An Email

Ding!!!

Yoohoo! Over here! Hey!

An incoming mail just landed safely in my mailbox with a caption that says "Hi". Bloody spam mail. Stupid junk mail. These people will try all sorts of ways to get you to open their rubbish mail, hoping that you'll buy their story, and start making a fool out of you. I wish that they will just go away and stop wasting my time, and not queue Martian's incoming mail in cyberspace. Tsk. Well, this mail which just landed in my mailbox is from none other than Mars. Yeah and I am Venus!

"Huh?" I rub both my eyes hard with my hands and blink at my computer screen. I then continue to slap my face lightly making sure that I am not dreaming.

The sender's email address reads mars@hotmxl.com. Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! Finally, I receive an email from my Martian! Can someone please shoot me – in case I'm not really seeing what I should be seeing but I am really seeing it! Prickly sweats are oozing out from my palms wetting further my already wet palms as I nervously manoeuvre the mouse to click open Martian's email.

"Hi there! How have you been?"

Missing you like crazy since our blind date and all my buddies think I might go bonkers any time soon. Not to mention, mentally and emotionally sore for the long wait. BUT, I can't let Mars know all these. Eugene will surely disapprove it. Tiff will shake her head in dismay. Even blur Fish will blurrily frown on this one.

"Hi! I am doing fine. How are you? Busy at work?"

I wish I can blast my reply with one page long of sharing, questioning, humouring and firing (I know, way too early) to make up his two weeks of silence. If only it was that simple and easy. Sigh. Unwillingly, I manoeuvre the wet mouse to click 'Send' and yes, it is on the way Mars (please don't go away from the computer or laptop or put away your mobile phone. Just in a minute).

Ding!!!

Wow. That was fast! Ok. We are on the roll now, my screaming full bladder can shut up. Thank GOD that Eugene taught me about pelvic yogi. Hold. Hold. Hold. As I click open Martian's email, my heart starts to pound faster than a sprinter.

"Good to hear that you are doing fine. Yes, been pretty busy at work. Just never ending. How's work?"

Haha! He has started making a conversation with me. I'm sure I'm wearing the longest grin in the longest time now. Oh, shit. All the keys on the keyboard of my laptop are as wet as the mouse. My palms don't rain sweats but pours. Tsk.

"Hehe. Work is usually never ending. There is always tomorrow you know. I know it can be overwhelming at times but hey, do remember to take a break. Don't burn out. My work is alright. Not as busy as you. Sometimes manageable and at times, "hurricane" does pay me a visit. Hahaha."

Smiling to myself, I happily direct the mouse to click on the 'Send' button. Sheer happiness. I open my second reply to Mars and reread it. To my horror, I had overdone it. Shit. I replied him in 5 liners, chattering away like a chatterbox! GOD. Eugene is going to scold me loads big time on this one. Now I pray and wish that Martian has his better part of him today – the feminine side. That he enjoys a good conversation with me and forget about being the hunter (the masculine side). I hope I didn't screw this up. I didn't wait for two whole weeks to get Martian to write to me only to lose his interest, in just two ding-dong replies. Arrggh!

Ding!!!

Hehe. No, the feminine side of him hasn't lost to the macho masculine side of him. Phew! Phew! Phew! Alright, I cross my wet fingers (Damn. They are slippery wet) that he replies the double of my 5 liners earlier chatter. You owe me this, Martian. First, for making me fall for you and second, the stupid agonising wait.

"I'll be taking a short break next week. Nearby getaway to de-stress. I deserve it. Haha"

Oh. That was fast. Just as I advised him to take a break, he obeys like a good boy. Hey, wait a minute. Are you going alone? Are you going to ask me to come along? Where to? Any WiFi or internet where you'd be staying? How short is a short break? No, Mars! I do mean go have some chocolates or marshmallows or get crazily caffeinated to take a break. Not going away! What about me? By the way, where is your 10 liners reply to me?

"Wow. How nice! Where to? Going alone or with someone? Have a good break!"

I want to dislike Martian. Just a tiny bit. He is going away for a short break and most probably, to shut out from everything, which may mean, he won't be keeping in touch on a daily basis. I want to dislike Martian. A tiny bit more. He replied only 2 liners to my 5 liners. Groan. I'm sure Eugene would have asked me to go all out to dislike Martian. Sweet Eugene but I cannot bring my heart to do it. A tiny bit more of disliking is a whole lot of disliking. That is a crime.

Ding!!!

Oh. Oh. Oh. Sorry. I think my "disliking" changes its mind. Prefer to stay and keep "liking" Martian. Hehe. I knew it that we are on a roll in our conversation.

"I'm going alone and it's just in a neighbouring state. Thanks"

What? That's all he says? Ok, bad boy, then, my reply can wait. I need to pee now.

My brain, heart and screaming full bladder had enough. Just not fair. How am I supposed to continue the conversation when Martian closes all doors to the flow? Maybe he is busy, as he mentioned in one of his replies. He could be rushing to complete his work before he goes on a break. Why am I making up excuses for him?

As I sat down to pee, I flick open my mobile phone and hit on Eugene's contact number. As I wait for Eugene to pick up my call, I note that I am disappointed with Mars. The more I feel disappointed, the harder I pee. Hopefully, I'll pee away the disappointment.

"Venus!!!" Eugene's angry voice from the other end of the line jolted me out from the disappointment, briefly.

"What???" I whisper into the mouthpiece and I let out a low sigh, ignoring his fuming tone.

"Are you calling me from the toilet – again?" Eugene asks in gritted teeth.

"Yeah. So?" I slowly drag myself out from being a disappointed zombie to concentrate on what Eugene could be fussing about.

"AND, you are peeing while talking to me!?" I swear I almost saw red faced Eugene's head popping out from the mouthpiece.

"Yeah. I badly need to pee and call you at the same time. Why?" I don't have much luck from getting out being in a disappointed zombie state. This is Martian's fault. Tsk.

"Do we go hand-in-hand, your peeing and me?" Eugene hasn't finished fuming. Boy, he can really let out a full steam.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Eugene! I am truly sorry" I immediately snap out from being a disappointed zombie. I totally forgot that Eugene hates it when people call him while doing business in the toilet. To him, it's more disgusting than catching bacteria.

"Guess what?" I wish to spill it all out instantly and hopefully, by doing so, the disappointment can get lost. (By the way, I know I have sorted out Eugene's issue because he forgives me easily).

"He finally wrote to you" damn. I can never play guessing game with Eugene. He always hits the bull's eyes.

"Yeah, wonderful news isn't it, Eugene?" my tone betrayed me. I can't bring myself to feel excited (I was) when I conveyed the news. All along, I was afraid that the excitement that has been bubbling inside me, for two whole weeks, may burst & choke me in the throat, when Martian finally writes. BUT.

"Venus, there is a "but" story. Shoot. Tell me" Eugene turns into a sweet angel now and is all ears for me.

So, I relayed the whole ding-dong emailing to him and by the time I finished, I realised that I had finished peeing. After I had storied to Eugene, he wasn't too sympathetic neither did he hint anything about giving up.

"Eugene, what do I do now?" I moan helplessly.

"Don't reply him. Let him do it" Eugene sounds every bit confident.

I don't even have a chance to reply Martian, given the way he wrote in his last email – short, curt and uninterested. If only I can hammer my way in and pry open his brains and heart to see what he was thinking and feeling.

"What if he doesn't?" the panic stricken me ask.

"Relax, Venus. If he doesn't, it just means that he is not into you. Just strike him out from your list and go find someone better, who deserves you!" Eugene is trying to talk some sense into the senseless me.

Ouch! AND Whoa!

Not into me? That hurt awfully lot. I'm pretty sure that's not the case. If Martian is not into me, why bothered writing to me in the first place. Furthermore, he writes to me when he is in the midst of being swamped with work. How uninterested can he be given in such a situation?

Eugene has to be out of his mind, asking me to strike Martian out from the list. Ha! As if Ms Venus has the upper hand in the dating game and keeps a long list of eligible men in her record. For once, I am not taking Eugene's advice and I am going to listen to what my heart says – go hunt Martian down! But, how?

Stalk him!

Shit. I sound like Tess now. It must be her and her stalking affair. I am catching on with her stalking virus and damn, there is no vaccination for it! How did it spread so fast?

Yes! I shall stalk Martian through email, sms, and any means of social media. Though I may not get the privilege to stalk like Tess does, at least I stay connected with him. He he. Things are getting really exciting now!

"Are you still there?" Eugene's voice can be heard forcing through my thoughts on Martian.

Shit. I am not done talking to Eugene on the phone.

"Yup" replied me and my thoughts are still very much on Martian.

"Hey, Venus, you know, I did an unthinkable thing for you before you called" Eugene clears his throat and takes a deep breath as he tries to tell me something.

Huh? What unthinkable thing? This is SO not Eugene.

"Oh" is all I could manage. Images of Martian are slowly inching out from my brain and gets blurry at every second. Shit. The word unthinkable has a vacuuming effect on Martian. Why?

"I just sign YOU up for online dating!" Eugene breaks the news fast and furious. I bet his heart is beating fast and furious too when he says it.

Bloody. He had the cheek to fume over me my peeing business while I called him. There he went ahead and did the unthinkable thing for me without my consent. By the way, I am already online dating Martian. Why would I need anymore of online dating?

"They are not the same, Venus" how great. Eugene reads my every single thought. Urrgggh! Now, it's my turn to do the unthinkable – I just hung up on Eugene and stick out my bullying tongue at my phone and him.

Ding!

Huh? Did Martian misses me so soon?

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Awwww…my Martian must be feeling real guilty for ditching me at cyberspace. Now he wants me back! He can't stop asking for forgiveness. He is trying to make up the chatters he owed me. Hehe.

My stomach is doing that flip-flop dance upon hearing my new found favourite 'Ding!' sound. Ding ding bell, ding ding bell, Martian on the way… Martian teasingly re-enters my thoughts and he is wearing a Santa suit with his visibly seen cute bulging tummy. A what??? I quickly snap out the image and hopefully, that would undress him off from the Santa suit. Uncle Don has a similar bulging tummy too. Euuuuuwww.

Hey, these e-mails are not from Martian. The senders are unknown to me. Who is james12@gmai0l.com? Philip@hotmxl.com? curt@yah00.com? eason@yah00.com? AND, who is han@gmai0l.com?

Tsk. I am Shit Hot amongst the spammers – for the wrong reasons, of course.

Sigh. No sign of Martian at cyberspace. Suddenly, a tear at the corner of my eyes is threatening to slide down my grease-free cheeks when just then, I caught sight of the name H-A-N. Spelling it out loud to myself and the walls and my laptop and anything else that matters to me in my room. Hmmm… nice name. It sounds every bit Korean. Han sounds decent. It feels good looking. The name whispers comfort. I like it! I just hoped that it's not another spammer. It would be such a waste if a spammer is called Han. I've decided to give it a go. Alright, let me just change it to reading preview and that surely will save me from a lot of troubles. Dearest spammers, I'm as clever as you are! Oh, my threatening tear, it just dried up at the very same corner.