Chapter 43

When I went to bed that evening, I couldn't sleep. Everything felt cold, wrong and lifeless. Lifeless…

I failed Izuku.

Not only did I destroy his life, but I also killed him.

Do I even deserve to live after this? To become a Hero? Anything at all, actually?

I stuffed my head into my pillow, trying to get these thoughts out of my head. Wasn't it more Dekus fault for infatuating and seducing me? Even wanting Izuku gone? I felt like him and I were partners in crime in things of Izukus death… But I more or less involuntary.

The worst thing was that I already missed Deku. I was scared that he'd never show up again, although I'd rather have my eyes burned out than look at him right now. I wanted all the memories of his touch gone, but at the same time, I just wanted to feel him.

I guess I had eventually lost my mind. I had gone entirely bonkers over Deku.

I couldn't even tell if I loved him. I just wanted to reassure myself of his existence. I had to know that he wasn't gone like Izuku. But on the other hand… hadn't Izuku been Dekus entitlement to live? Maybe he'd just fade away now. I sighed. It was no use, I wouldn't sleep tonight.

-/-

The next day after lunch, I was taking a look over the remaining stuff I had to do for school. I couldn't concentrate, though. Not only was I pretty sleep-deprived, but my mind was still circling around Deku and Izuku.

Suddenly, I heard noise upstairs and shot up. From the corner of my eye, I noticed that I'd been drawing little hangmen with Izukus hair all over the paper in front of me. I flicked my tongue and went to check out the noise, already having a vague idea of what was waiting for me upstairs.

When I entered my room, my suspicion was confirmed. Deku was sitting on the window seat, playing with his knife. Any bit of energy I had had left my body, making me lean back against the doorframe. I rubbed my eyes and sighed nervelessly. Deku snickered at my pathetic reaction on his presence.

"Not kicking me out today?" His contemptuous smirk made me feel even lower. I slightly shook my head and Dekus smirk turned to satisfied. "Good for you. It might just be I'm not coming back. Or… just one more time. To finish you up." I could barely restrain myself from tearing up at his prophecy.

If Deku left, I wouldn't even have anything I could stick a memory to. And even if he killed me then… it would already be like dying alone. No, I couldn't let him leave. If the deal wasn't breached in his eyes, I'd cling to it for my dear fucking sanity. If I couldn't get Izuku back, I'd at least have Deku.

Deku must've read my eyes, because he let a displeased noise out. "You only ever appreciate things when they're gone, huh?" I growled lightly. "I already appreciated Izuku the second you turned up." "He was already dead in everything but name back then." His voice seemed to come from the depths of my mind instead of his mouth.

I couldn't stand it anymore and fled to the kitchen. Behind me, I heard Deku say "Ghosting doesn't work in reallife, Kacchan".

-/-

"Can you see what he drew on that paper?" Kaminari scooted closer to the laptop, almost bumping his head against Kirishima's. The redhead shook his head. "No, but I can try to zoom in. It's noisy though. Hopefully Bakugou doesn't hear it."

A few moments later, both boys were staring at around a dozen of hangmen with curly hair with terrified expressions. Kaminari was the first one to catch himself again. "They look like stick figure versions of the guy Bakugou drew at school when he started to behave weirdly."

Kirishima saw it too now. "You're right… But aren't they somewhat similar to Midoriya too? I mean, the curly hair… And the hairstyle could easily be Midoriyas." "Yeah. Maybe he has a twin or something like that. But then the question is, why did his 'twin' look so familiar?" Kirishima shrugged. "I don't know. Let's find out later. I hear footsteps."

Kaminari nodded, but he couldn't take his mind off it yet. He felt like he was missing something, and he didn't like it. He knew he had seen this face somewhere, even before he knew Midoriya. There was something Midoriya was hiding about himself, Kaminari was sure about that. And he had to know what it was.

Once the person was in the kitchen, Kirishima and Kaminari exchanged a concerned glare. They didn't like what they saw at all. Then they focused at the screen again.

And soon, the terror of utter despair reached them.