face burned like fire.

I didn't even wince. I just turned away and gritted my teeth to not make a snappish comment. When I glanced at Deku again, he was rubbing his right palm. "Are you not gonna cool it or something, Kacchan? That's gonna look ugly tomorrow." I flicked my tongue. "Tch. Why the hell would I ask for pain and then soothe it?!"

Deku chuckled. "What kind of Masochist are you?" I avoided his eyes. "The kind you become when you're thrown together with a Sadist worse than you." "So you liked that?" I shook my head. "No. But I fucking deserved it. Needed it, maybe." Dekus snickering got louder. "And here I was looking forward to slapping you again!"

I shrugged. "Go ahead, then. It's not like you ever avoided public violence or something." "Yeah, but it's more fun with your consent. As I once said, I don't want you hanging onto your life and begging. I want you hopeless and having given up. That's satisfying." Deku laughed quietly.

Then his left hand met my right cheek. My left again in the backlash. And my right a second time. I hissed at the taste of blood in my mouth. Then I turned around and spat out into the sink while Deku lightly blew on his palms. "Jeez, there's nothing soft about you, huh?"

I managed a bitter, warped grin. "You wouldn't know." He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Was that an invitation?" My expression dropped. "Hell no." "Ah, too bad." Deku shrugged. I turned my back to him and cleaned my blood out of the sink. Dunno what he was trying, but I wasn't going with it.

Actually, I did know what he was hinting on, but I refused to believe it. After all, Deku hated me. And for the first time, that actually hurt me. It hurt me that Izuku didn't have enough power to turn him and Deku back to what they were. Showing any sympathy towards me could've been a sign that Izuku started getting stronger.

Maybe I should've just given up. But I didn't. It wasn't like me to leave things unfinished.

A while later, Deku vanished again and left me alone for the rest of the day. It triggered a weird feeling somewhere in the pit of my stomach, as if I couldn't relax, although I was more than relieved I wouldn't have to deal with more of Dekus profaned mind.

I was sure I'd have a mental breakdown one of these days. And then the guys in the white suits could throw Dekus and my straitjacket-clothed asses into a soft cell together. But I was pretty sure Deku would still find a way to make me feel like shit.

It wasn't until I went to bed that I recognized the strange feeling. I was missing Deku, and Deku explicitly. I was used to the general missing in things of Izuku by now, but I had never missed Deku. I didn't like it, either. Why would I miss him and his mind-fucking psycho speeches?

I couldn't explain me to myself. A racing train of thoughts kept me alive until it was way past nightfall, and eventually I gave up on sleeping. I got up, put a hoodie and shoes on and went for a walk. The cold nighttime air was soothing my aching cheeks.

I had always enjoyed the night, since there were no or at least less extras around to annoy me. Due to the fact that I always had to get up early for school and shit, I didn't get out at night too often, though. At the very last, my old hag didn't like me out at night alone ever since I was kidnapped in my first year of high school.

I kicked a rock out of the way and looked where my feet had carried me. In front of me was a lonely, slightly dilapidated playground. I recognized it as the one Deku and I used to play on as children. The monkey bars were rusty, the swings creaked and the slide was dented.

The bushes on the sides hadn't been trimmed for a long time and reached widely onto the playground, so that half of it was covered in shadows. The sand was dirty and speckled with tare. For some reason, the difference from back when we were tiny had me grinning.

How much things had changed…